Show Something t For Everyone By BERT LUCKY BOYACK f W o 0 NEW VIEW Long-enduring Long perennial actor Melvin Douglas is up this year for an Oscar awarding him for his acting in inthe inthe inthe the picture I 11 Never Sang for My Father He says if he wins the Oscar he will thank everybody in his speech with exception of Gov Ronald Regan Mr Douglas has just returned from France where they i call a great actor a great comedian E UNDER STATEMENT Meeting bandleader Ray Block in Toots Shor's Carl Erbe said I was sorry to read that the Ed Sullivan show wont won't be reviewed Oh well said Block Ed and I never figured it would be steady Earl Wilson Column PRICKLY STORY II I uI love Jove you ouch I UI love you too ouch 1 And that is the ten tender love story stry of two porcupines EX EXPERIENCED D II Girls Girl's hearts are like eggshells a good deal tougher than they seem ORBITING STOMACH The captain of an Atlantic liner approached a miserable looking young woman leaning over the railing Waiting for the moon to come up he inquired Heavens above groaned the girl Has that got gotto gotto gotto to come up too HAVE YOU Whatever you may think about women changing their minds you seldom hear of a groom being left at the church EAGER PAINTER The owner home was delighted with the way the painter had decorated his house You did a fine job and Im going to give you a little something extra Heres Here's 10 Take the missus to a show That night the bell rang and the painter stood at the door all dressed up What is it the man asked 1 Did you forget something No replied the painter I III just came to takei take i the missus to a show r BOTTLED PERSONALITY r I I Lady clerk at the perfume counter to country househ housewife house house- 1 h wife This smells of old stables especially for the ther r horsey husband s NEW TWIST t Hippie standing on Main Street remarked to a passerby passer passer- n by II I would like to be clean and clean lookin t like you so how about it sir Only five and a half dollars so I can get a hair cut and shave to be a normal upright citizen i it SLIGHTLY PARTIAL I. I Ii if you loved a rich man and a poor man what would you do Id marry the rich man and be good to the poor W Wf f m L i I It i 1 x r u- u w IF WE CAN SAY SAY SAY- That the city that likes to wander about is Rome and the keystone of good manners is B natural natural and and that the bird that is a letter is Jay Jay and and what goes out each day but never leaves its home is a turtle turtle- then can we say no big men have been born in ini i Alaska only babies I I EXPENSIVE NOSE I used to spend five dollars for forGee a handkerchief Gee that's a lot of oC to blow in o money LAUGHTER AND TEARS TEARSA A huge air liner with all sixty seats occupied zoomed over the state insane asylum and the pilot burst into loud laughter so funny demanded the hostess I was just thinking replied the pilot what a commotion commotion com corn motion therell there'll be in that joint when they discover Ive I've escaped r d SMART SUE r I li Dont Don't forget its it's the fresh egg that g gets ts slapped l inthe in inthe the C pan F o t TO BE SURE IL Showgirl I III want you to vaccinate me where it wont won't show Doctor Okay my fee Cee is ten dollars in advance v 1 Showgirl Why in advance I Doctor Because often oCten I weaken in such cases and 1 dont don't charge anything 7 P f t j I STRONG SUGGESTION E r Where can I get a ghost for Cor haunting purposes at ata ata ata a party t. t Try the local liquor store th they store y have all kinds of spirits spirits' PHILOSOPHER PETE I Those who worry about what other people think have more confidence in the opinions of others than in their own J 7 T t A PESSIMIST IS ISA A person who builds dungeons in the air t pl I OPTIMISM M If it rains when we wish it wouldn t tAnd tAnd And men do what they often shouldn't v v i Crops fail and plans go wrong t v 2 Some of us grumble the whole day long I. I But somehow in spite of care and doubt J 9 I. I f It seems at last that things work out F 1 YOU HAVE HEARD r- r About the termite with false teeth who walked into a tavern and asked Is the bar tender here 1 oJ DEADLY MISTAKE I d 1 Did you hear about the magician who cuts a woman in half He had a terrible accident at the Bijou Theater 4 last night Poor girl She's in the General Hospital right 1 now Rooms and li r BLANK MIND I I He What did you dream about last night She I III dont don't know I I slept through most of it 1 i 1 LAST WORD Being Vho able to take things thins as they come and live them is another form of success |