Show t 0 o 1 0 0 o 0 0 o O LIE DEFENSIVE THE H adelaa ae Laa 0 AS sa A v al 5 0 o B 0 oo 00 o r ry T irr U wm aj JOSEPH LETHE 0 by josah SS 0 o EW men would voluntarily hasten their endings even with the knowledge that their dead bodies would create a most momentous stir in the world on the contrary what man would not prefer o remain alive even at the cost of humble comfort now and absolute postmortem obscurity more over I 1 think that clyde french had he foreseen the stir his mortal remains were to create in this world would not only have badly to life but would have prearranged for something like ft decent cremation to follow hla final departure when he left seattle for kotzebue Kotze buc sound I 1 had known bilm a week he had left the employ of a newspaper on the atlantic coast and must by nature while he ship fraternize with badcon rad con the coast we alaska meet many such good fellows and of this one I 1 remembered jone thing distinctly he was frank in saying that he left neither kith nor kin behind him and should noti return to the states until prepared to malie a stir both statements proved to be true for when I 1 searched for relatives to take his remains oft my hands I 1 found none and the return of his mortal dust 0 o seattle kicked up more of a fuss than did the advent of the original klondike nugget in the first place that dead thing have tm common decency to arrive by daylight but chose to make its entry into my affairs on the shady side 0 midnight the dolphin from put in at 1 in the morning and the longi ah rushed ahe dead box across he dock with prompt respect to sailor superstition then seeing that it was directed to thea editor of a newspaper the called me by phone and told me to send an undertaker for it forthwith an evening paper man detests midnight sensations not morning papers get them first but they disturb his sleep so I 1 called up mr parlors and directed that my departed friends remains be made comfortable all I 1 could can at a seasonable hour then I 1 told night man to bury ahlm out of the reach of the morning pa and spiking my telephone re turned to bed iset the knowledge of my new responsibility lity prevented further sleep that in the morning I 1 received a lei ter by express from the mysterious n alons glons of alie wonderful north it can from french himself and although had many beeks start it had bee overtaken by his dead body on the ion journey out it was curiously aarup but sensational enough to suit even day editor sir tills was a bad assignment for m I 1 got he lay but some other chap wl get the story I 1 am alone my dogs ha run away they will starve ive booi I 1 AT IT A MOMENT but no fuel I 1 shall freeze in a few hour its a cold deal and im scooped it any ono discovers me I 1 want n body shipped to you eury it where it warmer than it Is here id like it haw out I 1 detest a fellow who Is t to unbend on proper occasions I 1 any convenient sack of du which to defray expenses charge to the news department and let the of my boath offset it dont let step in with a distant relative gag I 1 a going to my people now they were in warmer climate when they started i but hey are just as dead as ill ever toe goodby put tills on the first page and dont the foreman make over und kill ino olt top head ami double you know make ft lively to make up tor my present im giving it to you because I 1 always preferred the evening piper put it on the A P wire early yours in the nash CLYDE FRENCH then followed a statement undated and unsigned to the effect that a party of prospectors had discovered franchs frenchs Frenc hs body and had delivered t to a greek priest who in turn had embalmer embalmed ed st and sent it out to me C OD I 1 have seldom met lucli an evidence of faith in a newspaper mans credit I 1 gave the documents to my city editor and directed that the man on the alaska desk write a slowing introduction then I 1 went down the hill to for a look at my property I 1 had never before seen a body which had died of freezing the shock at sight of franchs frenchs Frenc hs remains was distinct there lay tha fiody in its rough prospectors pec tors dress bearded and ruddy of color I 1 stared at it a moment and then became convinced that it was a hoax that the man was alive and lying there to complete a ghoulish practical joke on me dut after flabb had made me touch the firm cold flesh and had explained that frostbitten bodies often showed ruddy tints upon thawing I 1 went into the office to think it over I 1 get it out of my mind that french was alive and would be walking in on me at any moment I 1 directed flabb to dress the body properly and care for it tor a few days while I 1 should endeavor to locate friends of the departed after the story had gone over the associated socia ted press day wire I 1 followed it with a query for information and asked all associated press papers to make a search for relatives then I 1 personally wired the paper upon which french had claimed to have formerly served in the of a week I 1 received a good many opinions over the wires but no facts franchs frenchs Frenc hs story created sensation the poor fellow had foreseen but the relatives I 1 had hoped tor did not materialize I 1 began to have a great respect for the dead reporter I 1 went to after tho body had rested there just one week and told him to send it to the city receiving vault in a respectable coffin to remain there while I 1 made further search no need of sending him away sad flabb let him lie here ires the fenest bit of embalming ive seen in my life then he led me into a back room in that I 1 look ft his guest uncovering a plain coffin he looked in instantly the satisfied look ot the expert undertaker changed to one of horror and I 1 saw flabb spring back with a startled exclamation then I 1 looked and felt my own blo od chill for that thing in the coffin had shrunk six inches in a week and ats collapsed all 1 r we called in a and after a long consultation tha body was strip ped accurately measured and dressed lna ln a new outfit of clothing then we s a watch over it noting the dally appearance AT the end of a nc ck there had developed a decided shrinkage something over five inches in the length of the body A close examination disclosed alie fact that it was THE FOR ACCESS shrinking symmetrically sly pound friend would not know his own body now it had dwindled to pounds the excitement really commenced with publication that night of this second sensation in ahe peculiar actions of clyde frenchia Fren clia remains the associated press authorities questioned my account and I 1 invited them to a special agent to verify it lie came and forthwith a dally account of our lively dead went over the A P wire remains from a transient guest at became the center of an excited nations attention it would have done he poor tellow good had he foreknown that his story was now to move up to firel page first column no 1 head and remain apere indefinitely first the city physicians examined him and noted