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Show AMI JOHN HAH Til. I Prom the 1-omlmi Tit lilt "John " she mid, ns she toyed with one of his roat buttons, "this Is lesp year. Is it not!" "Yes. Mamie," he answered, as he lookcd.fomll) down on her gulden besd thst was pillowed on his maijly bosom "This la the yewr that thn proposing Is done by the young ladles?" "Yes " "I hope ou don't expect me to propose pro-pose to you f " "Why. Mamie, dear. I never gave the matter n thought I er to to tell the truth. I vu only known you for that Is to say" "I'm glad you did not eipiyt me In propose I'm not ihnt kfnd.' t"hope. No, John, dearest I eouldit't lie so Immodest Im-modest I'm going to let you do thn proposing yourself, In tlit- old-fashioned way. Tho old fashioned way Is good enough for, me ". And the gentle maiden gave her lover n beaming smile and the young man rejoiced that he hsd found such a treasure of modesty Till: AMI IIICVN Yt VV. From tho Indianapolis' Sun After tho due! had been fought the principals repaired to a cafe and ordered lunch Not exactly gourmands, but hearty eaters wero they, which caused an American Am-erican who had gone to tho exposition nnd bad not yet earned sufficient capital capi-tal for the return voyage, to remark that It takes moro to satisfy n Frenchman's French-man's appetite than It does his honor. Np sooner had the words left hla lips than Count do Ilootteane struck him In the fact, with his open palm. Hut lot Instead of challenging tho count and wiping out the Insult In mortal combat, com-bat, the American simply smashed lilm between tho eyes, caught Mm with a right hand hook aa he was going down and then stepped on his face With his bulldog shoes, all the time asking the count It his honor was satisfied. Tho count finally admitted thst it wss Moral- That's why wo have no dueling duel-ing In the land of the freo. TciNat'i: Tvvmruic Susan shines shoes and socks; socks and shoes shine Busvn. She ceascth shining shoes nnd socks, for shoes and socks shock Susan. Ilobcrt llowley rolled n round roll round; a round roll Ilobcrt llowley rolled round, whero rolled the round roll lloborl llowley rolled round. Oliver Oglethorp ogled an owl and oyster. It Oliver Oglethorp ogled an owl and oyster, where aro the owl and oyster Oliver Oglethorp ogled? Bstnmy flhomlth"w n shrieking youngster. If Sammy Shoesmlth saw n shrieking youngster, whcrcVs tho shrieking youngster Sammy Shoesmlth sawT I went Into the garden to gather somo blades, and there I saw two pretty pret-ty babes. "Ah, babes. Is that you babes, braiding blades, babes? If jou braid any blades, babes, braid broad blades, babes, or braid no blades, babes." Iloston Herald. vwir hi: was hkt -until Prom the l-ondon Hparu Moments "Why In tho world did you keep that errand bay so long. Janet" ro-ccntly'askcd ro-ccntly'askcd a lady of her servant, who has Just taken lu a siphon of soda water, "Please, ma'am, ho walled for ths bottle!" glibly answered the damsel. "Walled for the bottle?" queried her mistress. "Pleaao, ma'am, he wanted to know It he could have a returned empty, so drawed off all the soda water Into a Jug and let him 'ave Itl I drawed It all off, ma'aml" was tbo reassuring re. pir. ol w.iii sniiii rotvrii," "I aay, Bcrlbbler," said Happy, "how on earth do you think up nil these cbawactcrs you write, about?" "Ob, 1 take them from real life," replied re-plied Scribbler, "but they nevor suspect. sus-pect. Take, for Instance, the character of 'Woodby Urlttcn,' who Is always saying 'dooced' this and 'dooced' that Now that's a fellow I know very well, but he doesn't know I'm using him " "Oh, como now, I ssy. How dooced derail of you; dooced stupid of him, though," Catholic Standard. ItUVUMdC Tho youthful waiter has Just been Ignomlnlously discharged, "landlord I" says ho, "I'm a guest now bring me a glass of beer!" We-gsnde We-gsnde Dlaettcr. ins giidii sTonr. This young mail has a good place with a Wall street firm, and Is anxious to "get along." He also likes to shine aa a raconteur, but lip has a very bail memory as to details. However, the germ of the story sticks In his mind, and he Is able to make a good