Show L The Courtship of Miles H Copyright 1909 J B Hampton a tf OLICE Captain Sheehan tossed to 10 the desk before him the little copy of lJ The Courtship of Miles Standish that with ith the aid of his forefinger and much profanity he had been laboriously r perusing and andr cocking r his feet up beside beside tI it puffed on his Ills cigar thoughtfully Now theres a guy wit lh th tl right idea he hc com coin commented but hes a poor He aint got no 1 tub luh be sure but buthe he aint got no neither J He sets in in his o office wit wil nn t a good segar in his face facen k Now if chasm chasin an n he frames it up youse goes down tuh propose tub luh the dame he says tub luh himself ul ill get set yuh yuh all tangled up an crab th tb whole deal When it il comes tuh tub handin out lh 4 mush Bill a dead one Y uh rc done before yuh begin r fe Now he hC sees that straight strai hl talk hes givin laivin in ll himself He knows knos that when it comes tuh tut 1 talkie ta Ik hes so bum that alongside o 0 him a deer mute mule looks like Boike Cockran Cochran lies Hes like a guy wit paralysis to lo a dance lie e pull off this love loe 1 play Pis by himself an he knows it an so fur hes got gol nil all four wheels on th an is goin fine But there is where he makes his bad break by callin in this Alden guy tuh tub hep him out Now what hat he should V a did was tub luh get some hungry lookin loo kin mutt wit a face fact like a fried aig an send him down But stead o 0 dat he picks out a big fine finc lookin lad An o course de dc goil Boil done what she done Why l woun she She flags this Standish guy gu an nails th other bloke an th lh Standish guy i gets comin tub luh him an what he dissolves disso es fr bein such a dub Now No if it had a ben me mei i He stopped slopped short His jaw acv dropped and his cigar m I fell from rom his lips unnoticed to the floor I Gee Gec he cried huskily And again Gee I IFor For some moments he sat there immersed head OTer in his own thoughts At length after a man mani i might slowly have counted a hundred he abstract abstractedly abstractedly 3 edly y drew another cigar long and black from his and biting off the end fell to toI I chewing it Great he exclaimed at length Immense Ill w c ta do it i I 1 be dam f I dont II 11 1 With a muttered anathema Detective John Dugan laid down do O a hand that had in it four and possibly five kings ings and ami prepared to obey the summons of his superior As he entered the door the captain looked up r nodded curtly and then plunged at al once into the Q matter mailer nearest his heart Dugan he said jeer fever read this and he held X up before the amazed eyes of the the thet t little volume q Dugan took it He looked at it Nope Hope he said sa d dand and handed it back 1 advised the captain S great stuff tuff Them books improves yuh mind a lot Course they don hand yuh yuh can use r do yuh no good but they docs does give ghe a peach of a tone to a guys conversation Dugan unenthusiastically aimed his crossed eyes at two to opposite corners of the ceiling and thought of the four and possibly po sibly five live kings This book continued the captain is bout a aguy auy aguy guy uy what is soft Y Ygo on a dame He don quite like tuh luh go so makin th lh love play by his lonesome so he sends a guy what hat fr him down instead tuh tub hand out them sol so wolds o 0 tenderness N that s bout enough o 0 th lh book fr youse tuh tub know He ceased speaking and gazed at Detective Detect c Dugan I I thoughtfully I Well said aid the latter impatiently stroking a I square heat heavy chin with a hand ha nd that closely closet re resembled resembled a badly cured ham Well veil what of it n Huh The captain twisted in his chair a trifle uneasily lever Jever sec see that goil soil o 0 Wolf Volf Tone Bradys I Dugan DuSan considered I Yuh mean th peach he queried at R Th Tim strawberry blon one wit th dark lamps I The captain nodded 1 th one oDe he said And then after a long interval inte Im kin in o 0 soft on that thai dame and he j twisted his s moustache coquettishly I i Dugan with stumpy stump fingers fin gers caressed a nose that lay conspicuously on the bias and grunted noncom n noncommittally 1 She s 3 all aU to th good he observed unenthusiastically cally lIan an there wit th looks Swell enough tuh tub be bea a r a cloak model at al least Where yuh uh meet her herThe herThe herThe The captain caplain took look a deeper grip Krip rip on his cigar I tint ain t never met her he returned that is not yet Ive l saw her couple o 0 times mes I wan youse tuh tub see sec her See Sec And he tapped significantly with witha a heavy forefinger the edged volume Dugan saw sate Ohl Oh he said understandingly ly So th thame game ame eh ch Yuh wan me tub luh beat it i t down tub luh lh thO dames ames house hou e an frame it fr Er up youse ch sort o oa 0 a F By Porter Emerson Browne t up a entrance sos SOg youse won have tuh do but pile in fn an nail it ft Yuh wan van me tuh tub go down downan an cook a dinner fr youse tub lull cat He lie shook his head Say Sa he said I ain am no matrimonial agency agency Im a detective Yuh wan au tub lull see sec one o 0 them mar marriage marriage marriage broker guys Ring Rin off The captain straightened his back though one would have to lo stand behind him to know it Dugan he said severely