Show T Y If Something For Everyone By BERT BOYACK Frank Sinatra and Mia have made a new years year's resolution Mia wont won't of him complain seeing seeing see see- ing ling Dean Martins Martin's show if Frank twill will let her look at Captain Kangaroo Possible 2 1 hour show on tv would be a full fun scale x-ray x of jackie Jackie Gleasons Gleason's stomach Dean Martin MartinA Martinr r t A man at a recent auction was bewildered He got a cinder in ings ins gs s eye eye he he rubbed it and final final- X y fc could uld see see a a steer standing in rout of him He looked at his friend friend who replied Well Vell you nought it L. L Papa Bear Who Vho has been drinking my beer beer beer- w Mamma Bear Who has been drinking my beer beer beer- Baby Bear Barf Barf Sue The best key club ou can belong to is one where you wu you may unlock the storehouse lof of wit the treasury of laughter and Band the front door of good fel fellowship fellowship fellowship fel- fel B t r 9 The I little boy in the bus watched J at hed the man Ii scratching the thin fringe of hair What that hat ran around his dome The j man an kept scratching and the boy y got more and more impatient Finally the boy leaned over and Kissed Hissed Say mister you'll never nev- nev x er er catch him that way Why dont don't r you fOU u run him out in the open open open- Riel 1 rm The Master of Ceremonies rr for r a radio quiz picking contestants contestants con- con from the audience asked Is there a couple here who have been married less than 24 hours I f A year 12 year 12 old boy brought down the house by piping up yf What What would they be do doing in g j here I YI lJ Y WITTY TIDBITS One man says every time he goes to th the doctor he gets shot for someI something something some- some I thing and he asks only one question ques ques- pon tion What does he think I am i V I a dart board The charitable charitable chari chari- table person who got his hand I caught in a building fund is doing okay thank you Something that may happen lappen appen in inthe inthe inthe the future the long longhair hair worn by so many today may by 1970 change into shiny bald pates like Yul Bryner A man in inthe inthe inthe the ar army my did such a bad deed he was shot first and court mar- mar after A A lot of the deaths over our last holiday week end could have been prevented prevented prevented pre pre- vented if that man who was in an accident every minute could have been locked up If those who ride motorcycles get much younger y sOm someone is missing missing miss miss- Ming ing a a good bet if f if f he doesn't manufacture t training r a i in n i n g wheels wholesale We hear a lot about the population explosion but by 1970 there will be a change in the population population over over half of the American people will willbe willbe be 25 years or younger A small boy after having eaten three ice cream cones and with witha a troubled mind said to the manat man manat manat at the ice cream parlor 1 J wonder wonder wonder won won- der how many of these I will have to eat before I really have piece of mind Asked how she liked her new boss the young secretary re remarked remarked remarked re- re marked Oh COh he isn't so bad only hes he's kind of bigoted How do you mean replied her friend Well Vell explained the girl he thinks words can only be spelled one way A man approached his glum- glum looking friend at the bar My wife is always asking for money money mon mon- I ey said the one with the mon mon-I glum I look Only a few weeks ago she sheI asked for Last week she I wanted and just the other day she asked me mo for and only this morning she wanted another She thinks I have havea a money tree Boy that's crazy said the friend What C does she do with it all How should I know said the glum one one I J never give her any The ambitious young missionary missionary mis mis- missionary asked his guide to take him to a remote section inhabited inhabited inhabited by cannibals Upon meeting the tribes tribe's chief the missionary told the interpreter CAsk him If he knows anything about reli reli- gion After a bi bit t of grunting and sign language the Interpreter re replied replied replied re- re plied He CHe says he got a little taste of it when that other missionary missionary missionary mis mis- was here t The Liars' Liars Club Meets It was so cold where we were boasted the traveler who had just returned from Alaska that the candle froze and we couldn't blow it out That's nothing said his ri ri- ri val Where we were the words came out of our mouths in pieces of ot ice and we had to fry them to see what we were talking about I Wife Wake up George theres there's a burglar going through your pockets Husband Leave me out of it You two go downstairs and light fight it out yourselves LAST WORD FOR THIS WEEK In 1967 there will be more murders by craven killers who will be held up as examples of ou our ou- spiritual decadence our Ineffectual in ineffectual ineffectual in- in effectual and inefficient prisons prisons prisons pris pris- ons and our complete disregard of lawlessness which aint necessarily so |