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Show - law. The collusive divorces, which are bo common are nothing but nurtures of marriages on the proba-- ti nary plan, and when viewed in the j light of the relative intelligence of the race they are vastly more immoral than tho Cougoese (system. Buffalo Truth. I Marriage on the Probationary I'lan. Among the Congo negroes when a lum wishes a wife basecures her and keeps her on probatiH year. If her temper and deportment We satisfactory he at tho end of the year formally mar- - ries her. But should she prove an incumbrance ho sends her back to her parents' roof. There used to be such a practice among the Scotch High- - landers in tho old savage days. There-wa-a process known as "hand-acting- ," which is not wholly extinct. Observa-tion leads me to remark that the "probation year" business seems to have struck root in this country if we aro to judge from the number of wives sent to their paternal homes after a year or so each of trial of matrimony. 1'he records of the divorco courts show lhat there i9 considerable of it hero and that it is done under tho forms of Kiiaala'a Watchful Fye. There was a meeting' of represent.- - tivo railroad men anti steamship mana-gers in t-- Petersburg to discuss tb feasibility of introducing round trip" tickets in the interior of IIiisho. Such tickets would bo of great benefit to those who have business in tho Volga district, and make short trips from one city to another by the steamers on thai river, and also to excursionists along the railroad lines. But this measure is discountenanced by the police authorities. At present there is an oflieer sta-tioned by every ticket oflice who may examine the passports of the travelers, without whose permission no ticket can be sold. But if round trip tickets should be issued, the holder of a return ticket to any place may sell it tc an-other person, and the police would be unable to keep its eye on the traveling public. Exehaago. How's 'I I We offer One Hundred Dollars reward for mr riiFe of catarrh that council be cuieii by tak'.cg liall' atnrih Cure. We. the tiniii signed, bave knowu F J. Clieuey (or tbe last lf trai t, and lelievehim perfectly honorable in all business transac-tion!, arid financially able to curry out any obligations inane by their firm. i?!t k Tula, Wholesale Druggist, Tole-do, O. Waldino, Kraxis A Maiivis, Wbolriala Jlrurgista, Toledo, O, Jl ail's Catnrru Cure la taken Internally, dctiiu; directly upon the blood and mucoua surlaces of the system. Iiatiinmiiais seut lire. Fries 7bc. per Lottie. Sold by all druggists. Telephones are now being Introduced od board A man never expresses so much In his face as when he Is trying to appear unconscious. "OUT OF SIGHT" Is tho expression of all who have used the J.I.CaseT. M.Cos Ironsides Agitators, Horse Powers, Swinging Stackers, Tread Powers and Saw Frames, SAW MILLS ENGINES, Because they aro so far ahead ci all others In good work and durability, RACINE, WIS. COTalOOQE rncc. SICKHEADAGHE T"l Positively cured by oADTCDO uhi phi. LlMII I 1 no Thoy also relieve Die- ' tresairomDvsnansia.In. 1tI rligeationandTnoHearty j3TTLt Eating. A perfect rem- - II fss f fxty for Dizzineee,Kanaea II I if E. S Drowsinese, Bad Taete I I ni l ln th Mouth, Coated I I 11 LLd. Tongue.Paln in the Side. II ISI TOKHID LIVER. They a Vvmff, regulate the Bowela. r riiTrii 'itiia Purely Vegetable. 1 Price 25 Conti; castes miens co., hew yoaz. Small Pill. Small Dose, Small Price! t"OR OKU noi.I.AR Bent tie by mail, w9 will a-- del lver, free of all clianres. to any person ln the United States, all the following articlea laxefully packed In a neat box : One Bottle of Pure Vaseline 10 cts. Onetwo-ouno- e bottle Vaseline Pomade 16cta Onejnr of Vaseline Cold Cream 15 eta. One cake of Vaseline Camphor Ice lOcta. One cake of Vaseline Soap, unsoented.... II) eta. One caka of Vaseline Soup, scented 25 eta. Oo botUe of White Vaseline, 2o eta. tl.UI Or for stnmps any single article at the price. If yon have occasion to use Vaseline ln any form beeansfaj toacceptouly genuine goodsputup byns In original packages. A great many druggists art trying to persuade buyers to take VASKLlNKpul up ly them. Never yield tf such persuasion, as the article I s an Imitation without value, nnd will not give you the result you expect. A bottle of Mm Scul Vaseline is sold by all druggists at ten cents. CHKSKMIot'OH STt. Co., 2 State St.. Hsw York. DbXCWesis NERVE AND BRAIN TREATMENT ipta for Hysteria, Dimness, Fits, Neuralgia, Wak fulness, Maatal Depression, Softening of the Drain, ra suiting In lasanity and leading to misery decaT and eeath, Prematura Old Ago, Barrenness. Loss ot Powet