OCR Text |
Show trust Isn't doing a thing to encourage emigration. A Black Eye. Aunt Anna asked her JH tic u-phew what he would like to give hi cousin for hla birthday, "I know," he. answered, "but I ain't lls enough."- Delineator. Sympathetic. Mycr , (proudly) My son is learning learn-ing t play on the violin. Oyer Well, yon have my sympathy, I have a dog that howls at the moon. I Chicago Newe. JUST FOR FUN The Prisoner's Escape. Jud?e Phillips wau holding court in Missouri and stopping at a hotel that was known all over the sta e as . one of the worst. If not the worst. I A man was brought before the Judge charged with larceny and plead ed guilty. "Prisoner," said the Judge, "this is an atrocious crime you have committed and I Intend to punish you severely. I wish I had it In my power pow-er to send you to our hctel for six months, but I hae not that power, and therefore can only put you In jail." Philade'phla Saturday Evening Post. Just Resentment. One day a Scottish boy and an English Eng-lish boy who had been fighting were separated by their respective mothers the Sco'tish boy, although the smaller smal-ler of the two, being by far the more pugnacious. "Whit garred ye fecht a big laddie like that?" nsi;ol his mother, as she wSped the lloocl from his nose. "And I'll fecht blm again," ex el limed the lad, "if ho says Scotsmen hi v tae wear kiUs because their feet aro too bl; tae get into their troo.s ers!" Tlt-Ults. Exceedingly Conscientious. Mr. Mukeby (Iho prospective prcom) Now, we'd like to git de knot titd in youah own house, pahson, if you hab no objections. Parson Black Suttalnly I habn't, Mistah Mokeby; what makes you think I might hah? Mr. Mokty I done heerd so often dat marriage am a lottery, I thought p'raps you might hab scruples about conduct in' dat kind ob gamblin' on youah premises. His Preference. " "A traveling company of more or less merit Is going to play "Sappho at tho Op'ry House tonight, at 10, 20 and ".0 cents admission," remarktd the old Codger, with hla usual pessimistic pessi-mistic acridity, "But I guesa I'll Just stay at home and smoko In comfort and look at tv corset advertisements In the fashion magazines." Puck. Wise to One Thing. The rustic-looking stranger In New-York New-York gazed wonderlngly at the crowd disappearing into a subway entrance en-trance "By gravy!" he exclaimed, "but this here Is a thirsty town an' no mistake." mis-take." "Why. what makes you think so, Hiram?" Inquired hla wife. "Why," said 1 Brain, "just look at all the follis rushln' Lnto that there raths-keller-" O-O-O-OH- Uttle Margie (to neighbor) Did you know we'vo got twins at our h' UPe Mrs. Jones. Mrs. Jones (astounded) Good grant gra-nt us child, uo! Arc you sare? Little Maigie (loftily) Well, I guess my ma knows twin brass beds when she sees 'em! j Slightly Overdrawn. Cadsby A month ago my wife decided de-cided to set aside just one day of each wok for shopping. G.iley How's (ho scheme working out? Gudsby Fine; except that so far s!ie has borrowed seventeen shopping days from future weeks! They Say These Th'ngs. One Girl Why do you Insist on marrying Lighter? Ha isn't to be trusted The Other Girl Why, I'd trust him with my life. "But I mean that ho Is not to be trusted with anything valuable that is or er." Kansas City Post. Realism. "That actress sheds real tears at every' performance. " "Yes, she Is moved by her deep sympathy for tho manager's distress when he gives up real money." Wash lngton Star. Out In the Wilds. Foxton litis that let In Lonclyvllle you bought Increased In value? Folruy (In disgust) One can't ox-I ox-I poet it to, when tho darn trolley |