Show allie LLIE ELLIE EVELL L L says says bays FIVE ago IVE years of watching tile the world go by me cs as I 1 stop by the roadside to let the tha medico mechanics tink er with my trick spine have taught me many things that I 1 should never havo have believed before no lonier longer able to put things over I 1 have been con can strained to think theta them over and as thinking Is about the only thing tile tha doctors forbidden me I 1 have flono done a lot of it i the result of these thinking t toura our a I 1 lias has been the knowledge knowl edke that I 1 am much better oft on fur far happier than I 1 was before I 1 was forcibly enrolled for membership in tilts tills university of hard knocks where I 1 have lia ve been taking a postgraduate post graduate course in it I 1 have learned many lessons I 1 could never have grasped during health and prosperity I 1 have learned that friendship lg Is like the show business where ono one genuine success mah makes for half a dozen failures I 1 have learned that the natural tendency of human nature la Is toward kindness and helpfulness I 1 tavo have learned that the world la Is not halt half as selfish as the cynics would havo have us believe I 1 have learned that the worlds greatest gift Is love and that love Is only the poets word for friendship my tuition in this school has been paid in blood tears and scars tho the courses have been long tedious nna and but tile tho results are soul boul satisfying tor for f I 1 made every grade learned my lessons well did I 1 not flunk I 1 a single examination wid anil would exchange my degree for one from any other college on earth if this physical ment and financial suffering was the pitco I 1 had bad to pay for the restoration af f my confidence in humanity and my freshened attitude toward life then I 1 am not lot only ahead of the game ii but u i hii 1 have been guilty of profiteering william grossman Gros sinan the attorney came to see me recently r chuckling over a joke lie he had just biard on a noted jurist the judge he said pointed out to tits ills court that a witness was not necessarily to be regarded as untruthful because he altered a previous statement As ag nil an instance lie declared when A entered this co courtroom today I 1 ro 5 would have said under oath I 1 had my watch with me but later I 1 recalled I 1 hadlett had left it at home on my dresser when the judge returned home that evening ills his wife asked why were wera you so worried about your watch sending five men for it great grief 1 said the judge what did you do 1 I gave it to the first man who came hs knew just where it was harry grant auditor of the or prieum circuit of theaters Is as good at telling stories as lie he lg Is at handling figures and he la Is known as one of the best financial men in the 06 theatrical industry so whenever he cornea comes to visit me J I 1 get out my pencil and pad and sigh with relief for I 1 know my column Is going to be easier to fill that week on his last call he ha had one to tell of the young man who had bad succeeded ills his deceased tattler father as aa president of a small railroad IR in the southwest the old man had been heartily disliked for lie he had worked ills his employees and tits his road to the last gasp and the new president on tits his first liv li vi lection trip found the equipment in bad shape toward evening hla his special stopped at a division point and he got out As he walked alongside his private car he be met a grizzled old car tink who was busy tapping the car wheels with tits his little ha hammer nimer what do you jou think of the carr car the president inquired good enough for the rails mils it rides on was the ambiguous reply well jwell how about the araua rotten listen here said tile the young roan to do you know who I 1 ant am sure youre the president and I 1 knew your father when he was president and lies hes going to be pros president again what do you mean dont you know my fathers dead yep uio the old timer nodded 1 I know lies hes dead and the rond s going to hell too irving southard who has replaced the late and much beloved billy stuart tu ns as chief of tile consolation bureau of the national NAtIon til vaudeville artists club has neglected ills education I 1 in so far as the meaning enning Ri of idlet diet Is concerned one week lie he arrived with a hot 9 of candy cagily made by sirs southard in n I 1 explained that I 1 was not aled filled to indulge in sweets he waved my scruples out of existence with a single lordly gesture Won nonsense sense ho be told me good pure home ninde candy ind there a thing in it that will hurt you its bust maple sugar butter and good rich cream arthur caesar play reader in william willam harris office Is wondering why will shakespeare wrote so few plays not long ngo ago a man with long gray whiskers and ft a wildly wandering eye burst into tits his sanctum and demanded how flow many plays did shakespeare peare write thirty nine or forty replied mr caesar hazarding it a very berj rough guess well declared the visitor im ir just nine dine times greater as a drama list thon than shakespeare ive w written ritten 2051 plays copyright by lh the macnaught Naught MB Ma Muhl syndicate tda tny |