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Show by (tick Brough ) mmmmmmmmm'JW ' 1 11111 ' VV.V. . iV '"inii.. Milium mi . , The Newspaper needs love too ; The water-dowsing auditions scheduled sched-uled for later this week have been canceled. The Park Record is not the only enduring Park City newspaper that has come to a turning point this week. The Newspaper has also come to an end, and in its honor, Whaddyaknow has asked Mayor Jack Green to issue the following proclamation: WHEREAS THE Newspaper has for eight years recorded the heartbeats, belches, and dizzy spells of Park City; and WHEREAS the preceding eight years have seemed like 103 years to all those Parkites who managed to live through it; and WHEREAS the Newspaper has recorded the evolution of Park City from a neglected ex-mining town and gas 'n' go stop to a thriving mountain metropolis that can handle three major resorts, two 7-1 fs, a Dairy Queen and a Burger King, all without the aid of a traffic light; and WHEREAS the Newspaper has consumed untold tons of wood pulp; has persistently molested the citizens of Park City for trivial and esoteric information; and WHEREAS the Newspaper has been guided by editors;'' Steve Dering, Bettina Moench.and David Hampshire; Hamp-shire; all of whom were judged to be cuter than rijval editors in an independent bai survey; and WHEREAS,' it is appropriate to quote Publisher Jan Wilking on another milestone in the Newspaper's history-after history-after the Blue Church conflagration when he, turned to his staff and said, "All right !U Who's been free-basing with the darkroom chemicals again?" NOW, THEREFORE, BE IT PROCLAIMED PRO-CLAIMED by the City Council of Park City that the Happy. Hour of Thursday, June 2, 1983 shallbe set aside for citizens to reflect on the Newspaper's one-twelfth of a century of service; to express our appreciation and extend s our subscriptions immediately. , . v. . i 'p&rk City r ; - Mu'rficipal Corporation Essentially this proclamation, except ex-cept for adaptations, was taken from an editorial written by Sam Raddon while he was setting in his dentist's chair, waiting'ioi?ihte laughing gas to kickin. I.' Actually, there's a lighter side to the flooding problems, M .,, We could point trt the sign posted by Janeaux's: "Poison Creek River Trips. Embarking area" ;i Permits required. Guarantee White Water. We could say that Police Chief Frank Bell is now conducting liquor roadblocks road-blocks in a kayak. Tipsy motorists are required to do the breast stroke in a straight line and touch their oars to their nose. We would suggest that Salt Lake be the location for a new movie, "Lake Bonneville Beach Blanket Bingo." ("Oh fer neat, more sandbags, Annette!") We could report that Lagoon has extended its log flume ride from Farmington to Saltair. In all seriousness, we report this not to mock, but to lighten the load of the homeowners who have suffered and the public spirited citizens, here and in Salt Lake, who have worked long hours to handle the flood problems. It's a crazy situation, and a little lunacy is in order. It was a dramatic week for personnel at KPCW. When a gunman holed up in a Park Meadows home, a station reporter displayed initiative reminiscent of Hildy Johnson, the reckless hero of "Front Page." Looking for a phone, the reporter knocked at a nearby home-only home-only to find the door open and the house empty. He commandeered the phone during the crisis to make regular reports on the confrontation. Whoever you folks are I'm sure KPCW will take care of any extra bills from Ma Bell. The Memorial Day weekend, unfortunately, un-fortunately, also held a setback for dashing Blair Feulner, who was thrown off a horse while riding last Monday. His rapier-like news sense is a little dulled this week because of a bruised gut. There are two lessons here for B.F. (1) Just because you smoke, that doesn't mean you're a Marlboro Man. (2) If God had meant us to ride horses, he would have created Roy and Dale instead of Adam and Eve. Get well, B.F. (And to several of his friends who also suffered a rash of injuries this week, same to you.) The Democratic Party has angrily charged that the GOP sabotaged their recent telethon. After GOP .spokesmen b urged Americans j to "call J in ' 'wiuV support for President Reagan, ('safd IJ Democrats, their phones were tied up by an organized campaign of harassment. harass-ment. About 10 critical phone calls were received for every supportive call. This provokes an idea. Remember those well-modulated voices on FM-94 radio who want to hear our suggestions sugges-tions for improving their station? Suppose Sup-pose hordes of KPCW fans called them and suggested they just shut up and play records, like Blair Feulner's Volunteer Air Force? Just a thought. We know that commencement speeches usually sound mechanical, but in Arnold, Maryland, they've gone ' too far. At Anne Arundel Community ' College, the graduation address was ' given by "Robot Redford," a 4-foot-tall machine with a remote control voice. 1 The class valedictorian said she thought at first the robot was, . inhumane and degrading. But now she K said, "The robot didn't take away from , the ceremony." , Why stop there, however? Next year the students should send "Robot , Redford" to take their tests and appear , before their thesis committees! Life is a bitch for the royal family. In just one week, these news items appeared about the folks at Buckingham Bucking-ham Palace. (1) During a visit to a ! Cornish village, a young store clerk stole a kiss from Princess Di. (2) A 22-year-old housemaid who worked at the Palace is ready to exploit her ten- 1 ure by selling her behind-the-scenes memoirs. And (3) the British press has speculated that Lady Di is pregnant since a recent photo reveals a slight tummy bulge on her body. About a thousand people gathered in ' Washington, D.C. for a sexology convention, according to a UP report. ? The confab included seminars on aphrodisiacs, sex addiction, a semi nar called "Aggressiveness and Sexual Habit Regarding the Players of an Amateur Football Team," and displays dis-plays of the newest marital aids. One of the gusts was Jim Johnson, president of the Adult Film Association of America. He wanted to have his picture taken on the Supreme Court steps since he has brought many pornography cases there. This distinguished distin-guished First Amendment champion is the owner of California's 60 Pussy Cat Theatres. A group called the International Hug Center has compiled a list of the 10 Most Huggable People. The list includes in-cludes Pope John Paul II, Lech Walesa, Wale-sa, E.T. George Burns, Alan Alda, fRUth Gordon and Jimmy Stewart -m -''Modesty prohibits lus f rom .mentioning .mention-ing all the huggable people on the Record staff. They're not as articulate as Pope John Paul, but during Happy Hour, a lot of them talk like E.T. ! WALKING TALL? In Nez Perce County, Idaho, local law officials have reacted swiftly to a grisly crime. There have been at least three cases where deadly rattlesnakes have been placed in rural mailboxes. That brought a tough response from a local mail supervisor: "This is a very serious violation of postal laws," he said. 1 |