Show what eco bb thinks about presidential straw votes GROVE CALIF B BOHEMIAN every baby as I 1 ve always heard is born with a soft spot in its head and once in a while there s one who never gets over it but grows up and in presidential years goes around taking straw votes on railroad trains in order definitely to find 0 out ut which ticket will be elected he is a kindred spirit to the other fellow who to settle the whole is sue right now and avoid crowding at the polls in novem her ber offers to bet you a cool thousand that his man beats your man and then before leaving tries to borrow five dol lars tars from somebody so he can get gett his hiss laundry out of hock having met both types within the ten irvin yn s cobb i days before coming here and being fearful that both species is going to multiply rapid ly during the ensuing three months I 1 rn thinking seriously of taking the veil until after the campaign ends politics certainly does breed its ticks the little red school house VES YES in my early days we also JL had the little red schoolhouse maybe the reason we liked it then was that it got its red tone from the paint on the outside and not from the teaching staff on the in side likewise in those unprogressive times we thought the youth bf the land should be taught to cherish the american flag for something besides private hissing purposes HO hopelessly pe lessly old fashioned eh the dictator business IT TT LOOKS as though when the i battle dust lifts from that dis country spam will have a dictator dictators being fashions fas hiona ble it seems to be comparatively easy to make a success of it too just follow a formula make it a blasphemous violation of the first commandment for anyone to assign you second place be sure all sentences personally uttered begin with the capital letter I 1 and end with the pronoun me convince yourself that in order ever to behold any human being who is your equal in moral and mental stature you must carry about with you a full length mir never permit yourself to be pho to graphed in your nightshirt but always in full uniform on arising lock the jaws and clench the fists and leave em that way all day and this is very important have a dependable police force and somebody to pick on preferably somebody without any friends political claim alls SHRINKING JEEMS PARLEY FARLEY u announces the democrats will carry every division of the union although privately he is said to be a little bit doubtful of two very backward counties in vermont while generously conceding the central part of mississippi and the western end of kentucky to t e enemy diffident john hamilton is su rethe republicans will sweep everything else congressman lemke mos mod est of the claimers is certain he 11 H win in 40 states really he doesn doean t need that many but 40 s a nice even number if the shy dr town send also should run he counts on 20 votes in this country be sides clean cut majorities in swe den new south wales and the Is land of yap oxen versus onions ITH no aim to set up as a specialist in human behavior I 1 think I 1 ve stumbled on a signie cant timely discovery I 1 found in a scientific work this statement each living growth has to begin in a single microscopic cell more over every future thing of either animal or vegetable kingdom con bains in that first cell a fixed num ber of even more infinitesimal bod ies les called chromosomes in the ox the guinea pig the man and the onion the number is the same in variably I 1 contend this natural kinship in classification may explain why in campaign years some of as are bellowing oxen some are docile guinea pigs and most of the rest of us are just plain onions IRVIN S COBB service |