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Show SCHOOLS OF OGDEN, BOARD OF SURVEY AND AN ARMY MULE Local Humorist Sees the Funny Side of Life and Gets Badly Mixed on School and Board and Mule But Winds Up by Telling a Story With a Local Application That Is a Laugh Producer. Editor The Standard: I have read very carefully the published reports of the board of survey regarding Superintendent Sup-erintendent Mills half-day plans and the Ogden schools In general some seven or eight columns of them and hereby beg for space In which to cx 1 press my feelings When a horse or mule in Uncle Sam's service appears to have outlived out-lived his usefulness or begins to agitate agi-tate for the "half-day system" or some one gets a grudge at him, It is customary to appoint three arm officers as a "board of survev." These gentlemen, being first duly sworn, organize and proceed to sit on the offending horse or mule. They look him over carefully for spavins, ringbones, splints, wens, galls and other blemishes. They look at his teeth and have him stick out his tongue They have him trot pace, lope, walk and single-foot. They take testimony as to his temper, general gen-eral disposition, habits of thought and inclination to stRy out late of nights They spend about throp minutes of Uncle Sam's time on the suspected animal and If he appears to be all right they say to the accuser, "What's the matter with you?" and adjourn to the officers' mess for appropriate consolation. If, on the other hand, the charges appear to be well grounded, they order a fire built of bufralo chips and! proceed to heat up the "I. C." branding brand-ing iron. While this i6 being done they send over to the mess for a pint flask through the bottom of which they again inspect the accused This Is called the "acid test " By this time the brand Is hot and a husky orderly Is detailed to placw gently but firmly on the off-hind leg of the accused the brand "I. C," which, being interpreted means "Inspected "In-spected and Condemned." The empty flask Is thrown Into the fire and the board of survey adjourns, leaving the air filled with dust and the odor of burning buffalo chips and scorched hair and hide. I do not know who called for this "board of Burvey" tor our public schools, but I do know the "I C" brand when I see It The board seems to have applied it Impartially to the school buildings, course of study, teachers, principals, board of education, Janitors, parents of pupils, taxpayers, Innocent bystandere and citizens on foot Even the "ten or fifteen agitators,' designated by the board of survey as "busybodles" received absent treatment and ought to know now what a hot branding iron feels like At a frontier army post, when a board of survey has inspected and condemned a horse or mule, the animal ani-mal is put up for sale and disposed of to the highest bidder. One sees a good many such animals on an In dian reservation. It Is quite possi ble to secure a fine bargain in horse or mule flesh by watching the de cislons of boards of survey. It ia of course not good form to be found in possession of an animal which has, the "U S." brand unless the "I. C. also is visible Now. sometimes a great difficulty Is experienced In getting rid of an "I. C." animal. The subject may be so vicious, so tricky and so general-lv general-lv obnoxious that no bid can be ob-alned. ob-alned. In that case it is permissible to give the critter away. The post commandant or the Indian agent may know of some Indian who is particularly obstreperous or against whom he lias a grudge He calls him in to his office, given him a bad cigar and blandly tells him how much ho thinks of him and winds up by presenting pre-senting him with the "I. C." horse or mule in the fond hope that ho will sooner or later get his head kicked off. If the board of education cares to jrof it by that suggestion no charge will be made. (Signed) O A. KENNEDY. |