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Show Ihmi-o," the t.riy colli, and his ntnte-ineru ntnte-ineru wo lrnmocU.iily verified y thi clarion ralU r f two 1M mouth K'"k !-r:i8tTA Chlra; , New?. Valuable Property. "What do ym think of thK Henry?" rornsrUoii Mrs. TVckhem. looking up from tbc pa'rr ho m pernMnc. "A wonmn In Ohio has railway company for Jio.oon because of the lot of h-r thumb." "Well." re.loined Feckhem. "thnt ln't to,, mnch If It was the thumb he kept her husband under." Chicago Chi-cago News. Impossible. "Couldn't you Hop thnt steam pip from hUslnx po?" said the provoked trasedian to the property man Ri n" c&tuo cfT the Vtace. "Not while yon were on the rtase, r'r"- the reply of the attendant. Yonkers Statesman. JUST FOR .FUN t When Her Faith Failed. During the progress of a big "protracted "pro-tracted meeting," lor which the South Is famous, an ardent sister of the church, who usually came in an old-fashioned old-fashioned buckbeard drawn by the family horse, was late for a particularly particu-larly Important sen Ice and was being severely censured by the pastor. KxplaLiln the reason for blng late the good Mster said that the horse had taken fright at a passing train nnd bolted, and that the wreck of the rig had prevented her from being on time. "My dear sister, such little things should not make you late for divine services. You should tnist In the lxrd." "Well, brother." she replied, and there was a lack of calm peacefulness on her faee. "I did trust In tho Iyird till th beltyband busted a-id then I had to Jump." Flushing Chronicle-Telegraph. Chronicle-Telegraph. Deemed It a Tongue. "The self-made man is snlendid." said Andrew Carnegie at a dinner In Washington, "if he makes himself a j mental and spiritual no less than a financial success. "Too manv self-made men neglect the intellectual side. This sometimes at commencements, for example puts them at a disadvantage. "I know a self-made nan who said at a commencement to his nephew: " 'Well. Tommv, my son. what do j they teach ,?ov here?' ' Latin and Greek." the boy replied, 'and German and algebra.' " 'Dear mo'.' cried the self-made man. 'And what's the algebra for turnip?" " Washington Star Used by Our Best. ' Forget It cast it away "-Haw f home's "Marble Faun." "She was a respectable old guy." Thackeray"? "Vanity Fair." "Ifs a sure thing " -Goldsmith's "She SioopK, to Conouer." 'Twenty-three."' Dickens' "Tal oT Two Cities." "Gave Hector n gilt-a silt nutmeg a P-mon." Shakespeare's " love's Labors Lost," Cut in and wi i " Thackeray's "Vanity Fair." ' Gone to the waM." Banyan's "Pil-gr)m". "Pil-gr)m". Pn gress." Life. The Safe Kind. Little i Willie Say, oa. what is a paf burglar? i'A safe burglar, my son, Is on? who is behind, the bars. Exchange. Heard, But Not Seen. "Hae you seen uny crows?" asked the man with the gun. "No. 1 ain't." replied the farmer's bov. "hut I've heard somrt." 'From what direction?" cried the hunter. "From the direction of the chicken |