In either sex, ltiToluntary Losses, and Spermatorrha a sensed br overexertion of the brain, e or vent. Kch box contains one month's treat, $i a box, or six for td, sent by mail prepaid, with each order for six boxfs, will send purchase eraarante to refund aaoner if the treatment fatle te) cure. Uuaraateee Uaued and genome sold only by ;ooo7I,in menu t o., 1110 Farnam Street, OMAHA, A KB. DID YOU EVER HAVE $1,000 in your potket atone time, We offer this amount for an ORIGINAL ADVKKT18INO NOVKLTY to the man or woman, boj or gul, who'dkull devita tbe best original-it- y to advert, sp iTLldgo's Pood, For Infanta and lnvallrtt in every home in America, For further Instructions adtJrosa AdTertlsintr Pep' V OOLKK'H A CO., Palmkk, Mas. Went ton the nam of this paper when you write. MA U HOOD ?III(Ry!,?h'. Tut imurudtmre. causuifr i'reinatnre iKvay, Nervous Debility, Lopt ftlarihowi, Ac, havintr tried In vain every knowu remedy, has discovered asimple means of self cure, which lie will send (senled) KRKK to his f.d: Address J. H. ltKEVES, Esq. Uox33W, N. V. City. T kllblUli DEPREDATION CLAIMS. Special attention KlTen to the above. NATHAN mCKFORD, Solicitor of Claims. Washington, D. O. References rnrntshed in any State. Blanks Free, TENTS AND AWNINGS I Panllns, Horse and Waa-o- Corare, Stoekmen'a Bed Sheets, Camplnr Onlflts, Ollelethlna; and all kinds ot Canvas goods. OMAHA TENT AMD AWNUIU CO., 11 IS street, Omaha. Neb. WANTED! A LADY losend outelrenlars, do pleasant, naylnir steady home work, few hours daily. Send 10o (llver) (or bookorin. stnietionsinoiirNK.W AKT, with terms. SYLVAN-CO-Bo- .N.rort Huron, Mich. ed on the shares. No experience required. Directions for ip routing freo. Address, T. J. SKIHUER, Columbus, Kansas. TAP.flMA i,n ,, M farefnlly lnvestad inn, bring Annually frora twan'.T IUU i tn. Test us. Ticca lkrrtsTMKHT Co., Tacotn. Wash B AnlPQ nn naTS "mailer feet. Folia SaHWIbv) comfort. PampUlet Jreet pie pity, Wo. xbs i'edine to., Hew Vcrk. to the history of tho period a full roiwrt of that conversation would be! Finally Lee went out "very pale and evidently under deep emotion," says an officer who happened to see him as he left the venerable friend he was never to wee more. Of all the episodes of this war, to me there is none fuller of pathos than this. As he walked away Lee felt that he was leaving all his hopeu behind him. It happened that he met Ben Hardin Helm at the threshold of the war de-partment. Helm had leen a cadot at West l'oiut while Lee was superintend-ent, and stopped to speak to his old-tim- e commandant. Helm, too, was agitated, for ho was brother-in-la-w to Mr. Lincoln, nnd that, very day Lincoln had offered him tho place of major and pay-maste- r, "vice Longstreet, resign-ed." All this Helm told Col. Lee. "I cannot advise you," said tho stately Virginian, "for within the last hour I have given up my career. I hnve left the United Slates Army. My own mind is too much disturbed to ad-vise you. But do what conscience and honor bid." I shall say nothing of Leo as a soldier of the lato war. There was one curious fact in (!en. Lee's selection of his staff after he succeeded Gen. Joseph E. Johnston in the command of the army of Northern Virginia. It was that his staff was mainly composed of bright young fellows who had como from the Virginia Military Institute, and not of West Pointers. Never have I seen or known such a man as Gen. Lee," said poor Corley, who died by his own hands long after the war. "I saw him every day for hours. No oflieer could bo kinder or more courteous. ho was hedged about by something a strong natural dignity that no man upon earth ever broke through." I think Senator John W. Daniel best estimated Gen. Lee's character in his incomparable oration at Lexington, Va., Juno '.), 1KS3, when ho said: "When the line of battle formed Rob-ert Lee took his place in the lines bo-si-his people, his children, his kin-dred, his home. There can bo no stronger or tenderer tie than that which binds the heart to kindred and home. And on that tie, spanning the heavens, rivctted through eternity to tho throne of God on High, and be-neath it to the souls of good men and true, in that tie rests, stainless and im-mortal, the fame of Robert Lee." a model young soldier. THE EARLY CAREER OF GENERAL ROBERT E. LEE. Ugh! Horse II irrr and 111 Famous Kon liitrreatina; ltemliilscem-- of the Midlife Career of the Fam-ous Man. Kolert Edmund Lee's grandfather gnd father are frequently confounded in history. Kichard Henry Lee, Rob-ert Lee's grandfather, was born at the family seat, Stafford, in Westmoreland County, Va., aliout 1732. Ho was a famous member of the Virginia house of Burgesses. With his great