the dally shrinkage then began the pilgrimages from curious suburbs and skeptical county scabs scats then flabb established visiting hours and only professional men allowed a view the executive body of the national association of undertakers crossed the continent and passed an opinion on the phenomenon and the governor of the state issued a proclamation an act which gave my property recognition alie undertaker said in their wisdom hat the greek priest of the far north had embalmer embalmed ed the body after some old and to them unknown formula that he had evidently used poor materials or had mixed his fluids carelessly that a well embalmer embalmed ed body might dry out dry upland turn to powder but for a body to shrink systematically and preserve its smooth exterior was not according to rule wise men those vy this time I 1 was thankful for statement that he left no kin behind him for several realizing the increasing value of my shrinking property for exhibition hibi tion purposes endeavored to establish a claim thereto but even though into the courts 1 was able to retain possession of my unwelcome rights at alie end of two it had shrunk to tour feet in length and to pounds in weight perfectly symmetrical ruddy plentifully bearded and smooth of skin it the aalto how might ii arita tjien the experts came from the great medical colleges of the country and tie to treat the body with sundry arrest Us shrinking Butth ejr treatment failed of results arid on their report being published abroad therul craff many lands appointee medical representatives to closs rtha seas and view my property at ahe cabled request of the czar of all theltus we placed tho body in a glass case which was hermetically sealed thus protected from the air the shrinking ceased and we waited for the royal experts to assemble the public clamored for free access to view my property but flabb allowed only a few professional men to see it he was figuring on the rising cash value of unsatisfied public curiosity and frequently talked to me of money to be made by exhibitions As each delegation arrived flabb accorded its members a welcome to his parlors the hotels were running over with scientists who burrowed through mazes of books on chemical subjects and ancient burial rites all seattle caught the fever and men talked excitedly of the secrets of embalming on street corners and even at cafes when the international scientific aggregation gre gation was complete we moved the glass case containing my property to the stage of the state university assembly room where it remained a month guarded by a committee at night and lectured over by foreign notables during the day at tho end of the month ihly were ready for and the glass case waa opened the shrinking commenced promptly and for another month the world read dally bulletins on the progress of alm when it had shrunk to a perfectly formed mans body three feet in length I 1 asked for a hearing but the scientists had forgotten me so I 1 went to flabb and did some plain ial RIng MY HAD INDULGED iff A beans yeans with the we went to the university with an escort of police sealed the thing into a new glass casa and it in a big box in the vaults cheit with the key in my pocket I 1 retired to my private office and waited for international science to come to me it came and argued arid bothered till I 1 waa ready to destroy the thing finally after international science had organized and appointed a committee with power to act I 1 gave the body into its keeping for thirty days on two conditions llast flabb was to be guardian of it and return it to me at the end of the time second flabb was tobe handsomely paid for his services the conditions were fulfilled and ahen I 1 received my property it was a bit over two feet in length then we sealed it in a heavy glass tube made expressly tor our purpose and locked it away in my safety deposit vault under an agreement with international science to leave it there for a year then they should assemble and reopen the subject tomorrow the year will be gone today flabb and I 1 went to the vault to take my property out and prepare it tor tomorrows inspection already anter national science is here in drove and we had to work secretly to avoid them luckily we did for unwrapping the glass tube we found that international science had either tricked us or itself or made a signal error for the sealing of the glass tube had crumpled and my property hac indulged in a years undisputed shrinking it now measures one and three fourths inches in length inspected through a magnifying glass it Is seen to be symmetrical ruddy and smooth vc egied in a email bottle anil I 1 have it jn my pocket as I 1 write I 1 am puzzled as to what to do with it tempting offers have been ma de to me by groat museums to sell it outright one mg medical institute wants it in the science and a check for awaits me if I 1 will deliver it to the trustees A noted theatrical manager has offered to form a syndicate to exhibit it and pay me a princely rental on the other hand the churches are clamoring to have this human thing burled out of sight where nature may daf with it according to her laws I 1 would welcome some good advice on the subject at this very moment for myself I 1 confess to a keen desire to smash my bottle lay my shrinking wonder on a table and dare it to do its last and final turn in this catalogue of sensations to shrink out of my sight out of physical existence into nothing and into eternal oblivion you surely do not expect me to print such an abominable lie as that said the city editor with decision not as news replied the marine reporter complacently but as a le pure and simple I 1 think it has merit I 1 have often heard you say continued the reporter that any one could write a good story it he too much hampered by facts now it does not follow that any one can write a lie and make it appear to meet the requirements of fact I 1 happened to be a guest at the noonday breakfast on board the battleship oregon yesterday and the whole table turned in to see who could turn out the best set up lie I 1 must say that they shoot straight in the navy some of those lies were cheerful efforts that went tp my head like champagne well finally it got around to me all I 1 could say was that they had me abjectly on the defensive they stormed me with complimentary remarks about my ability as a scribe and frankly observed that a newspaper man ough tto be able to unwind the champion fabrication in any collection so I 1 told them I 1 would mke my attempt in the saturday night issue A pd this is the attempt observed the city pointing to the manu script with his blue pencil that is the shell that Is to blow th oregon out of the water said the gnp aman ay iy that case said the city edita as the honor of the profession tats dri concerned I 1 dont see any way but to g 0 after the navy when he of the oregon opened their evening papers that aint they looked at once for th premised p fort and read the foregoing tale |