Show home Par paragraphs hs t 7 A A A A A A A A A A A A one morning jenkins looked over ills his garden vail niall and said to its ills neighbor hey what are you burying in III that eliat hole bole oil lie said im just re replanting planting rop lantine some borne ot of my lay seeds all seeds shouted jenkins angrily it looks more like one of my liens nil all right the seeds are inside A clergyman in a to town n of 0 olito entered the office of the iho editor of a local paper 1 I am said baid lie he soliciting aid for a gentleman ot of refinement and intelligence who is in dire need of a little ready money but who is fur far too proud to make its his sufferings known what is the mans name 1 I regret that I 1 am not at liberty to disclose it it must murt be 1 I 11 said the editor it Is I 1 surely heaven prosper you parson in your good work A traveler thinking inking Ih to be factious told the darky ferryman that lie had no money to pay its his passage but said the colored man it dont cost only five cents to cross dis terry ferry I 1 haunt got any money at all suddenly the darky darby looked resigned dont you mind boss said lie he earnestly because a man mail dat aint got five cents is jes as well off on dis side of the river as on do de odder prof E D F snow of webster city who has been reelected elected re county sup perin of in hamilton county is one of 0 the most remarkable school men in iowa he has no hands and yet Is probably the best penman in this part of the state professor snow lost his hands in a railway accident when ihen lie he was but 22 mouths months old lie he graduated from the webster city high school and finished at drake university ile he has taught school all his life and has already served two terms in the county superintendents office besides being a v i vs i 4 4 14 really expert penman professor snow shaves himself lats eats without assistance dresses himself laces his shoes and even drives an automobile lie he has been unusually successful as a school teacher and has I 1 made a fine I 1 ecord as county superintendent in I 1 there are but two to classes ot of merchants meri those iho ADVERTISE land and those who ito do not the man who advertises has the BEST OF THE DEAL ile he keeps HIMSELF before the public lie he keeps ills HIS WARES before the public and lie he keeps their i quality and price uppermost in the PUBLIC MIND people TALK about a man lie ho advertises because they know lie has something WORTH advertising ver er or lie be advertise 0 0 0 HE Al margaret argaret there lias has bep bei something trembling on my lips for months and months she yes so I 1 see why dont you have it of ota i 7 Is 0 henry ford the automobile manufacturer has launched a campaign against cigarettes and has enlisted the aid ot of his colleague thomas A edison their still aim is to prohibit the manufacture and sale of cigarettes if this mania tor for prohibiting one thing and another continues it may get beyond the control ot of even the fords and the some chap looking around for something to reform will perhaps discover the frightful things for which the automobile tor for instance is directly to blame astounded by ills his discoveries discover iea lie he will set about to organize an anti auto mobile association thousands will hock flock to ills standard then they 1 will elect a niall man to the legislature and that man will nill introduce a bill to prohibit the manufacture sale and use of oc the automobile ile he will have staggering tag gering arguments to back up ills his demand he can call present a petition signed by the pastors and members of 0 a certain religious body in I 1 indiana di praying for the passage of the bill on the broad oad grobi grounds ot morality tins this sect already has forbidden its members to buy or use automobiles the legislator will make a thrilling speech bristling with irrefutable statistics and trite interspersed r bp e ased with appealing and pathetic word pictures lie he will point to the fact that 10 persons a day over a year including strong men beautiful women and innocent little children meet violent deaths on account ot of the denion demon automobile he will deficit graphically the mangled bodies the desolate homes this the weeping orphans ot of the poor victims of tills this modern juggernaut turning to the divorce courts he will piove giove by the official reports that the automobile joyride joy ride has clogged the hoppers with cases of 0 wrecked domesticity ile he will show how low pure innocent young girls are dally daily led to their ruin by the soulless scoundrels who lie run automobiles i ile he will point to the mortgages hang ing over thousands of american homes mortgages negotiated tor for t alie ll 11 purpose of raising funds to buy a and nd keep up these inventions ot of satan ile he will ivill show how the millions spent for automobiles could be used to build panama canals and pay national debts he may p to the gasoline barons the rubber magnates ant the auto million aries rolling in their ill gotten wealth while their poor victims are struggling through the divorce probate chancery and bankruptcy courts lie will vill call upon the manhood and womanhood ot of our fair land to arise in its might and crush this monster which today la Is sapping the very life blood of the nation and perhaps he may bo be able to get away with it who knows stranger things are happening every day it will make no difference it if you tire are a well vell to do man and can afford an all automobile mobile it if you are a careful man mail and never hail had an accident or if you are a faff family illy man and would never think of taking a ride unless you took the wife