Show KA KATHLEEN NORRIS Self Can Destroy Lives I 2 NCE when I was first married O ONCE I went with my husband to dine with some friends of ot his a married couple unknown to me until until un un- til then He had told me that the wife was wasa a brillant woman but unlucky She had many gifts but she didn't seem able to succeed with any venture even in the great city where everyone everyone everyone every every- one we knew was either painting or singing acting dancing or writing writ writ- ing writing ing-writing writing anything essays starles stories stories stor star ies les poems advertisements see see- Not everyone was successful successful success success- ful rul then but everyone confidently expected to be soo sooner r or later and almost everyone was But not Olive I knew her for 25 years after that first bridal dinner dinner din din- ner ncr and she never did anything except except ex ex- talk about her bad luck She played the piano delightfully she was one of the wittiest women I ever knew but somehow she got small pleasure out of either gift and even socially she was always left behind Thought Only of Self Sell Her trouble was that she could think of nothing but herself and of what everyone else was thinking of her That everyone else might possibly have something better to thi of never crossed her mind Olive was self Like all self centered women she was abnormally abnormally abnormally ab ab- ab- ab normally sensitive and managed to make anything and everything that was said in her hearing immediately immediately immediately im im- im- im mediately applicable to herself herselt So at the first dinner when we were both young women poor ambitious ambitious ambitious am am- adventurous determined that New York should give us the played flayed the piano iano delightfully opportunity it had given so many others Olive was obsessed with trifles She apologized for the dinner dinner din din- ner ncr napkins she fluttered about the shortage of ot forks she interrupted interrupted interrupted inter inter- the conversation just as it got under way with nervous asides to her husband and to the bewildered bewildered dered amateur waitress who had been hired for the occasion If n a guest hesitated one second in attacking attacking attacking at at- tacking his food Olives Olive's eager apologies were there You dont don't like mint sauce Oh dear dear The lamb Iamb is cold Arthur sorry Arthur sorry to interrupt you dear but this meat is stone cold I did want things to be nice Everything Everything Everything Every Every- thing in Mothers Mother's house was so perfect You'll think me quite uncivilized un tin- civilized I know there should be candles for dinner but this room is so deplorably dark Dreadful apartment but all we could get Apologies Spoiled It And so on and on All through the years Olive flustered herself harsel and everyone near her with her fluttered pretentiousness If It one met her downtown all the pleasure of an unexpected encounter was spoiled by apologies This dreadful old hat But what can poor folk like us do My dear I know its it's my turn for a party but poor Arthur missed his commission you know I took my poor little play to Brady Brady he he was very kind but he looked at my hands I told him dishwashing and didn't didn go very well together and and and- poor me I began to cry Well Vell of course that made him impatient Impatient- Olive not only never did anything anything any any- thing worth while but she somehow somehow some some- how b held Arthur back too He was a clever writer had bad a near near- success or two But then Olive would want to invite all sorts of notables to a celebration dinner and the dinner would be a dreary pretentious failure and the Scotts would be right back where they started Meanwhile simpler folk much less gifted men and women indeed were finding their feet professionally profession profession- ally quite unashamed of shabby rooms and hospitality that involved the services of all the guests and sometimes their contributions of butter or salad oil or red apples from the stand at the corner Automatically Automatically Auto Auto- they were migrating to the picturesque old barns and farmhouses farmhouses farmhouses farm farm- houses of ot Long Island and New England automatically they were drawing thawing to themselves the fame modest or great the great the financial comfort the friends for which poor Olive hungered all through her days Only a year or two ago I saw Arthur again and all the time he chattered the joyous nonsense that had been bottled up in him 40 years ago His first book was a success success- he was 64 when it was published published- and he is busy with another and everything about his life clothes food friendships hospitality talk has taken on the wonderful quality we call ease Poor Olive had robbed him of ot all that and robbed herself too because of that sense of personal importance or pride or false yaP val ues Young wives are happier when they realize that the first thought ought to be for the other persons person's comfort Nobody minds mistakes shortages haphazard domestic arrangement arrangement arrangement ar ar- ar- ar when all the world is young and everyone Is financially in about the same boat But everyone every one hates fussiness apologies and the uncomfortable hostess whose one thought is how to impress rather rath rath- er than please her guests and who reduces all of lifes life's problems to the first person singular making of herself herselt a trouble |