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Show WITH THE .lESTEliS HUMOR OF LIFE PUT UP IN SMALL PACKAGES. Opening of the Hunting Season Duly Chronicled Little Circumstance That Cheered Up Unfortunate Man In the "Smart Set." Adding Insult to Injury. Rhe had just handed htm ti e frosty milt, but be was game to the hot hurdle. "If you are ever In trouble," he .aid. "do not beiliate to lilt up your voice and you will find me 'Johnny on tho sistl.' " "I m In trouble now." answered the hiiicnn reft I):i iiitor with a sigh long drawn out. "And helotd!" exclaimed tie ur.so pccttiiR youth, i am uei-e, " , ' she said, that's tie trouble." His Casa Not So Bad After All. "Ah. It a a sad old world." si). lied Ihe man who had been c.nat'-d out of ):o. "Ves," anei led Ms, neighbor: "oi e if my l-.iu-es get bis head fun In the I havrack lnl nl. I anl luol.e his neck. I was ofiered $'.'() lor him less toun a nun 1 1 bo." "I'sl.aw! TI nt's too bad Ionian, hough It was roln' to lulgliten up li.nl It?" And he went o.i his w.i ol.Utlll g cheeilully. Up Arjalnsi a Frctt. ,'nk So you i.iii; a.e.l to g- t ec-.pu-lit'eil wlih Mis i Ml'ly it. a lit the tensliore. eh? Tom - Yes. fl'ic droie-l b-- I nnd kerc ilef on Tie beni h. ami niter pici;-ti pici;-ti g It up I mnde n few reu.uils for the imriHiso of hrnkttr, Ihe Ice as It were. Jnsk And was your b e htenl.lt g effort a success? Tom Oh, yes; but I didn't cut any. Might Ce She Bumps. "Tnat mini Is n plirer:o!o: ist. Pat." "A what?" ashed I'ut, pii..lcd. "A p:trenoloi.,lst." ! "An' sure, whnt's that, sort ?" "Why, a man thai isii tell, by feel-leg feel-leg the humps on ycur bead, what kind of a man you are." "Humps on my head. Is It?" exclaimed ex-claimed l'at. "Ilcgorru. then, I Ihl'.k U would give him moru of an Idea w.iat kind of a woiuati me wife Is!" Not In Any Rush. "Swing low, sweet chariot" exclaimed ex-claimed Deacon Darklelgh. "Swing low! Swing ralght straight In ermongst us, en pick us up w enBt we ain't, lookln. en tek us off w'ilst w-e ncvah dreninln' tint yo' comln' at all! ttwtiiK low, en swing fasti" ' "Jlol'-on dah. Ilrotheh Darklek-h," shouted Klder Snowball. "Hoi' on dah. We doan' wan' no ottermoblle business erlmut dla yah sweet chariot!" Tha Easier Way. "I've been two weeka lrlrg to coat my hushat-d to give mn I'.d to buy a rcw dreis," cornpliilnel Mts. t;az.um to Mrs. Willi. . "I never do tl nt." "Wl at do you do?" "I have my few dies c'inrgrd and leave my hiishacd to light It out with the collector." Harper's lla.ur. Conflict of Opinion. "What a bright looklcg buhy!" commented com-mented the mnle i aller. "Do you think so?" nikcd the proud father. ' Von know eveijl.oily says It looks Just like mo." "Well, ., oil bcllevo wlat I tell you, old mnn." niilied the caller, soothingly. soothing-ly. "The others are Jealous that's whnt's Ihe metier with them." Cut of Sorta. "See here," said the conceited young stump speaker, "you promised lo print my speech In lull and you I uven't given mote Hutu half of It." "Ves." replied Ihn editor of the .i.nn i.ui.i.r "hill I .ll.lli'l im, r, lie I.. buy the extia fouls of up!tnl Is we lound we'd need." Huntioc Note. The "coon" s'-ason Is now on. Sorry He Spoke. I.lttle tllrl ' I'lease, sir, mamma wants a spool of rod silk." Crusty Hhopkoi per "Why didn't your mother have sense enough to tell you tho exact nlindo of red?" I.lttle Girl "She did, air: she said about the color of your nose." Might Be Worse. Mrs. ParvenuAnd then tha wbol awful alory got Into the papera. Mra. Heentheri' Oh. well, matters might be ait II I worse. It might have been dramatized. Judge. Thoughtful. 