fellow countryman, George Washington, he was among the first Virginians to de-clare that the colonies must set up for themselves. His son, Henry Lee the "Light Horse" Harry Leo of the revolution was born about 1700, possibly a year or two later. He was a very young man when tho war begun that ended in American independence. When Robert Edmund Lee was 18 years old, writes Wm. Hugh Roberts, ho went to West Point. Another young cadet that year from tho same state and about tho same age was Joseph Eccleston Johnston, uftenvard the fam-ous soldier and general of tho confed-eracy. To look at this veteran, its ho walks along our world-famo- avenuo these fine afternoons, you would scarcely think him to be over 80 and bearing eleven honorable battle scars. Tho lives of these two distinguished soldiers were thus blended very earlv in life. While Leo was fond enough of his work, he wanted some duty that would give him more or life. He was a born horseman, and had always regretted that ho did not go into ono of the dragoon regiments when they were organized. We had no cavalry proper in tho regular military estab-lishment until 18oo. To bo sure, there were tho two dragoon regiments and the mounted ritles. But so singularly jealous wus congress of any increase of the regular army that it was not until 18j,"), and under the greatest pressure, that a bill was finally passed, adding the Ninth and Tenth Regiments of in-fantry to the foot force, and authoriz-ing tho creation of two mounted regi-ments, the First and Second ( 'avalry. Hero was Lee's opportunity. For the first and only time in Jhis entire life he used political influence to obtain what ho wanted. Office duty had be-co-more and more distasteful to him, and a four-year- 's tour of duty as super-intendent of the United States Military Academy, beginning at the close of the Mexican war and ending, I believe in 18jl, only strengthened his desire for active service in the field. Jefferson Davis was secretary of war, and it has never been denied that he was one of the very best secretarys the country ever had. As chairman of the house military committee he was the means of getting tho best rifle of that day in-troduced into our service, and had the percussion-loc- k musket adopted in place of the venerable flint and steel piece that had been in use ever since the nation had a history. In the organization of tho new cavalry regi-ments Mr. Davis was especially inter-ested. Even at that now far-aw-period in the nation's history there was rjme sectional feeling growing, and actively stimulated byeertain factions, especially in the New England states. The president, Mr. Pierce, was a New Hampshire man. There wut a great pressure brought to bear upon him touching the political status of the officers of the new regiments, but he divided the positions equally with great fairness. For lieutenant-colonel- s of the two new calvary commands ho went to the corps of engineers. To the first ho commissioned us Lieutenant-Colon- el Joseph Kocleston Johnston; to the sec-ond, in the same grade, he sent K. K. Loo. So just in their prime the two Vir-ginians, who had begun lifo almost together, wero at just the same rank, and where they both most desired to be, in mounted serv ice. It was at a far-o- ff cavalry post, just before tho war, that tho writer saw Lieut. --Col. K. E. Leo. Ho was in the fatigue uniform of his regimental rank. An orderly was holding his horse, a superb "na-tural" thoroughbred. Col. Loo was then something above the fifties in age. Ho stood in his riding boots just, six feet and an inch. As ho gracefully swung himself into the saddle his spirited charger gave a plunge and a bound that would have shaken most horsemen out of tho saddle. But it only served to display tho admirable calvary seat to perfection. A simul-taneous murmur of admiration went up from tho old troopers about me. I thought I had never seen so excellent a type of "the man on horseback," tho man born to command, as ut that mo-ment was Hubert E. Lee! Nothing ever so pained Lee as to leave tho old army. He was on leave early in 1861 and lived at Arlington, and almost daily rodo over to Washing-ton, lie was always in immaculate riding costume and rode tho best horses that could be bought. "Yes, I am somewhat extravagant in tho matter of horses," said Col. Loo, with gravity, to a friend, "but a horse is the noblest work of God after humanity. I do not consider it an extravagance to own the very best horses your means will per-mit." It was a charming spring day, 27th of April, in 1861, when Col. Lee sev-ered his connection with tho United Suites army. He went to the war department. Lieut. --Col. E. D. Town-sen- d, afterward