Show ri 21 1 The Last Battle By MEREDITH SCHOLL SCROLL Associated Newspapers Newspapers Service T HAPPENED during the so- so soI I IT called Mexican war that period of time during which the United States government sent senta a flock of troops over the border to protect honor life property and to catch Villa Garfield Nichols who was then considered one of the foremost newspaper correspondents in the East despite his lack of consideration tion for expense accounts his hu hu- humorous humoroUs humorous viewpoint on things that newspaper editors regarded as vitally important including the Mexican 1 war and his frankly ad ad- admitted admitted admitted weakness for intoxicating beverages of any description description- Despite espite all aU these things Garfield i nas was dispatched posthaste for Mex Mex- Mexico Mexico Mexico ico as representative of the Bos Bos- Boston Boston Boston ton Express to serve in the capacity of war correspondent Old Man Upton the Express Express' managing editor knew what he was about He knew that Garfield be be- because because because cause cause of his various weaknesses couldn't be depended upon to stay sober for more than four or five hours at a time but he knew also that Garfield had the gift of setting words down on paper in such a away away away way as to attract and hold the at at- attention a attention of New England's news- news thirsty thirst public Personally Upton wasn't so sold on the war himself but he knew that Garfield Nichols would send back dispatches that would fairly seethe and boil with war news of a convincing nature And so Garfield departed for the Mexican border with a pocket full fuU of of expense money passports letters of identity and a head full fuU of old man Upton's detailed instructions lie Re lived in the saloon alternating IDS lus time between dodging bullets and writing TWO weeks later the Express' Express man man- managing managing managing aging editor received an urgent re re- request reQuest re- re request quest from its war correspondent for additional funds amounting to Accompanying the wire was another several paragraphs in length in which Garfield had set down the developments in the war Upton checked the story with the leased wire dispatches found that they tallied in minor details only and was a trifle puzzled Garfield's story was vas glamorous and this was what the public wanted Hence the story was published under Gar- Gar Garfield's Garfield's Garfield's fields field's line by-line and the expense money forwarded From that point forward stories from Garfield concerning the war began to arrive at the rate of one every two days They were exceptionally exceptionally exceptionally fine yarns and would have substantiated old man Upton's rash rash- rashness rashness rashness ness in engaging the famous Gar- Gar Garfield Garfield Garfield field in every respect had it not been for one thing Each story in inthe inthe inthe the order of its receipt was found to be a little further removed from other stories that were flashed over the country by the various news services which had also dispatched correspondents to Mexico But to this yarns were point of literature new and inter inter- interesting interesting interesting esting reading far ahead of any other dispatches that came in daily on the Express' Express leased wire service Fortunately the American public is gullible they were eager and willing to believe that the develop develop- developments developments developments ments in Mexico as published by the Express were correct They liked the sound of Garfield's stuff hence cir cir- circulation cirI circulation circulation I figures soared during the I first few weeks of Garfield's sojourn It wasn't until almost a month had elapsed that old man Upton really began to get worried Dur Dur- During During During ing the past four weeks Garfield had asked for and received three hundred extra dollars for expenses And during the past seven days his stories had not tallied in a single instance with leased wire dis dis- patches In order to satisfy a growing suspicion sus sus- suspicion suspicion old man Upton got together every wire that had come from Gar- Gar Garfield Garfield Garfield field dug out a map of Mexico brought to hand certain established facts concerning the war and set to work At the end of an hour he had discovered that his war correspond correspond- correspondent ent had been at one time within miles of the war zone and this was as near as he ever got Put Put- Putting Putting Putting ting two and six together Managing Editor Upton arrived at the conclusion conclusion conclusion sion that Correspondent Nichols had been on one big bust since the day he entered Mexico Employing his imagination augmented by frag frag- fragmentary fragmentary fragmentary bits of information Gar- Gar Garfield Garfield Garfield field had doubtlessly set down on paper a story concerning the war of a nature that he knew would ap ap- appeal appeal ap- ap appeal peal to Upton and the American public but which had little if any regard for actual developments in inthe inthe inthe the war Five hours later Garfield Nichols received a telegram of dismissal in his room at Majorca Mexico and promptly went out to drown his sorrows in the villages village's only saloon At dawn the next day Garfield was seated beneath a table in the same saloon singing all aU four verses of America His sorrows had been very completely drowned he was in an especially jovial mood At the exact moment that the last word of the last stanza died on Gar- Gar Garfield's Garfield's Garfield's fields field's lips a cannon boomed on the outskirts of the town shattering every window in the saloon Garfield crawled from his hide hide- hideout hideout hideout out and stood erect Another can can- cannon cannon cannon non boomed and the building shook Garfield looked around The place was deserted He looked into the street and found it empty too But Butas Butas Butas as he watched he saw little putTs pulls of smoke emerge from the windows of I buildings close by and heard the sharp reports of rifle rille fire Partly sobered entirely disconcerted discon discon- disconcerted disconcerted Garfield scurried into the saloons saloon's back room and found there therea a dozen fierce looking Mexicans lined up at barricaded windows and doors After some difficulty the corre corre- correspondent correspondent correspondent learned that a sudden turn of events had carried the fighting out of the hills and into the desert country The deciding battle of the fracas was being fought then and there in the little town of Majorca Garfield groaned and sat down For more than a month he had at at- attempted attempted attempted tempted and with no little success to escape the war and now it had come to him As far as he knew he was the only white man in the place to be sure the only news news- newspaper newspaper newspaper paper correspondent The battle lasted three days And strangely enough Garfield remained sober during that time He re re- remained remained re- re remained sober in the midst of hun hun- hundreds hundreds hundreds of bottles of every kind of liquor he had ever tasted at hand for the taking He lived in the saloon alternating his time be be- between between between tween dodging bullets and writing the story of the most famous battle of the war As fate would have it he sur sur- survived survived survived without a scratch Hardly had the last shot been fired when he was riding hell bent to the near near- nearest nearest nearest est town and an intact telegraph ph wire The manuscript that he car car- carried carried carried ried was long and beautifully done Every fact was accurate every word gospel truth It was thought Garfield about the best war story ever written for a newspaper sim sim- simply simply simply ply because its author had been on hand during the fighting had written writ writ- written written ten down detailed descriptions of every charge and sally and retreat as it actually happened Moreover it was a scoop Back in Boston old man Upton read over the long and carefully worded wire that had come to him charges collect from his corre corre- correspondent correspondent correspondent in Majorca Mexico and sadly shook his head Hal he called addressing a copy boy Hal what's on the wire service about the Mexican scrap Hal wrinkled his nose to indicate that news from Mexico was nil Boss Same old stuff And if you ask me that cant can't be much of a war What we oughter do is run some more of Nichols' Nichols stuff That's what folks like to read Good live news But old man Upton only shook his head and picked up a copy of the wire he had just sent Garfield It last Fic Fie Fiction Fiction read Just received your tion story And I mean last Youre You're fired Suggest you sell your imaginary news to a magazine |