1 I "Have you any more duns?" Inquired thn sultan of Turkey. "A few," annweicd Ihe court offl- i rial. i "Well, M me have them." ' . "I hope voir tmij"ity is not golr.R : ' to allow ynnracH to be personally I worried by these importunate " "Nol nt all. The pearl of the harem wants them. She u mulling an auto- I" graph rolli-i II. in." 1 ',. ' BiouqM Him to lime. i 'f Vary ,! err". I have heard yon i ' - swl en of fri- hi -nt l us a sueceriful I 1 business ninn." j . tiiorge I sin (but. Why?" t ' ' .Vary -"Will. lonshlcrlcK the fart j p thai )ou have !,- at inning nie for i ?. Ilnee n i h . I H ick you should main- ! ', tnln .our icpiiiiiliiu and talk bush i j- IV tr.niiitiilue I Ills reputation. , ' I : - His Sympathetic Feeling. , ; "The liny me glowing tliortcr." re- j r marked HIUMilelliui s. j ft "I'hey lme i ly i-ytiitinlby." re-nark- f ed the Wise tie; "I hu.e tile best ol j t them. ' S Hi w s ? ' I i nu I he any s iorler Ibnn I am now." Why Bo Cruel? i (11 1 ! Il-Yaa.-I love music, but st u in ii" In snv I cun t curry a alng.a ii ir In my head She - it is sttniige. 'i bere'a routa i enough fur a waoli oiera? No Wonder. l)oi - Yes, she was furious ab"'lt the way In which that paper npuitcd her marriage. Helen-I ill It nlluilo lo hev age? Doris Ii directly It sluted ll. at "Miss -Ohio and Mr. Yale were mar-, r. .1, the latter h.-iuii a well knuwa collector of lllllhitlltli s.' A Sure Winner. "Do you think Ibere Is any prospect j of Inventing a Hying ni.nl, line that , will bn comnieiclnlly Kselnl?" t "t'erilnl," ncswerel the nerouniit. ... ' "I have one w ilch is lioiind lo mai.9 f--money. All you have to do Is to get . peoile lo pay lor llic- ptlvlUge uf seeing see-ing II co up." , Cs.s Was Hopeless. "Put be ionics from ot o of tho best families." urged the mother. "Oh. yes. I I. now," she said, wearily, " but couldn't be be Induced, lo return?" re-turn?" And then I er pnret I. I t ew It win of no flintier u.ut trying to ariunge tha mat. .i. Trout. .a Still Ahead. "Well," .ui,l l in Duly who was en- , ; deUMirlng lo give the widow oi. sola- ; i lion on tho way himiu from t'lu cemetery. ceme-tery. "Ihe worst Is over now." J "I'm afraid nil." answered Hie afflicted af-flicted one. "the lawyer says there's a bad Haw In one of the Insurance poll j " Condensed. K'i!n Show Mm:-8n hove, your piipi-r M-ui'l the litK't ai;iilif In injr ' 1 HiatM lair hImiw wiin twci ly fi-ct lung, '. it'll It ri-ally il lit-ontf twl. IMItnr- Kni ry. hnt w u'-re crnwdcl fur rrp.im fr.h"iltiy aul ul tu cut tuorytliliu; tln. lntlliutapulls N."aj, In "ti t Snarl ftet." ( "I ninh'intMi il ii. n. plwiu.c oh mt 'inurr inn nntl uivii K In tnui i Iiik' it itmv v,tt sIiNm.-iI -(l.. ...;,.;. In (Joinuni'a avxrll Ilt.w Irnvn th- y r iari:i 1 It?" "Why. tlfy Hpfiik uf 'nmrrylm; anil Imij It: k In n-nrrini;,.' " ; 6tl!l Under the Spell. Mra. I'ov. era-- I UwV Inh, if ynu wra to live your life all over ucaln, and It r ii itk, t(t thi nwiltcr at ( hrnihlnK u wiTf, k volt th In It you HOtild chooHU me?" , Mr. I'nwiTM -(HuhtnlKMlvi'ly Thnre't tiu dmibt about It, Murlu, provhled you wnnU'il nit. What Did She Mean? Mr. Iti'iiniiic- -iii.(y! I put mr t hut on that wW tovvi-l. I worulpr on r wlwit rlilii ulous HiIiik 1 tlmll pluce It t' ut'xt ?" i Mm. Ivurpro "On your brad, I J pupjuiHo, love," r A Child's Frankness. I.Ktlf) Ilolihy was Inhpci-t ijt the new Iml.y Tor llu- flrnt time, utul hlu du-tuirk wan bh ffjllows; f "I H'poHt-r It'a nlf-r piiouth. hat ttM'ic 1h of It hut I'm Hony It ain't a j parrot." G loveless Preliminaries. Ilnwhhllp--Tho (Vuvrrnor of Kn ) turKy la trying to Hlop u prize ti,;t:t j r)('ililc( for tlyit Btjtl o. VHn Htuain Yos. tho Krnhnliy au- n thnrltlcH will rjulfftvor to tiumllti tha I glove ronli'st wltlxiitt k loves. I A Bhade Ahead. , I I hpllfvft In ithors. iuva seen at IraM one In my life." "WbII. 1 have nevir seen any. You r hav a shade the b. st of ms." i : j i r |
