Show I I L Dorothy Dixs Dix's Dix s 's sLetter Letter Box WHY A LONG ENGAGEMENT KILLS LOVE ADVICE TO A MID MID- AGED OLE WIDOWER WHO CANNOT ENDURE LONEL LONELINESS NESS COULD A GRAMMAR SCHOOL MECHANIC t B BE CE HAPPILY MARRIED TO A DEAR DEAlt D EAR MISS You DIX nix You are opposed to long engagements It If love cant can't stand a long engagement how can It endure after mar mar- marrage mar marriage rage I say that a real true love lon will stand the tho acid test teat of ot sop sep separation one year or six years yeara are re nothing toT to G G It it G L V Answer You are right in this G L V r- r that the grand passion Is ageless e j I know an old woman past SO 90 O whoso whose husband has K been dead for moro more than litty I J B years y ears and d yet et she Bhe Is as aa romantically In love w with him now as aa she was when he led Jed heras her bel as a n bride to the altar Nor have the year years I dulled her grief for tor his lost lose Sho She mourns him just as disconsolately now as she did I when she burled buried In his grave all that made 1 life worth v living for or her bel 5 S But Gut my dear sir when I sa say that I think long engagements are arc DOROTHY DIX disastrous for both the man and the woman who commit themselves to that particular form of in futures I am speaking or of love that most of us are capable of experiencing The great majority of us have no no o more the ability to love greatly than we have the ability to ting sing sing in grand opera or make a million dollars We W are arc In sentiment so to and we need to have our love fed on daily association and mutual interests and common he habits its of or thinking and living Therefore when there Is a long separation two people It Is almost Inevitable that they should grow apart and lose Interest in each other and that when they come together they are arc t pointed disappointed and disillusioned For in their separation each has unconsciously unconsciously developed an Ideal that they call Mary or John but which Is In reality a little manufactured tin god totally un unlike unlike ike tho ho one It Is Ia supposed to rep represent And on the other hand if a man and a woman are en en- en engaged engaged for sever several 1 years ind nd see each other continually they ate arc sure to wear off the bloom of or romance simply because romance Is an airy fairy thing made of or cobwebs that will not nat endure being hacked about Even angels food grows stal stale if ir you keep It too I long ng Also an engaged couple stand to each other olber In an anomalous position which Is very sure to get on the nerves of ot both They are neither bond nor free Cree They cannot even define to themselves what are their duties and obligations to each other and so they are In a situation that Is peculiarly full ot of o jealousies and add misunderstandings and And furthermore we Just naturally get et tired of wait wait wait- In ing for a thing too long So love and romance peter out out and and when the long engaged couple finally do get gt married it Is la I Ionly only only too often just because they have become became bec me a habit to each other and because everybody expects it of or them rather tather than because they desire it themselves 4 i You ask how love can stand marriage It If It cannot stand a long engagement Easily enough Because the husband and wife wiCe go lIto marriage CarrIage with their full capital of ot love through long weary oars years rears of ot waiting The very fact of the finality of ot marriage Is an Im ira Important factor They have made their choice and they exclude other men and women from their scheme schema of things so that there is la less cause for jealousy than In an eng engagement gement when either cither party parly Is free freeto to make new ties Marriage settles things Its It's the end so EO the tho a couple tries to make snake the best beat otiL oLl Again th the interests cf of married couples are id identical and this is a powerful bond of union No husband and wife can work together shoulder to shoulder without coming to reel feel feela feela a nearness that they have for no other human being Even animals learn learn to love their yoke mates And finally there are the children that keep love alive by f feeding the flame fame on the altar with their little hands Contrary to most theories matrimony promotes love Just Justas justas Justas as surely as a long engagement kills It DOROTHY DIX Dir DEAR B EAR MISS nix DIX I I am a widower just past middle l Idle IddIe life liCe Have Ha a agad IIa home but I am completely alone and have come to the point A t that at I J really cannot endure endure living t b l myself any longer My brother who Is Js married advises met mei to sell my any house bouse an and come an and live with him What shall I do A LONELY MAN SIAN JAN Answer I I should think the best thing for you to ao would be to hunt around and find a nice wife Rut hut marry matry In your own age s class clasa Dont Don't marry matry a flapper young enough to be your daughter Marry some middle aged woman who is na good and who has not too many fads and ways People of middle ag age do not fall romantically in love but It is possible for t them em to feel a very warm friendship for forone forone one of or the opposite sex and on that basis to make m ke very sat sat sat- satIsfactory satisfactory marriages But Dut In selecting friend wife be sure to let your choice fall on a woman who interests you and whose society you feel eel that you will ill enjoy Dont Don't look at her face nor her figure so much as you do the floe ne of o conversation she carries cardes and whether hether she Is a good housekeeper housekeeper house- house housekeeper keeper To a middle aged nian man and one ono who Is looking forward toa toa to a long road stretching downhill It Jt means everything to have haye his own home homo his own belongings and to b be able ablo to be master In fn his bis own I house I do not believe that you will be happy living I in your brothers brother's house because when we go to live with our relatives we suffer under a double dIsability Wo We are neither a mem mem- member mem- mem member member ber of the family nor ore are we boarders I We Wc are arc expected to pay our wa way as It H we were strangers and yet et have bae none of ot the he attentions that would be paid strangers Also our laws laws In-laws feel tree free to quarrel with us and criticise us and boss us and the minute lute we resent that there la Js trouble If Ir you do not with wish to marry matry my earnest advice advice to you Is 1 to go to some hotel to live There you will be free to do doas doas as you please and yet have companIonship C DOROTHY DIX DIXo S I S 0 5 DEAR D ryAR EAR DOROTHY I fIX DIX I have fallen madly In love lore with a girl who ho hois o ois y s-y is a college graduate while I am am am only a grammar school graduate I ate and a mechanic She Sho has refused to marry because she claims that the gap In fn education Is ls too big to bridge bridge However she COn con- continues to see me two nights a week I make a fine salary and could take sake good care ot of her bel Please help me JACK S I 16 Answer Z If It the only bar bat between you and the girl Is li lack Jack of why dont don't break that down by studying and reading There are night schools school and the libraries are arc full rull of books There Is no na reason for any man to tG be Ignorant in these days unless he Is too lazy to improve himself Some of or the most brilliant men I I know are educated telf-educated DOROTHY DOROTHI DIX Copyright by Public Ledger |