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Show WIT AND HUMOIt. Every dog has his day and the cat ieero to be quarreling over the nights. Lift. The best Christian is tho man who never meutious the fact that he is one. Atchison Globe. Mouev has some human characteristics. character-istics. 'It talks nud it gets tight. Pittsburg Chronicle. Somehow we never notice what those people have on who come to us in our trouble. Atchison Globe. You must hustle to win. In the jackpot jack-pot of life the man who is shy is not in it. Indianapolis Journal. Jinks '-What a blck eye you have! Been boxing?" Binks "No; getting boxad!" Boston Traveler. It seems to be easier to be a Napoleon of Finance than to pay, 100 cents on a dollar. Lcwislon Journal. "Those waves remind me of the servants ser-vants I had last year." "So green?" "No. Breakers." Figaro. Very few hearts are ever so badly broken that a little golden salve will not make them better than new. Boston Traveler. The days are "short" now because there is not so much time iu them as there was, and time is niouey. Bills-burg Bills-burg Chronicle. Poet "I sent you some verses this morning." Editor "All right. Til see that you get them back rijrht awav." -A', Y. World. Shady "My reputation is very dear to me." Ontoit "Probably. Have to pay cash for everything, don't you?" Detroit Free Press. The earliest instance of gambling known tc history was when a pair-o' dice was thrown up by Adam and Eve. St. Joseph Xews. Johnny "What is a theory, pa?" Pa "A theory, my son, is an impracticable impract-icable plan for doing something tnat is impossible." .fact. When a well-known prevaricator declared de-clared that ho was afraid to lie Foots replied that he had too mean an ouinion of his own courage. Life. "What is the solution of the negro problem?'' demanded the orator. "Foiir-eleven-forty-four." replied a man in the audience. Ar. I', bun. Dashaway "I have' fallen into the bad habit of talking to myself lately." Clevertou "I wondered why vou were looking so bored." Harper's bazar. Singleton "Are all typewriters pretty?" Benedict "Well, every man's wife thinks that her husband's is, auyway!" Lawrence American. "Simpson is a curious fellow; I never knew him to laugh at a joke." "Then it's evident you never heard him tell one himself." A'. Y. Times. Alphonso "Do you know, Miss Maud, 1 weally had half a mind lahst nisrht " Miss Maud ' O, why didn't mi L-uii uu liiu last uigiH. teirVU Free tress. "I cau't imagine," said the lawyer, "how m plot like that can continue -through live nets." "O, but you gee. in the second a suit at law ij begun." Fliegende Blatter. A co-respondent wants to know if fits are hereditary." Any small boy compelled to wear out his father's old clothes could tell him they are not. Indianapolis Journal. Cooppie "It's very disagreeable when a fellah goes into society to meet one's tradespeople." Cynicus "Whv, they don't dun you before the company, do they?" N. Y. Sun. Teacher "You think sin is an ad- , j jective, do you? How would you com- ' pare it?" Smart Boy "Positive, sinj ; comparative, sinner; superlative, cynic." Buffalo Express. I "Nature," says Scappleton, "never makes a mistake." "O, I don't know about that; look at the dude." "Yes; but she didn't waste any brains on f I him." Washington Bast. " i A Canadian doctor has just been testifying that a murdered man's heart I stopped "right in the middle of a beat." That's nothing; policemen often do the ". same thing. Utica Herald. 1 i j "Who is making all this talk?" asked ' t the viuegar bottle severely at. a social 3 repast. "I am," said the" champagne J bottle proudly from the head jf the , table. Hew Orleans Bicayune. I ! t Mr. Bingo "Here's a bill fcf gas." Mrs. Bingo "But tho gas Ins been ; ' turned off all summer." Mr. Jingo "Well, this is a bill for the Jis that I ? was turned off." N. Y. Heraij. j f Bloomer (to ragged urehini-"Your j parents left you somethior when I they died, did "they not?" Urchin I . " "O. yes, vdr." Bloomer "Vliat did I ' they leave you?" Urchin orphan. 1 sir." Epoch. ( f Lawyer "Well, sir, we wq! the case, , '1 but it was a pretty narrow) victory. v 3 Client "Yes, I thought thother side f had us until you showed fhat theii i f principal witness was a lisfcrmau." 'it Munsey's Weekly. 7 if Miss Porkington "I nndrstand that ' I Gilbert and Sullivan will ieet again J and settle their differeijes." Miss O Bostone "I'll bet a rib Silvan knocks him out inside of threi rouuds." H Washington Star. I it Sauso "Brown is a lit fellow, but M he has never been the sale since that if accident happened to n." Rodd Ef What accident?" huso "After if making his fortune he it mashed on m himself." A'. Y. Heraij I Caller "What do yoHhink of tin Berlin idea of uniform; reporters? g American Editor "P reporters i 1 uniform? Nonsense! Ilnifornied r f porters would be of ncfiore use in d 1 tect ing crime than so upy policemen f A'. Y. Weekly. 1 I "I never saw a maiiat knows le' f "He isn't very briliij, that's tru" f "Why, I remember ll winter, wla I had such a severe Id, he Was ie only man I met thatilu't know 'dj tell me a sure cure ftit right off-l Philadelphia Times. I I "Papa." said littf Johnny P.erf deck, "my book sai hat some pJ of ivory nre mo expensive ' others. Which kinjirc thev?" er. O, yes The li kind; J0uf costs ten, the redsK ami ti1H .iJu T |