Show Something for Everybody By e BERT BOYACK k I The minister of a suburban church ma mare e it a point i f ito to welcome a stranger in the most cordial manner i and therefore after the completion of the services always hurried down the aisle to station himself at atthe the door One SUnday a Swedish girl who was employed by byone byone one of the families in the area had attended services and when ready to leave the church was greeted by bythe bythe the minister who noting she was a stranger extended his han hand lie He welcomed her to the church and expressed the hope that she would find It convenient to come again adding that if she would be home some evening he would be pleased to call Tank you JJ she murmured but Ay have a Have you heard the story about a European bachelor who is studying English at one of Utah's universities He mastered the grammar but complained about the spelling problem You write so you dont don't pronounce and you pronounce many letters differently in different words To Illustrate his point he registered at a hotel as Mr When the clerk said Thank you Mr the European corrected him not my name Cant Can't you read English His name said Mr Mr was pronounced Fish He explained The GH is pronounced F as In lauGH The 0 is pronounced I as in wOmen The TI is pronounced SW SH as In naTIon and and the Gil GH is silent silent si- si lent as in althouGH And so said the European as you can see T O is pronounced Fish A wealthy but lonely bachelor would like to go to Hollywood and get married and get married and get married How are you getting along with your new girl J 1 friend 1 Just right She's teaching me to be a trapeze artist A trapeze artist i Yes were we're going to take In some of this night life and boy are we going to swing d YOU KNEW IT ALL THE WHILE In this booming land or of ours last year there were weddings for crying out loud That France is smaller than the state of Texas and has less than 50 million population That the new coins are an amalgam of copper and pickle nickle have all the purchasing power or of the present silver coins and that they will work in the nations nation's 12 million vending machines Life is like a game or of golf Philosopher Pete has discovered as soon as you get out of one hole you start heading for another one I II If someonE were to pay you ten cents for every kind word that you have spoken about people and collect five cents for every unkind word would you be rich or poor PLAIN NONSENSE Hear about Mr Goof up He made one mistake which meant the difference In success and failure He could have copyrighted the first dictionary His mistake He didn't write It in alphabetical order A A doctor says the secret of good health in the winter is taking cold showers Maybe so but whoever heard of anyone who es cold showers keeping It a secret The best way to make hamburger taste better is to ask the price of steal steak A A nursery school is a place parents send children to catch colds from each other so they can stay at home She was only the nose doctors doctor's doctors doctor's doc doc- J tors tor's daughter but she sure knew her nos What brings people closer together Answer The middle age spread Did you hear about the Scotchman who called up a showgirl and asked her what night she had free II If you want evidence of how rich America is just look tag on what it calls an economy car About the only one who can get somewhere starting on a shoestring these days Is a puppy Most people manage to keep In pretty fair touch with reality On the other hand th there re are thousands of credit card users Youve You've got to admire the many talents of modern woman Who else could listen to the hi il more something for everybody discuss three scandals and still remember what's trump f j I There are some poor people In Texas and many j millionaire oilmen There was at least one poor man V In Texas He explored for an oil well all his life until death do us part At that time he was very discouraged discouraged aged but when they dug his grave the hugest oil well In the history of Texas was found l' l c 4 An old farmer who lived in southern utah had resisted resisted re- re every change in farming methods for the last i two generations His aversion to tractors was well known in his community where he farmed his r acres entirely with horses and mules But one day an enterprising tractor salesman came to the farm and persuaded the old man to let him put on a tion The salesman hooked up a plow and in very few minutes had plowed up a field of ten acres Vell how did you like that he asked as he stopped the tractor In front of the old farmer Mighty fine mighty fine admitted the farmer and Ill I'll take one when you make one change in them when you can get those 50 horses in n that engine to produce fertilizer Ill I'll of them buy a couple Y LAST WORD FOR THIS WEEK Joy is the mainspring In the whole of endless Natures Nature's Natures Nature's Na- Na tures ture's calm rotation Johann von SchUler Schiller |