I guess tin who 1 am and amI he added who ho youse arc Th Tb trouble wit twit me rite is that Im too blame lenient wit youse guys 1 give g e yuh too many liberties an yuh take tak advantage of em cm an impose on me mime lie He wag waggled waggled waggled a fat forefinger admonishingly Now Non don get g gc t gay 1 wit me he lie said threateningly r Ill 11 bump yuh uh an Ill bump juh yuli good See Sec The captain stiffened savagely None o 0 jolt yuh uh business he returned explosively Go an ln do what I tell yuh r get it an get gel U L good Now ow beat it Detective Dugan opened his mouth Then he hc closed it again Then he turned on his heel and left the room Captain Sheehan picked up the little volume And Andas Ands as s he flipped the shining edges of the leaves with a afat aaI aI afat fat aI blunt blunt I thumb he muttered thoughtfully That guy wont never be no good to th force lie He aint enough I T r guess I better prefer charges an dump him His eye to fall fali on an illustration thereby switching his train of thought to lo another track Them guys s was a lot o 0 dubs he I J i r l I 1 r r 1 I t I y i I Ii ItY i tY tYr r i I i if 1 T j f 6 l i r t ti tit i it a 1 1 r I A r a I IN TN THE PARLOR OF WOLF VOLF TONE BRADYS But Bui my protested Dugan I 1 hauteur The captain gazed at al him with an air of outraged III Dont talk tuh luh me about he cried sternly Your is tuh tub do nhat what I tells yuh uh tub tuh do o an tuh tub do it quick See Sec How d yuh spose I got this job anyhow Dugan ran a lumpy hand through h a tangled red thatch Pull he returned curtly curtI The captain eyed him savagely If din have hac th tit map of any aim y guy guv on th whole force he snorted Id break youse 1 been goin oin tuh tub give ghe yuh juh a bump fr fra a long longtime longtime longtime time now Yuh been yuh Yuh don get half as much out o 0 yuh yuh as you oughter lazy Im Dugan impassive gazed out t upon the panorama of gravel roofs and iron chimneys The captain eyed him hint thoughtfully t tr r th tb Loop the Loop fr his he muttered under his breath But what he said to 10 Dugan was merely Were Vere gettin geUin off th lh beat And then I want youse tub luh go down tuh tub Miss Angelina Bradys this When yuh uh goes in take lake off your lid Say Captain Caplain Capt in Miles Sheehan tenders lenders his compliments tuh tub Miss Angelina Brady an desires tuh tub offer her his heart an han in th holy bonds o 0 matrimony frever UI an frever till death doll then them part Frame it il up tuh tub her nice in them same if yuh can remember remember remember ber em cm N then come round tub luh my m house rouse an tell me what hat she says Detective Dugan caressed thoughtfully a rough and motley mOlley check Why don yuh uh go he demanded Arc Are yuh fraid fraed 0 r c 1 f Y y I opined ruminatively Nosy Nor Ill show this Standish bloke loke how tuh tub play th game right And he glued his gaze upon a picture of oi a svelte John Alden bending ending over ocr a pulchritudinous Priscilla and tried to lo tomake tomake make himself believe that that thai was the way that he hc and Angelina would soon look in thc Wolf Volf Tone one Bradys East Easl Nineteenth Street flat That evening Captain Miles tiles Sheehan sat within his ornate abode in a Mission rocker with his feet feel on a Louis Quinze sofa nervously flip flipping flipping flipping ping the ashes of his cigar upon a Smyrna rug since each cach successive flip missed by a careless s interval the Japanese vase ase at which it was aimed I spose that soreheaded guy suy Ml 11 come back here wit a grouch on he muttered an tell lell me that he do wit Angelina be bc beth betit th tit easiest way out of it But if he docs does Ill bounce him th force so quick hell never know he was wason wason wason on it Hes no good anyhow an never was Wy Vy W Vyne Y he ne wont even cven come up tuh tub help us pass th lh legisla legisa legislation tion tiou tio we needs an on lection days we cant never count on him fr r He Ilc le There was a ring on the bell and almost imme immediately immediately his Im housekeeper entered Theys a guy al at lh Hi door wants huh luh sec See yuh uh sir she announced shortly his name demanded the captain caplain Detective Dugan homely guy it is an he Chase hase him in commanded command cd the captain quickly An get set a wiggle on The housekeeper peevishly vanished and Detec Detective tive Dugan entered Well Vell cried the captain caplain anxiously and fearfully Dugan gazed about the room cursorily and critically critically cally He was apparent in no hurry Vell Well said the captain again hats doin 4 Dugan Ds n puffed on his cigar Its hard tuh tell t II jes yet y t he returned But ii r 1 r t a a 1 think if yuh ruh play your our game right yuh got a ashow ashow show hajer mean mcane mean demanded the captain Jer J er sec see her she site say The other picked up a piece of antique Egyptian pottery that had found being in Jersey City Cit the year previous and examined the bottom of it closely She says What 1 Thit Th t ol of guy gur Well Vell V ell I should say not returned Dugan And then as he gazed at the captains empurpling visage he added hastily what she said first But Bui 1 I kep at her an finally before I come away she want so sore on th lh deal as she was as in th tit Yuh sec see I 1 tells her how much