Show tiie the fable of her folks and his F folks alks 8 by GEORGE ADE V bell service NCE there was a man who had 0 ONCE a wife and eath ea li of oc them had as might have bare been feared r relatives the man lived in a coming along town and had jan fa income and knew how to put up a n front ile he had made himself a personage riot not to he be sneezed at the missus knew how to superintend a home and regulate the two olive brandies branches and wear clothes and talk at club meetings so that site she could hae been designated without exaggeration as some now because ralph and jessie had both qualified for the majors and were battling above 0 the kin on both sides of the fence paid them some attention often dropping in at the to spend a few ew nil minutes and then banging around for two or three days it Is a well known fact that when a person gets married nowadays and later finds out that he has married only one it Is almost a miracle it if we were to omit from froin the social register the names of those who become important by reason of somebody else there would be many vacant pages ralph like aile to open up on her family and she would have preferred to spare his feelings and not dig any dirt regarding his lowdown low down connections hut but sometimes forbearance ceases to be convenient passing the icy stare it was at breakfast and ralph just happened to ask in a nice way it if her brother lem who was visiting them had bad come up for air lem had recently severed all coa connections with one of our leading universities versi ties ile he had been in such a hurry flurry to get an education that he had not waited wailed to take his bis degree but had boarded a train after learning practically all that there was to be learned the faculty concurring heart heartily fly several of the learned professions were bidding for his services and in the meantime he was boarding with sister because she set an awful good table and the rate was nothing per week and he liked the large guest chamber and the kind of cigarettes that ralph smoked hubby precipitated the armageddon by expressing regret that he was compelled to hurry away to his office knowing as he did that it would be etiquette for him to stick around until about 11 50 30 G M so as to take breakfast with the honored guest if my brothers presence in this is distasteful to you I 1 shall ask him to leave said jessie bestowing a frigid took look on the brute not all he be replied it seem like home without him only I 1 am wondering if when you accepted me you were influenced by the fact that practically everything I 1 wear will fit your brother and often does lem is a dear boy said jessie ith a tinge of feeling it Is a pleasure to have some one around this house who does not put in all of his bis time hanging banging crepe and while you are panning my kid brother dont forget that I 1 had your sister on my hands for six weeks up in the country last summer and ill tell the squint eyed world it was some contract acL I 1 am not saying that rowena Is shy any buttons or should be locked up or anything like that but I 1 do know that anyone who goes on spiritualism and wants to turn down dow n the lights and pull a every few minutes Is to no playmate for yours truly homeless skeleton with a waist line lima speaking of 0 sisters said ralph pouring a third cup of coffee coffe e it is about time for lif mirabelle irabelle to check in and give us a lot of 0 trade I 1 long to have her tell me how she enjoys concerts and the opera the were mere fact that she does not know the difference between the Melster sIng er and the marx brothers does not seem to cramp her eloquence at all I 1 never have met any one nho could talk at such great length on topics of which she Is totally in the dart dark let us hase am e an understanding paid fald jessie pinn planting ting her elbows on the table if this Is to be a battle to a finish and we are going to permit hitting in the clinches I 1 will call attention to the fact that you have an uncle robert from the west who cattle came as near as anyone could to mak ing a dump of our supposedly re respectable hect home when I 1 married you uncle was dot in the contract atall ile he Is I 1 take it your family skeleton although abou ii it Is hard to think thinh ot of a skeleton weighing pounds when the saloons closed up he be was left practically homeless I 1 like ilke your uncle rob hob and will always try to make things pleasant for film him but I 1 think it Is only fair that you should notify me when he Is coming so that I 1 can have a lot of sawdust on the floor my lly uncle robert comes coines of a fine old new england family faintly said ralph ills his progenitors were riding in carriages A when lien your ancestors were coming across in ili the lie steerage and living on garlic I 1 will admit that he Is the Cuto custodian dlan of a very tidy thirst but at least when lie he drops in at the office he Is riot not going to try to sell me anything if I 1 were ere to choose I 1 believe I 1 might prefer Relo relatives tives who were to those who were on the make hake do you mean on the make Jeni jessie a dangerous look coming into her eyes are you re ferring to my father letting you a 41 on oa that florida deal its different away from horne home ill permit you to get away with that letting in stuff if you say it without laughing I 1 dont object to your dad having lovely dreams but birt why should I 1 be selected for the honor of financing them that deal he put you in on will mate make all of you rich in time he says so at least it wont he be any more of it a flop than financing your aunt emmas farm anyone who backs aunt emma as a farm manager Is certainly due to have the old head examined by the time the breakfast got good and cold a stranger might have figured that a divorce was impending but here Is nhat really happened along in the afternoon the one woman to whom jessie could unfold herself viz mrs F flitter litter came in for a ahoi shot of orange pekoe and got the whole yarn my husband Is as smart as they turn them ou tand he is self made she explained 1 I dont blame him for objecting to lem coming here and sponging ing for weeks at a time the lazy hulk bulk on ought lit to be doing something for himself lie ile certainly called the turn on mirabelle too site she has listened to a couple of lectures and now siles got so much culture it makes her stoop shouldered to carry it around As tor for pa ila he has some good points but I 1 dont believe he has any more business sense than a rabbit ills his idea of being an important fl flure figure ure la in the world of speculative finance fiance Is to borrow a lot of money aloney from ralph how flow true it Is that you can order almost anything at a store but you have to take your relatives as you find them almost at the same hour flour there was a Ale meeting eting at the club and ralph was giving the low down anil and inside to walter ive got the best little woman in the world said ralph and I 1 cant blame her for being put out by some of the things that happened to grow on our family tree for instance theres rowena ashes gone plumb dippy on psychic phenomena I 1 dont know of anything I 1 rather have around the house than psychic phenomena more jessie Is dead right about aunt emma it if I 1 had all the coln coin I 1 ever slipped to that old girl it would make a pretty penny As for uncle bob he really should be compelled to live in the garage anything as woolly as he Is should not be permitted in a refined rome home im afraid my people have got on jessies nerves lately without making any explanations I 1 think ill send tier her some flowers at the dinner hour they were still cool and distant but she did quite a bit of cooing around brother lem MORAL we are the only ones alio v ho have a right to open up on them |