| Show what what Jt thinks i about t Rivals for Cor Nudism MONICA CALIF I I SANTA took part in a parade cele cele- celebrating celebrating celebrating brating old days in California riding in an ancient open car car- carriage carriage carriage with our postmaster here herc herche he he calls Jim Farley Jim Jinn and our congressman who like lile practically all Democrats in good standing in the southern part of the state craves to be bethe bethe bethe the next nominee for governor If any more aspirants bob up there wont won't be anybody left to vote vole for them This certainly certainly certainly w has been a 3 t banner year for or or- oranges oranges oranges anges and candi candi- dates Our outfit got a lot lotof lotof lotof of cheers from the crowds and a perfect per per- perfect perfect ovation when passing a given g i v e n point where w her c the Elks s also were giving giving i ing away beer All AU AUthree three of us felt pret- pret Irvin n S. S Cobb ty proud of our our- ourselves ourselves ourselves selves until we realized that probably probably probably ably the applause wasn't meant for forus us There must have been thou thou- thousands thousands sands s in that crowd who'd never be be- before before before fore seen a horse-drawn horse pleasure vehicle If Lady Godiva dressed only in her long hair rode on a white horse through any modern city street there'd probably be ten who'd hur hur- hurrah hurrah hurrah rah for the horse against one who looked a second time at the lady Sight of a white horse would be a treat to one and all aU whereas in these days of nudism and public undressing un un- undressing undressing dressing on the beaches but beaches but that will be about all for that S e e International Messes Blesses WITH J ITH the great powers tottering Y V on the brink of hostilities to a amore amore amore more tottery extent than usual with the Spaniards still willing to fight to the last Italian from Brother Musso Musso- Mussolini's Mussolini's Mussolini's linis lini's loan collection j with China battered to a bloody meat hash-meat in what would closely resemble a war if only Japan had so declared it which must indeed be gratifying to the ghosts of the thousands al already al- al already already ready slain and the homeless refugees ref ref- refugees refugees from ruined cities this cities this seems a mighty good time for us to keep our shirt on Kindly recall that other historic occasion when Uncle Sam felt called upon to hop into a mess cooked up by foreign nations and as a result not only lost his shirt but has never since been able to collect the laun laun- laundry laundry laundry dry bills for washing the said shirt This if you ou get the drift is a subtle reference to those defaulted Euro Euro- European European European debts Let us therefore highly resolve that no matter how great the pres pres- pressure pressure pressure sure from within or without without mainly mainly it'll be as was the case before from without without well well we'll keep the old shirt on on I e Classifying Gores Cores T IVE I'VE VE been classifying bores Class 1 B bores arc are those still using the lapel lupel clutch or buttonhole grapple graI Lately Ive I've met what I should call calla the same being a A type a n super who rho in addition to hav hay having having gentleman technique otherwise had perfect ing lug been imbibing garlic to execs ancl excess and and who knew it When V fi finally fl- fl didn't care toV nally rescued they had to use a anally on me Meeting this champion reminded me mc of or what I heard the late Wilson Minzer say to a gentleman who in insisted in- in insisted on boring Wilson while suf sut- suffused fused with the afterglow brought brou ht on onby onby onby by combining bourbon whisky and Bermuda onions in his diet His 1 I were not only frequent Lut Iut had hId echoes to them F nally when Wilson was CT c cay y y ready for artificial respiration to be applied he said Dear sir your breath would start the windmills turning in an old Dutch painting Typical Texans T USED to think a typical Texan I was one who said he was going to send you a ten-gallon ten hat and then didn't do it But he is a sub sub- species A really orthodox Texan tells you hes he's giving you a pair of genuine Texas steer horns They'll be along as soon as he can have them shipped But he hc never ships em em that's what makes him typical So many typical Texans have volunteered vol- vol volunteered to send me sets of long longhorns longhorns longhorns horns that if il all these parties were laid end to end you'd have one of the finest consecutive strings of born liars ever seen But they wouldn't stay tay that way they'd rise right up and start looking for Easterners to promise long horns to Not that Im I'm craving any long horns They stretch so far from tip to tip they make you think of a muskellunge fisherman trying to show you how much that biggest one measured If you hang them low they prong people in the eye If you hang them high they're chiefly useful for cobwebs to drape on And no self-respecting self wife will let you hang them anywhere IRVIN S. S COBB Service |