money mone youse has got an I was also very er not tuh tub tell her how yuh gets gels it il An 1 tells her too loo that looks dont make no an so even if youse was a feeble oP of guy wit wil one foot in lh th grave grac an th lh other in jail as long lon as loosen up in a while hile she he be able to lo lostan stan it An Jn so I 1 think that if we wc goes at it right we cn nail her yet I IThe i iThe The captain gripped his cigar with ith clenching jaw the victim of mingled emotions for he quite clear in his own mind whether he should feel out outraged outraged raged by the insults or elated at the encouragement that he had received He I Ic compromised Dont Donl get gay ga r Ill han yuh one he threatened And then mean by b goes at it il right Why Vh returned Dugan imperturbably every guy what wants tuh tub win a dame always put up liberal just like a candate at lection time After th candate gets gels elected an after th guy gU gets gels married they cn both do as they the pleases yuh see sec sect I But be before before before fore they the got tuh tub make a front See Sec SeeThe The captain nodded Here at last was something well ell within his grasp Well N ell continued Dugan y oughter sen her roun some ch some flowers V r something like that thatA A box o candy is considered a good too Howd a case o 0 wine go queried the captain cap lain more amenably amen ably for his softer nature was beginning under this encouragement ement to lo dominate his ardor Nix on th bubbles returned the thc other tersely Flowers an candy is your bait an a spring lid r a jool r two neat but not noisy like a dimon horseshoe r a couple o 0 poil poll rings r some little thing like them Juh think help me make good asked the captain anxiously Think I got a chancel Sure returned Dugan Sure yuh got a chancel But howd she seem tuh take it il Why she sets there as quiet as yuh please an listen tuh tub everything 1 says an then when hen I leaves she he shakes hands wit me an asks me tuh tub come conic round again an makes her ol of man ask me mc too an in an says fr me tuh tub toil tell shell tink fink it over an lc Ie me mc know how she feels nex ne time 1 I come tonne round Well Vell yuh go round night See Sec ordered the captain Dugan shook his head I cant go roun takui he replied Id be shamed tuh tub have her tink I 1 was doin a Cupid fr such a cheap skate as that thaL Honest I would An besides crab th lh whole deal f yuh don loosen up Yuh golter go th dough bag fr love jes like yuh has fr politics Love Loe he added philosophically is is th only graft has The captain dug down into his pocket How much he asked curtly curlly and as one to lo whom the words were most familiar Dugan considered thoughtfully Oh he lie replied at length I guess about fifty II Il 1 get us goin gain The captain silently tendered him t two twenties and a ten tenI I shall yuh tuh night he said An remember if yuh uh don pull this thing off fr me yuh lose yuh yuli job And as Dugan closed the front door behind be lind him he added Which aint sayin that yuh dont anyhow IV IVOn IVOn On the following night the John Alden of the East Last EastSide EastSide Side again appeared to make his report to the cap captain captain tain ta n Well Vell I 1 give her th lh flowers an a an 1 th candy an a poil as big as a doorknob an I think were doin fine he encouraged She was as pleased as asa asa asa a kitten wit a saucer o 0 milk Still we cant afford tuh tub lay la down none cause if we e docs does some other guy may get gel in ahead of us Ve We gotter play pia tub luh th lh limit n we cant be If th hav hay havin havin in goin Pr rr strong The captain nodded a reluctant assent to lo the fIle others cogent and concise logic Jack Jask her if shed made up her mind luh luh luh have me he inquired bashfully Dugan nodded rhad she say sa queried the captain She said they was eighteen r twenty applications in ahead o 0 yours returned tine the envoy plenipotentiary tiar but bul that as you seemed to be such sueh a generous guy she felt sort o 0 like yours up th list Thais your play he counseled sagely sagel your play th generous lay 11 Its th tit only thing you ou got goti i i 1 h I C I 4 in your favor against all them other guys guy Yuh Yuli wan 1 tuh tub it frail its woith V The The courtship of Miles Sheehan was onas a protracted affair aff lir tr The fair Angelina proved perverse and hard to lo woo and be it added much harder har er to lo win The Theother Theother other suitors too were as the envoys successive rc re reports ports unfolded unfold cd most importunate and most liberal and competition waxed ever keener A pearl necklace and a diamond tiara were added to the captains gifts to be succeeded by other othe and most expensive jewelry d while the cost of theatres to which the hi one was always escorted by the prototype of o ancient John and of candy and flu r grew ever ter heavier helier and heavier And Captain Sheehan spent hours over the little volume and wondering why it had not before occurred to lo him to follow up the line of thought as to what would have happened if the Priscilla therein mentioned had not nol been willing in instanter to accept the other Miles or the other John At length one evening on the second day of the seventh week he resolved to lo screw his courage to t the sticking point and |