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Show rtil.Phillipr THE TWITCnELL CH1LD-DISAKMAMENT CH1LD-DISAKMAMENT PLAN Elmer Twitchell came out today with a proposal for a Disarmament Disarma-ment Conference to precede the end of the war. "I want it at once in the interest of national safety," he declared. It was quite startling until Mr. Twitchell explained that it would apply to children only. "I am for the disarmament of kiddies kid-dies under the age of eight," he said. "The infants are swarming all over the premises heeled to the teeth, blood in their eyes and disposed dis-posed to give and take no quarter. "Little Willie, aged seven, sleeps with a tommy-gun, comes to breakfast break-fast with a mortar and spends all his spare time doing commando work. Jackie, aged five, attends him as a sort of armed bodyguard. Jerry, aged three, toddles around the house dragging a cannon, a couple of tanks and an airplane carrier. Wallie, aged one and a half, has a big force of toy soldiers, a dozen airplanes and a hangar in his crib. I "There ain't a toy in the home that doesn't represent carnage. Hardly an hour passes that mother doesn't find the kids in the course of remodeling a chair or vacuum cleaner into a landing barge for amphibious am-phibious operations. "The infants seem to be concentrating concen-trating their attack on the skies, but amphibious stuff comes next. They do all kinds of ground and under-seas under-seas fighting, too; heavy rocks through the windows now and then for purposes of realism. "What are the nicknames of little children today, 'Red,' 'Skinny' and Huck'? Not at all. They are called 'Butch,' 'The Gaffer,' 'Two Gun' or Kayo.' "Every visitor is a Jap or a NazL The minister called yesterday and the kids decided he was an enemy airplane carrier and stalked him during dur-ing his entire visit. The maid has to be on the alert every minute or she will be set upon as hostile territory. terri-tory. "The little dears insist they are only playing, but you can tell from the hard glint in their eyes that they would love to have mother say: 'Now if you are good and eat your spinach you can have a real rifle and go out and shoot up Mr. Burns next door this afternoon,' or 'I want you to be quiet for an hour and then I'll let you set fire to the Woolson house and throw Mr. and Mrs. Woolson into a stockade." I heard a kid ask, 'Mom-mer, 'Mom-mer, can I have a roll of barbed wire?' yesterday." RUSSIAN WAR SONG We're smashing through the Nazi lines. Our forward drive is unabated; It isn't much, but pretty good For people once annihilated! We've got the Heinies on the run ' They now know better how we're gaited; We'd even hit 'em harder if We hadn't been annihilated. We knock 'em down and drag 'em out To prove 'em very overrated; We'd even land a kayo but We all are so annihilated. We sock 'em here, we sock "em there They flee with signs that read "No Waiting" It's wonderful how helpful is A little stiff annihilating. We've got 'em groggy on their feet Each day we land another blow A souvenir from just a state That "will not rise again" you know. We send 'em reeling in reverse A craven folk knocked on our ears! Who never will be any good For (so he said) 1,000 years! We chase the Nazis toward the Rhine We force their legions to a rout; Not bad considering how we Were two long years ago knocked out. The U. S. Controller General sayj that all sorts of absurd overcharges were okayed by the war department in dealing with contractors. In one case a bill for valet service for a factory employee was approved. This may have been due to a toe literal interpretation of the statement state-ment that war is a pressing business. Miner's Lonch Toot! Toot! The whistle's blowing, So on the double quick To snatch a little luncheon And zip back to your pick! A nibble at a sandwich . . . Toot! Thar she blows agin; So once more on the double i No time to wipe your chin. j A bite for Johnny Lewis A nibble for F.D. A swallow for the union A burp for victory! i ... |