Adjutant-Genera- l, and Major W. A. Nichols wero on duty. I wish to see Gen. Scott," said Lee, after exchanging tho usual salu-tations. So ono of them announced him. He remained with the venerable Virginian and soldier almost two uninterrupted hours. What a valuable contribution A KIND-HEARTE- D DRUGGIST. Mark Twain" Trll an Interretins; Story of Iliiu. Mark Twain was present at the banquet of the National Wholesale Druggist' Association at a recent meeting in Washington, and in return for his dinner related tho following story, given in the Pharmaceutical Era: "About a thousand years ago, ap-proximately, I was apprenticed as a printer's devil to learn the trade, in common with three other boys of about my own age. There came to the village a long-legge- d individual, of about nineteen, from one of the interior counties; fish-eye- no expression, and without the suggestion of a smile couldn't have smiled for a salary. Wo took him for a fool, and thought we would try to scaro him to death. Wo went to the village druggist and borrowed a skeleton. The skeleton didn't belong to the druggist, but he had imported it for the village doctor, because the doctor thought ho would send away for it, having some delicacy about using Laughter. The price of a skeleton at that time was fifty dollars. I don't know how high they go now, but probably higher, on ac-count of tho tariff. We borrowed tho skeleton about nine o'clock at night, and we got this man Nieodemus Dodge was his name we got him down-town, out of tho way, and then we put the skeleton in his bed. lie lived in a little, one-stori- log-cabi- n in the mid-dl- o of a vacaut lot. We left him to get homo by himself. Wo enjoyed tho re-sult in tho light of anticipation: but, we began todropintosilence; the possible consequences were preying upon us. Suppose that it frightens him into madness, overturns his reason, and sends him screeching through the streets'. We shall spend sleepless nights the rest of our days. Everybody was afraid. it was forced to the lips of one of us that we had hotter go at, once and see what had happened. Loaded down wit u crime, we approach-ed that hut and peeped through tho window. That long legged critter was sitting on his bed with a hunk of gin-gerbread in his hand, and bet ween Ihe bites he played a tune on a jew's-har- There he sat perfectly happy, and all around him on the bed were toys nnd jim-erac- and striped candy. The darned cuss, ho had gone and sold that skeleton for live dollars. (Laughter.') The druggist's fifty dollar skeleton was gone. We went in tears to the druggist and explained the matter. We couldn't have raised that fifty dollars in two hundred and fifty years. Wo woro getting board and clothing for tho first year, clothing and board for tho sec-ond year, and both of them for the third year. Tho druggist forgave us on the spot, but he said he would liko us to let him havo our skeletons when we were done with them; There couldn't be anything fairer than that; we spouted our skeletons and went away comfortable. But from that time the druggist's prosperity ceased. That ww otui of the most unfortunate spec-ulations he ever went into. After some years one of the boys went and got drowned; that was one skeleton gone, and I tell you the druggist felt pretty badly about it. A few years al-ter another of the hoys went up in a balloon. Ho was to get five dollars an hour for it. When he gets back they will bo owing him one million dollars. Tho druggist's property was decreas-ing right along. After a few more years, the third boy tried an experi-- ment to see if a dynamito charge would go. It went all right. They found some of him, perhaps a still it was enough to show that some more of that estate had gone. The druggist was getting along in years, and he commenced to correspond with me. I have been the best correspond-ent ho has. Ho is the sweete.-t-nuture- d man I ever saw always mild and polite, and never wants to hurry me at all. I got a letter from him every now and then, and he never refers to my form as a "skeleton; says: "Well, how is it getting along is it in good repair?" 