bluff at telling It Iteccntly he beard a funny "Wall street story" Nothing but the story end of It stuck to him A week or so later tho Junior partner. In high good humor because of a cer- bVHHbI Isln successful manipulation, In which! NHR the )oung man had. been concerned In S5f small degree magnanimously Invited Jaffa him to luncheon The young man , JEW strove to be agreeable," and' told at in number 6f stones over the coffee.whlcli Mfi seemed to amuse his employer Thort Es, b told In elaboration bis lalesl "Wall Jja street yarn There waa no response. mw "I thought that was very funny did wi? the bloke up rich" said thn youna; BiH man perhaps you'vo heard It bo- jM fore " Iffl! ' No," said the Junior partner stpw- A ly, "I don't think t ever heard It be- BB fore, but I know something about It HB I was thn bloke." ! ! The young man la now cultivating) IB ,!,!) study of mnemonics. New York BBJ Uvenlng Sun " "1 BBJ Kill tllMI tii vv.mtv BBJ A $?ll ' ' l l "Well, how do my poems suit you?" BJ "Your poems, air, will bo read wbon BJ Oocthe, Heine and Shakespc&ro bars Bl long been forgotten!" "I)o you think) so? I'm glad to hear BJ you aay sol" BJ "Yes, but not till thenl" IWItero BJ Welt BJ rim most TtiiniTS. BJ A It wss a case of love at first sight BJ II I thought ha couldn't have got a BJ real good look at her, BJ Ho I want to know, once for all, BJ who Is tho master of this houso? Bho BJ You'll bo hspplcr It you don't And BJ out. H Charlie Your wife docsnt seem to Improve In health. Hob No; as fast as aho galna atrength sbo usos It up telling people what U ttio matter with her. K Cllcnt-Wcll, did l.nsk. a good wit- '. ness? Lawyer Ycsi between you and , that stupid fury you took some pounds out of my pocket Client Why, I won "I the rase, didn't t? Lawyer That's '.' Just the point I wanted a chsneo to 1 appeal, a Little 4-year-old, Harry had been whipped by his father far telling a falsehood and ho ran to his mother for ' consolation. "When I waa your age I never told n falsehood," said his I mother. "When did you begin, msm- I l mru asked Harry. ; Till. KIWI, or WIT. ' -it The following Is an announcement In '''I the advertisement columns of the , j latest number to hand ot tho Now Jl York Hernldi . , S "As useful Companion, Dally or Tor- , " man. Wanted, sit by thorough oorapj ' j sup. yng pors.j cd Kr. Derm. Engj t ASK scholar; lypowr. gd. seamstress, and -' j pack." fcj-i Evidently our contemp. charges Its R&l advtsrs, accord, to oral spscs occupd. hSS In attng. up tbr. nnnncemts. The ef- Ifz9 feci la deddly. plsng, and mt with um advntgo be Intrded Into other dcptsv fejM of the paper. London News. FwH AN KXTINCT SI'EClr, 4dl A lecturer In Hastings Inquired H-H dramatically, "Can any one In thU KhH room tell mo ot a perfect man!" i$EM There was a dead silence, ?jga3 "Has nny one," ha continued, "hearit iaN of a perfect womnn?" l Then a patient-looking little woman fiffjjjS rose up nt tbo back of the room anil t gfil answered: ! 4 iXaj 'There was one. I've often heard off PPP her, but she's dead now. She was my 1Q, husband's first wife." Answers. i'lini H utti.i: tAi'aiis. Lsl HfpoerUr fipoioit ' ltBH "I would willingly give you ths mwty monoy If I only knew that you'd spend raSSl It wisely." ' t'aSs "Don't worry on that score, uncle. J'"t''mi The only beer I ever drink comes fron " ,Krtlj tho brewery where you hold the hulk) f itB of the stock. Hellers Welt 1 ttHf Ami I'ot Mora llrl.Hr. WyjEl "How did you llko my sermon this1 f ,3 morning?" asked the Iter. Dr. Fourth-. iSsf ley. rdiBS "Well," replied the candid commun- Ff"3ffif1 leant, "there waa one part of It that I lW1 thought you might have brought more TWpai to the front" 4?? "What was that?" fiSi& "Tho preroratlon," Philadelphia iTSiS Press, 4 '.xJQ A cjiiakrTllU jMh, ) 3 Mann Hatton What! You're not go , Jg5 Ing to move? ' Brooke Lynn Yes. we're obliged toj wK! Mann Hatton Why, your wife tolif, 1 mine you had the cutest llttls flan f0 Imaginable. F?K Hrooko Lynn I know, but some 'KRS friends gave us a rubber plant at nSSa Chrlatroas, nnd It's grown so fut w"vst gfflp got lo movo to glvo It mors room.-J i " Philadelphia Preas WssssImI |