OCR Text |
Show Ten O'Clock Whistle by David Fleisher Party-hopping can be a serious business Between now and New Year's Day you will more than likely be invited to a number of parties; that is unless you are a major nerd in which case you'll probably sit home, watch television and make popcorn. Assuming you are not a nerd and that your friendships extend beyond your immediate family, I think it's safe to expect a lot of party-hopping over the next few days. One mustn't take going to parties too lightly. Like most members of the non-nerd segment of society, I have attended many parties in my life, some obviously better than others. The more memorable parties I attended took place at the fraternity house when I was in college. These parties featured a lot of whiskey, basically obnoxious people and very loud bands, and they generally lasted all night or until the police arrived, whichever came first. These were certainly not my best parties, but they were unforgettable in that they stripped me of whatever innocence I may have had at the time. Several years ago I attended a party that was less than exhilirating. There were about fifteen people present, and all we did was sit in the living room and stare at each other. We drank coffee, ate doughnuts and said absolutely nothing. Nobody could think of anything interesting to say, except the hostess who kept running around saying, "Are you having a good time?" The girl sitting next to me finally mustered up enough courage to ask me if I took cream in my coffee. I said, '"No, thank you, I think I'll take it black." The party ended on a high note, however, when the telephone rang and we all ran to answer it. Even when you're at a lively party, it's wise to know proper etiquette. Here are a few party tips: If you get stuck talking with a politician, be sure to stand at least three feet away. This will give another person a chance to stand between you and the politician, thereby affording you the opportunity to leave the politician and talk to someone else. Politicians are not known for brevity, and the conversation could eventually prove to be quite boring. If you are talking with someone who has bad breath, you can do one of two things: 1) say, "Your breath is absolutely atrocious and I strongly suggest you go brush your teeth, or 2) turn your back on the dragon and continue talking. What happens if you want to impress someone at a party? I suggest you go home, watch television and make popcorn." I hate people who try to impress other people at parties; this borders on being phony. Just be yourself, unless you're a nerd; but then you wouldn't be at the party anyway. You'd be home. What should you do if you have an overwhelming urge to go to the bathroom right in the middle of an intelligent and stimulating conversation? Again, you can do one of two things: 1) say politely, "Excuse me, but I have to go tinkle, or 2) continue talking in a normal tone of voice and mentally prepare yourself for a lot of embarrassment. What happens if you arrive at a party a day late? This is a --raTfier challenging dilemma. I suggest discussing the merits of the party with the hostess. Have her give a critique of the party. Who was present? Were they interesting or crashing bores? What was the food like? Was anyone obnoxious? If so, how? Did the hostess use fine china or paper plates? By learning about the party in this manner, you can decide if you want to come to the same party next year. What should you do if you end up talking with someone who says things like, "Hey man, like that was really heavy; I mean, it was far out!" I recommend slipping a firecracker down the idiot's back; this may spark an improvement in his vocabulary and riase the level of the convefsation. I hope yo"u have a sate'and enjoyable party season. As I walk up Main Street I hear the Ten O'Clock Whistle. |