4 1 got a night-rat-e message from him recently said he was getting old and the property was depreciating in value, and if I could let him have a part of it now ho would give time on the balance. Think of the graceful way in which ho does everything the generosity of it all. You cannot find a finer character than that. It is tho gracious characteristic of all druggists. So, out of my heart, I wish you all prosperity and every happiness." CONCERNING THE DIET. What You Kat Matter Little If You At-tain Certain ICraulta. "The human tyslem requires a cer-tain quantity of carbon and of nitrogen to keep up the equilibrium of health," remarked a physician to a New York Telegram reporter. "The healthy man needs 300 grains of nitrogen and 4.600 grains of carbon daily, to supply tho waste that takes place during tho twenty-fou- r hours. Ho should select a diet which can supply as nearly as possible the proper amount of each of these substances. It matters little whether he eats vegetables or meat, so long as he achieves tho result. It is very possible, as vegetarians con-tend, that a well-select- vegetabla diet is capable of bringing the greater number of individuals to the highest physical development of which they are callable, but it would bo difficult for tho majority of workingmen to get tho proper diet of vegetables all tho year round, and a mixed dieL, partly vegetable and partly animal, is most sensible. "Most men eat too much moat. I know some people who live almost entirely upon it. Tho proper pro-portion is about one part of meat to three of vegetables. "One thousand grains of meat con-tain about 100 grains of carbon and lino of nitrogen. Therefore to obtain the 4,000 grains of carbon which a a man's system requires no less than six and a half pounds of meat must bo consumed daily, while the requisite 1500 grains of nitrogen are contained in ono and a half pounds of meat, consequent-ly three or four times more meat must bo consumed to spuply the carbon than is necessary to furnish the nitrogen. "Ono thousand grains of bread con-tain IluO grains of carbon and ten of nitrogen. In other words, to obtain the requisite amount of nitrogen for the system on a diet of bread alone one would havo to consume exactly double the quantity of carbon required. A short calculation shows that two pounds of bread and three-quarte- of a pound of meat just about compensate for tho daily drain on the systen of a healthy man. "Beef and mutton usually contain 1 j per cent of carbonaceous and 20 per cent of nitrogeneous material. Pota-toes have 24 per cent carbonaceous and 2 of nitrogeneous material, very nearly the proportion the system re-quires. Oatmeal has (iti carbonaceous and lti nitrogeneous parts, and, taken alone, is a better article of food than hoof as regards the requirements of the system. Skimmed milk contains car-bon and nitrogen in about equal quan-tities. "Oatmeal and good milk and bread, for breakfast, with beef and potatoes for dinner, form about the best diet that can bo devised." NO FAITH IX INDIANS. PERHAPS HE WAS PREJUDICED, HOWEVER. A Very !' jaerer-ibl- Story a,e Told by m Kom.-inr.ft- t. an Impressionable NeHi.iiT Writer A Had Cowboy. "Perhaps 1 am naturally prejudiced against Indians; but it is my opinion that it is mighty hard to make a white man out of an Indian," said a western romancist to a New York Tribune writ-er. "You soe, "he went on, straighten-ing up suddenly as he became interested and his eyes Hashed, "I can't very easily forget a case I know of. They were all a pretty rough lot, but good fellows of that, kind went in those days. There wen? four of them, and they had picked their horses and were all around the camp lire. 'Jack' Wellen was making coffee, and no doubt it was good eo;Ti. for I havo tasted his coffin! many a time and I never knew it to disappoint me. He was bending over the reals and the others were lying there smoking when it happened. It didn't take long. There was a rush. The embers were scattered to the winds. A half-doe-n shots, a hand-to-han- d clinch, a struggle over the sad-dles and on the ground, and the fight was ended. Only one of the boys got away, and a pity it was that any of them went down like that. "A party of fifteen went over tho prairie at a hard gallop the next d. y, Winchesters across their saddles and carefully loaded colts in their belts. They rode three days after the assassins, and when they found them they were worse than the Indians had been. They caught tho red devils in cam)) and shot them down faster and surer than their friends had met their end. Only one of the Indians got out alive, and she was a young squaw. Now the rest of this story Isn't nice, but it's all gospel truth and carries its own moral. Ono of the boys swung his lariat around her neck. Ho drew it up taut and led her behind him. You see it was vengeance with him. He was in tho saddle and he trotted over the lands for hours. I don't think he knew what he was going to do with her tinally, but his bUiod was hot and he hated the whole race. She, was ready to drop when he took pity on her, and, slipping off his saddle, knotted tho nooso around her throat and lifted her into the saddle. Ho was only a barbarian himself, you see, but ho couldn't