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Show nn iiitr.vi tiii: iinh "Itecently I tiiiim a small town In the southern part of Kentucky," says a correspondent of the Denver Nws, "and called on the only merchant of tho place. I found blm opening a caio of axle grease, llo look o!t the lid of ono of tho small boxes of yellow gresse and left It uncovered. "Soon nn old colored man came In, ond noticing tho nxlo grmixysnld! "'flood morning, Mossa Johnsonl What am dem little cheeses worf?" "'About 111 cents, I reckon, 8am,' said tho merchant "'8'poee If I buys one ou will trow In do crackers' " 'Yes, ram ' "Bam put his hand Intn his pockot and flshed out IB cents nnd Mr. John-ton John-ton took hla scoop and dipped up aomo crackers "81m picked tip the uncovered box and tho crackers and went to tho back part of tho store. Then he took out his knife and fell to eating. "Another customer camo In, and Mr Johnson lost sight of hla colored friend for n moment rresently Mr Johnson John-son went In Ihe back part ot tho store and said' "'Well, Bam, how goes It J' " 'Say. Massa Johnson, dem crackers Is all right, but dat am do ransomesl cheese I ebber will'" IX low:, hut UAH TllliirrV. From tho Ijondon Telegraph: Tho late l'rofofior Bhuttloworth ot tondon was particularly fond of tolling bow when he once acted as locum tentns In Devonshire, he had to proclaim the banns of mnrrltge ot n young yokel and a village maid A fortnight latet tho young, swain raited at tba profes. sor's lodgings, "You put up tho banns for mo?" ho said. "Yea, I remember," replied Mr. Bhuttloworth. Bhut-tloworth. "Well," Inquired tho yokel, "baa It got to go on?" "What do you mean?" naked the professor. "Aro you tired of the girl?" "No," was tho unexpected answer, "but I like her sister better." "Oh, If the original girl doesn't mind vnn ran tnnrrv her ltar" "Hut should I havo to be 'called' again?" 'Certainly, that's necessary," answered an-swered Mr Shtittleworth. "Hut should I havo to pay again?" "Yes, It would cost you three and sixpence 'Oh, would It?" rejoined tho yokel after reflection, "Then I'll lot It remain re-main as It Is," and he did. 111; itKti.itii'.i). "Why, what's the mutter, daughter? neen married but a brief month and weeping so hlttorlyl Toll me what Is the trouble. Barely you nnd Jack bavo-n't bavo-n't quarreled already, have you?" "No, mamma." "And be hasn't gono away and left you, I'm sure." "Oh, no, mammal Jack wouldn't bo qulto as me-tn aa that" "Then what In tlin world ran have happened to mako youso miserable? Is Jsck In trouble I mean, baa bs met wllh any reverses?" "Yes, mamma, that's Itl Ills reverses. re-verses. When ho was courting me ho never left tbo homo till 12 o'clock or after and now ho'a reversed that rule and never comes homo till about that tlmo." Illchmnnd Dispatch, IT IIII'.W IIP. Meeting bis chief lu tho companion-way, companion-way, tbe ordinary pirate, although laboring la-boring under tho Intonscst excitement, saluted! "I havo tho honor to Inform you, sir," said he, "that U10 ruarnilno has gone tip!" "Tbo powder magazine, you doubtless doubt-less mean?" said the captain. ''No. The magazine In which tho story ot our adventures Is running," The captain paled. For a moment be thought ot shouting hoarsely to his men to clear away the boats, but this would obviously ntall nothing. They must all perish Detroit Journal. A TIIItllTV IIOCTOII, Friend Uut, doctor, why do you carry car-ry two umbrellas? Doctor Ono Is brand-now and I wanted to spare It as long as poulbls. it itintitsri). Mr, U Jecks Well, Miss Coldcaib, I suppose you received a good many birthday cards? Miss Coldcash (sweetly) Oh, yos; and thero was ono particularly dainty and artistic I am sure It came from you. Mr. 1a Jecks (delighted) What mokes you think so? Miss Coldcash Decauso I sent It to you on your last birthday. Tlt-lllU. rlf-KIK CIlMATr-. "I got my cutter down yesterday." "Did you rldo?" Nop dusted It, and put It back." Cleveland Plain Dealer, -T3r''-cWia:.' ; n; UIIV Wilt IK WAMIKRKD. WBmhSS Lady Why jre .you, wandslas; BmfwW? around the country, I should like t KJLsKbW know, Instead ot staying at boms anl Wnjpjf! taking care of your family?' ' JbBdwW Tramp You see, mum, my wife had, HDhHSrS a very good servant girl, a regular TrfjffirT? Jewel, mum, " uXfiftr''" "That loosn't seem possible." Xhhu'aV 'There never was but one, perfect JHuZha girl, and my 'wife had her, mum." rSVaWrVQ "Mercy! What a lucky woman" twiHsJt "Yes, mum, so my wife ortoo'i.'ildj fiJ&J&V Hut you see, mum, tho girl didn't like, WBHkL me " nMfVj "She didn't?" liflJUfa- "No, mum Bho said my wife would iwSRwi havo to discharge her or me, and she hSMGi. discharged mo " IKKlALar "Oh I see Here's some money." WkIRm New York Weekly. KfSffiu tow: IN A KITLIir.V. fl3lM ISllil WkMJm&4 HI IXo Bho Here we have been married nearly three months and I bare not H shown you what I can cook. H Ho For heaven's sako, are you tired B ot me already? H runt At It waa beforo tbo fall. jH "Adam," said our first mother In a ' H serious tone, "we certainly are living H beyond our means." H "That's exactly my own opinion, H little woman," said the father ot bio kind. "And what do you propose to H do about lH "We must economize." laid the.unl- lH Tcrsal mother. H "Yts," said Adam, "we must and I, am ready to second anything you sug- gest Hut wait There Is one Item ot jH expenditure that positively must be H excepted from tho pruning shears." H "And whnt Is that?" H "I will not" snld Adam, with a H strong emphasis, "I will not hare our H laundry bills cut downl" Cleveland H Plain Dealer. H |
