Show THE california MAN such is the patriots boast reter we roam denver inter ocean oceail my ay iy fellow passengers in the trip tr 11 C baat lul across the plains plaiDS over ison topeka santa fo road were not very lively or sociable until wo we pulled out from pueblo and then they brightened up epand and began to lie to each other we ran over a dog which had the tile effect of making us all lil lifelong elong friends for the time being there arc are only two ways of making the monotonous ride of miles across the plains endurable and they a are re cither either to become insensible before you start and remain so or else to have a lively party to accompany you some of us tried to become insensible and our efforts had the effect of making us a very lively party before we reached kansas city one of our party discovered a feather on the porters coat while that individual was dakill making up a berth he came back in ac the smoking room and reported the find we appointed a committee of three to question the porter as to where the feather came from the committee reported that the t he colored individual i had said the feather ha had evidently coma come from one of the pillows pillow the committee also secured the feather cather f the fat man mail who occupied two seats and traveled on a deadhead ticket gave it as his opinion that the company had placed the feather on the porters coat for the believe purpose of making the passengers believe there were more feathers in in the car possibly in the pillows or mattresses ses cs the lean man who sat on one button of the porters scat seat in the washroom said that it was wits a shame to raise the hopes of the passengers in that way lots were drawn for the possession of the feather and the california man won the prize and ale slept V t in in the downy beds of case ease that night Talk ln about feathers said the california man california uses a great many a very great many ah ali in what way asked the mail man in the checked suit why cousee replied the california ca li man the fruit gro grown n in in my state is no rio good if it is allowed W to fall to the ground round the fall bruises it and mafes makes it unmarketable the consequence is that the fruit growers have to have feather beds under all the trees for the fruit to drop upon I am going east now to patent an electrical machine for preventing the fruit from falling when it becomes rite ripe I will run a wire to the trun trunk of each tree and the blamed fruit will have to hang on as long as the circuit is connected when the fruit ia h almost ripe I will have mn men with baskets lined with silk plush stand under the trees I will then turn off the current and the tile fruit is bound to drop A very nice nice arrangement wo we all replied in in chorus for we wanted to encourage the calif california ornia man yes but then california is bisno no place for a poor man he lie continued and it pay to raise fruit fruit there is worse than the Ilic michigan higan fires or the mississippi ji floods it will get the best of you I remember a poor economical pawnbroker named abe solomon who thought he lie would manufacture a sign of the three golden balls to hang jiang out in front of his store ile he took three of odthe the smallest california cali f r nia gia grapes he be could find covered them W with goldleaf gold leaf and hung lung them UD un over his store door he Hewen went home thome that n night i chuckling over the idea that lie had got his sign so cheap but poor p fellow that sign proved his ruin ruin how so we asked well abe came down don the next morning and found the street in front of his store blockaded and von policemen policemen oli cemen guar guarding di ing his ii ais premises you see the grapes had grown during the night and their weight had pulled the front of his store out and completely demolished the building Is that possible asked the thin man never spoke a truer word in my life retried replied the california man nian and we believed him I dont understand said the drummer looking out of the window win why the fa farmers amers allow young cattle to nibble at the tops of this winter wheat why said the california man its ts to make the roots strong but they do that in california I remember poor dick smith h he turned his cattle out to graze on the meadow which he lie had sown in winter wheat thinking it was growing to fast and it does doa grow powerful fast there the next morning he be went out to round up his cattle but nary a cattle could he lie find ap pp they had bad all taken to eh eb aid paid the fat man no no bless you know tile there re had come up a shower in the night that had started smiths wheat to growing and the wheat had actually taken the cattle u up with iland they were clean out of sight next morning why lie cut the wheat down asked the plainville Plain ville roan man it no use replied the california in man an he have sold it why not because it would have tasted of the beef it oranges must be very abundant i in a your state ta te humbly suggested the lean man abundant well you you can gamble on the fact that alig they arc rep replied led the california man speaking of oranges reminds me of J johnny an n morton Y johnny binny wag wasa a goodkind good kind of a by boy but lie would play play with a bean benn b blower ower ho ile ran short h ort of beans ono one day lay and had to fall back on orange seeds well one day he lie thought he lie would take a shy at his father so lie hid behind the barn and when the old gentl gentlemen emeri came out johnny fired an orange seed at him that orange seed took old AL morton lorton right in the car and it went in so deep they get it out again next morning the old gentleman was suffering with a big head lead the doctor examined him and found two little green leaves in his car seed had taken root eh yea yes and they stop it cither either they just had a nurse to sit by marions Mo lor rions tons side and pull those leaves off as soon as they appeared but it was wis no use the tile leaves got the upper hand and kept it the plant grew so rapidly that morton got discouraged and died with the statement on his lips that he was tired on bucking against california fruit alig they planted morton and the tree at t anc c same time for they were one and inseparable we arc are nea nearing rint florence said the fat man and wo we stand of getting get a very nice nice supper I think I shall hall just tackle a slight lunch said tho the california roan man although I got in myself into trouble once for bringing lunch on oil board how flow was that aske askel l the drummer why etwas down in los angeles and I stopped off and drank a glass of milk at the lunch counter and bought a doughnut I brought the doughnut on oil the train but the conductor would not lot let me keep it in in the pas passenger sener car it why not wo we asked why said the california Wi fornia man I he claimed that it was freight and wanted roe me to pay express charges on it a florence twenty minutes for supper shouted the brakeman and wo we all supped cupped |