kill a woman that way in cold blood. "Well, when they got hack to the ranch ho got a collar and fastened it on her neck and tied her so she could not escape. She was a handsome womnn, not a bit copper-colore- and had clear eyes and a dazzling skin. He kept her tied all the timo, feeding her as if site were a wild panther, and she got so tamo that sho followed him around as far as her tether would lot tier S.0t Sho used to plno when hio was out of her sight md crouchefl it tils feet when ho was around. That is the way with squaws, you know. "His heart softened in the end. and one day he took off the collar and told her to go. Sho wouldn't move. He couldn't drive her away. He offered to scud her back to her tribe, but who sat right down and refused to move an inch. Ho didn't know what to do. Ho coaxed her, and begged her, and threatened her. Sho just groveled there on the ground and hung to his boots. So ono day ho put her behind him on his broncho and rodo sixty miles to a settlement. Ho married her there and camo back to the ranch. 'It was less than six months after this that the devils camo down on us again. He was in tho cabin with her, silting before tho fire. When lie heard tho first yell he jumped to his feet, and seizing his rillo, started to bar the door. There was an axe on tho wall and she pulled it down and fol-lowed him, ready to dio for him. They came bursting into the cabin before either of them could reach tho door. They were all around him, yelling liko demons nnd brandishing their toma-hawks above his head. Ho jumped in-to it corner, drawing her behind hiin to protect her. There was fighting in the door, for the other boys had come over on the run when they heard tho noise. Her eyes were blazing and she was in a tremblo then. But when sho hoard the yells its tho Indians went down be-fore tho revolvers sho turned like a ti-ger on her husband, lie was fighting like a madman, shooting with ono hand and clubbing with the other. Ho was defending her when she raised the axe and killed him. Sho got away with those who survived the tight in that room. I don't know whatever became of her, but when I saw him go down with a groan of surprise nnd grief at her treachery I said: 'An Indian once and an Indian always.' And, mind you. we were nil fighting for our lives. "This isn't a pleasant story and I'm sorry I told it, but you can understand me now whon I say that I believe in the old saying about tho only good Indian." A Song to the Pudding. Listen whilo the kettle sings Of puddings, pies und all good things, . And better, better, best of all, Of England's "speckled cannon ball." Tho comely housewife in a trice Buys flour, sugar, eggs and spice, Then deftly mixes all together Until about the hue of leather; And then sho puts in last of all Tho raisins plump ana currants small. Sho forms the mass into a ball Aud puts it in a kettle tall. Then through the door an odor comes Of heating spice and cooking plums. Then, when with holly in the top, And brandy sauce a royal sop That pudding on its platter stands It seems tho work of fairy hands. Then listen whilo the kettle sings Of puddings, pies and all good things; But, hotter, better, best of all Is this, tho "speckled cannon ball." Maud Stevens. lu cred on by ,T utile. The cry was "On to Richmond!" in the early spring of lMli. and tho army of tho l'otomac separated. Some were sent to Fort Monroe and other points south. Tho German division went down through tho Shenandoah, Sum-ner in command at first, then Fremont und afterward Sigel. I was with the latter, and many and many a long and wearisome march we had, says a writer in tho New York Tress. Finally, ono day, we came to a branch of the Shen-andoah. There were no pontoons and wo waded across, tho water up to our shoulders. We kept marching along, our wet, clothing catching and retaining tho dust. We were just about getting dry when we struck the same river and waded it again, to our exceeding dis-comfort. Later on the same day wo were sick-ened with the sight of another turn of the river. Tho Thirty-nint- h regiment, New York volunteers, were in advaP-.