and kiddle kiddies 8 along the case against the automobile has been proven its use must be prohibited it is not for you to say that you can handle one without any danger to yourself or others what they ALL say down with it 0 is we often hear some thoughtless fellow say it if I 1 was nas running a paper I 1 would print the NEWS I 1 dont care who it might lift hit it if they lont want gnant to get into the paper let them keep out of trouble we remember one particular instance in aach which a similar remark was made we had through the pleading of an old mother and a tearful sister kil ed a good story concerning the escapade of it a rather liless young fellow but to liis its mother and sister lie was not worthless and they prevailed upon us not to print the item which would disgrace them forever and we e did not print it so we were accused of cowardice by this certain critic and were told that xe we did not know how to run a paper in vain we e tried to explain that man many things besides our own personal a 1 11 likes 11 and dislikes entered into our weekly labor it was no use lie he said we should print the news six months later the same man came sneaking up to our home in the dead of night to plead and bog beg with us no not t to print a much worse story in which lie he himself was mixed up we had the story but had no intention of printing it tor for it was one of those things that it Is best for all concerned and for the public to suppress but our critic had heard that we knew the details and with the unfairness that characterized his first utterance at once jumped to the conclusion that we would chortle with joy over a chance to flaunt such a a choice bit it if gossip in the faces of our readers remembering his attitude on the other occasion we let him squirm a bit we reminded him ot of his former statement and intimated that lie he had bad at that time opened our ees we would publish the news if anyone did not want ant to get into the paper let thena them keep out ti ot trouble ile he remembered ile he admitted that lie he had so BO expressed himself but he was wrong lie he said and this case wai different moreover he N was as a prominent man and married and he had a family and all of the same stuff that every editor hears when some one gets into trouble well the story was not printed it never would have been but we feel sure that our critic believes that the only thing that kept it out was ills his prominence and influence no dear friend about the only element that was totally ignored in coming to our decision was you yourself it a man kant laft laff there Is sum mistake made in putting him together and if lie he wont laff lie he wants az mutch keeping away from az a bear trap when it iz sot josli josh billings 0 0 is A person entered an inn with a dog and an all irishman asked what breed it was the owner looked the questioner insolently up and down and then replied with a trawl drawl it its I 1 a cross between an ape and an all irishman faith thin were both re to the beast was the ready retort f the junior police force of the I 1 city ot of now new york is among the latest developments in city government excellent results have already conn coati from the organization if f these or more enthusiastic youngsters who are diligently upholding the law maintaining order and keeping cleaner than ever before the streets of that section of oe their city known as the bowery the lead head of this new aux illar force who is captain john F sweeney seeney of the regulars says that bonfires have been reduced in the district ninety eight per cent complaints of disorderly street gatherings have been cut to less than halt half street cleaning has been lightened fire escapes cleared garbage cans kept in order juvenile cigarette smoking made up popular and a juvenile millennium all but inaugurated this is indeed a fine record it suggests at once the boy policeman tor for all our cities as a promising way of 0 making better cities as well as better citizens st 0 0 have ou oil any unkind thoughts 9 do not write nolte them down donn write no word that pain written words may long remain have you heard some soma idle tale do not write it down gossips may repeat it oer adding to its bitter store have you any earless carless jest bury it and let it rest it may wound some loving breast words ot of love and tenderness words of truth and kindliness words of 0 comfort tor for the sad words of 0 gladness for the glad words of 0 counsel tor for the bad wisely write them down words tho the small are mighty things pause before you write them little words may grow and bloom with bitter breath or sweet perfume pray before you write them is 0 we heard on the street the other day of a man who claimed he was war too poor to take ills his home paper but all the same lie he read a nitice in one ot of our county papers telling how to prevent a horse from sl and sent for the recipe when the worth of information came it said teach your horse how low to spit one ot of our subscribers took us to task this week tor for tailing failing as lie he remarked to publish all that happened it was fortunate tor for this particular individual that discretion occasionally demands the omission ot of unpleasant items sit should we publish all that is told to us we would be with the angels in about twenty minutes after our papers were mailed some of th the high brow publications are advocating abell abolishing I school vacations we would like to have a photograph of the kids face as lie reads this proposal so far as we are concerned the school vacations were always a favorite with us and what we enjoyed we are willing tor for the school pupils of today to enjoy |