Show Q COLUMN j t i i 1 t ai 4 i by TOM gott in himmel immel II I 1 like to kick mein headd I 1 like it not ven I 1 shall go mit fight chur minny dot fine olt blace I 1 vas born aunce vear some alt hills look pretty i i like hell grand castles alt ruins also rivers py gott I 1 has got mein cows covis horses dagons also shall I 1 ge vay mit fight nix cli teli leave all vot I 1 got nein I 1 likes dis kun derry atso also I 1 likes mein fad derland I 1 likes him not also to fight mit der kelser yet vot I 1 shall do hans drott ans ge feed your left mit your you landed in america a proletariats with nothing to connect you with humanity but an over size carpet bag a third ful ol of lousey duds a concertina and gall enough to come here you were so tickled to be in a tree free country that you acted foolish yol could not understand der stand a woid of oc english and very verv little of your own language but we offered you the glad hand and tendered you a hearty welcome we made you understand that you were tree free tor for the first time in your life we put up a board bill tor for you till you got over feeling dizzy we russlee ur up a railway pass to take you to your friends out west and told you to go to it and make a fortune get some kind of an education and run tor for a public office you have made good you nave soared so high in mathematics that the prices of your eggs and potatoes have gone up with you you have cows and pigs piga and everything pertaining to a good farm and now that your satanic satanic jw keiser who kicked you from your ta fa derland threatens to demolish your adopted home you be gla gin to yearn tor for your old and delap abated ruins ot of which you never owned a square inch not stopping to consider the havoc your beloved kelser keiser would cause to your farm and cattle and the lives and property of your friends who boosted you up it if every american were like you you had plenty time to go and help the keiser before he commenced to pull the nose of uncle sam you have no yearning tor for your slavi slave patch on the map you are ara afflicted with cowardice and you ought to be taken out behind your cow stable and shot inventor it is hard to interest capital in the perfection of perpetual motion I 1 have tried it but since my return from provo I 1 have not bothered very much about it I 1 have tried lubricating the bearings with pure croton oil to make it work but it no I 1 do not feel like investing 2000 in ili your idea just at present I 1 have just purchased a dozen eggs 1 and now I 1 am 1 out of 0 coal mrs chopple you should not have approached your prospective scrub lady with an offer of a dollar a day no wonder you had trouble her car may bo be superior to yours you should have wrote her in in this manner mr and mrs whop ale present their compliments to mrs idaisy and request the honor of 0 her company to breakfast dinner and supper next monday at their home mr chopple will lead in a dollar prize contest at washing scrubbing ironing and other household stunts j beer in the pantry all day painter the beautiful imitations of expensive woods such as maple walnut birch macogay maho mah gny ogay ash asb etc can be obtained in the following manner it is called distemper graining your ground should be smooth as any roughness shows up in the varnish having your necessary tools handy you arrange your colors tor for the mixing which is the es central part take stale beor beer or it if that is not obtainable purchase a can of nice fresh beer from any saloon and take it on the job taste it in order to ascertain it if it is stale enough for use keep tasting it tor for a good job depends upon tho the fenical being just about right it if perhaps pei haps tho the can gets empty before it sours get another can it if perchance that does not work just exactly right it Is custom ary to obtain a third or a fourth it the fifth one does not sour by noon knock oft off and call it halt a day imitations of the most expensive imported marbles can bo be obtained in like ni manner anner signor signer Benni mans aba quoos tob yank badwak calif flour jab smoot gibe ralta tobin at et anton Garabal garabaldi dl aus I 1 dout dont linow know |