-- e when the order was given to wade across. They kicked and refused, nnd, the rear coming up, a block and con- -' usion ensued. A musician of the Thirty-nint- h, an E flat cornet player, who was one of the jolliest men I ever knew, made a rush for the river, waded in until the water reached nearly to his armpits and began playing an ex-quisite waltz. The sight of that fellow playing un-der such circumstances was so comical that tho soldiers, forgetting all discom-forts, cheered hiin. and when ho had finished followed him with a rush, and tho division encamped on the other side for the night. A New AVay to Take 111m. There sho sat, with sweet surprise Mixed with mischief iu her eyes; While before her he stood culm, Holding iu his outstretched palm A tiny circlet, mado of gold, Chased with figures quaint and old. " 'Twas my grandma's ring," he said. Then quite low, with face grown red. "This offering now to you I bring, I'lead with you to take this ring." From her face the laughter died As she turned her face aside, Slowly took the proffered baud, Slipped it on her bare white bund; . "Thut is right, for don't you soe, I c" now your grandma be." A Time For All Thing. It became tho solemn duty of a Tex-n- s judge to pass sentence on an aged man named George Bliss for stealing a hog. "It is a shame that a man of your age should bo giving up his mind to hog stealing. Do you know any rea-son why sentence should not bo pro. nouneed on you according to law?" "Now, Judge," was the reply of the aged sinner, lUiss, "this is getting to be a trille monotonous. I would like to know how a fellow can manage to please you judges. When I was only seventeen years old I got throe years, and tho judge said I ought to be ashamed of mysolf to bo stealing nt my age. When I was forty I got five years, nd that judge said it was a shame that x man in his very best years should steal. And now, whon I am seventy years of ago, here you come and chew over tho same old story. Now, I would like to know what year of a man's life is tho best ono, according to your no-tion, to begin a crime of life." Tho judge told Bliss that if ho wanted legal advice he had better consult with sumo lawyer, and then passed the usual sentenco of live years. Siftings. IrHaiingliig a IV'ractioua Homo. 'When a horse stops and proposes to turn around," says a trainer, "don't re--j sis.t tho turn, but give him a quiet, horizontal turn so as to turn him fur-- j ther around than he intended to go, nnd, if possible, keep him going around half a dozen times. In most cases this will upset his calculations, and he will go quietly on without much ado. If six turns will not do give him twenty. In fact, if ho will keep on turning to your rein, you aro sure to conquer, as enough turning will confuse him and leave him at your command. If he will not turn and backs to tho roin, keep him going backward in tho direc-tion you want him to go. Ho will soon get tired of that and prefor to go with the right end forward, but before you let him give him decidedly more back-ing than he likes. Attny Alioad 01 No ah'a Ark. A dispute once arose between two Scotchmen, named Campbell and Mc- Lean, upon tho antiquity of their families. Tho latter would not allow that tho Campbells hud any right to rank with tho McLeans in antiquity, who, he insisted, wero in existence a.--a clan since tho beginning of the world. Campbell had a little more biblical knowledge than his antagonist and asked of the clan McLean before the flood. "Flood! what flood?" asked McLean. "Why the Hood that drowned all the world but Noah and his family, and returned Campbell. "I'ooh! you and your flood," said McLean, elan was before that Hood of course." "I have not rend in my Bible," said Campbell, "of any one of the name ol McLean going into Noah's ark." ' "Noah's ark!" angrily exclaimed McLean "who ever heard of a McLear that hadn't a boat of his own?" Tlic Tramp.' Hut Iodge. 'Yep," said Pink Whiskers, the tramp, "I wisht had as many dollars as it is easy to git hats. You see, a gang uv us will lay down in tho weeds alongside uv tho railroad a little way from tho water tank. Jest as a pas-senger train is about to start off, after the engine is through takin' water, we jump up an' holler, Howdy, Kernel.' Then all the men in the cars stick their heads out uv the winders, and we grab their hats and slide. Uv course this is in the south. In the West we say 'Jedge.' an' in tho East Porfesscr.' Anywhere else we sing out: "Howdy, Mr. Smith?" Kentucky State Journal. Ill t Ambition. Visitor: "Are you going to be a great man when you grow up, Willie?" Willie: "You bet? I'm going to be an Arctic explorer." "An Arctic explorer's lifo is full of hardships, Willie." "Yes'm. But I can stand 'em, I reckon." "I like your spirit, rny boy. There is a great deal of glory to be gained in a career of that kind." Yes'm. And you don't have to wash your face. He ITovcd It. A Providence grocer wagered that he could charge up a gallon cf molas-ses to twenty different customers who traded on credit with him, and at least eighteen out of the lot would pny with-out question. He did even better than he hoped to, as nineteen out of the twenty paid, nnd the other said he'd see his wife first und ak if it wasn't an error. |