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Show fhl.PhiIlipr OOPS! Believe it or not, on ths radio the other night a commentator had spent most of his time discussing the rubber crisis, and had ended with the words "Rubber is one of our greatest great-est needs," when the announcer went into his eulogy of a cigar. - GETTING A NEW TIRE Q. What can I do for you? A. I want three new tires. Q. (sharply) You want what? A. Two new tires. Q. (severely) How many? A. (meekly) One ! Q. What's your full name? A. Luke Z. Woggle. Q. How old? A. About two years. Q. You're older than that! A. Oh, I thought you meant the age of my old tires. Q. What kind of car is it? A. Pretty good except for the rubber. Q. I mean what make? A. It's a flivver. Q. Are you a doctor, nurse, military mili-tary officer or veterinarian? A. No, but in this emergency anything any-thing can happen to me. Q. Do you use your car exclusively exclusive-ly for delivering ice, coal, wood or oil? A. No, it only LOOKS that wayl Q. Is it used to transport farm products? A. No; those apples have been on the floor for three months. Q. Do you use it in garbage collection? A. No; the kids mess it up that way. Q. How many people in your family? -A. Six. Q. What is your wife's maiden name? A. Jennie. Q. Where are you employed? A. Say, am I here to get a new tire or some new life insurance! i . . Q.We've got to be careful to conserve con-serve rubber. It's important to be sure you are the sort of person who would get the most out of a tire. Got to know your background. A. I'm a special case. My wife's relatives live with me and they all demand transportation in my car. Q. It's not a bus! A. That's what you think! Q. From all the facts, I do not think we can classify you for a certificate cer-tificate above the rate of D-12. A. What's the top class? Q. A-3. A. Never mind a new tire. I'll settle for a tire patch and a used inner tube! Buy Defense Bonds IT SEEMS SO I've very often heard it said That doughty generals die in bed; That, far from the repugnant strife, They, fluffed in feathers, part with life. But, looking over Hitler's list. And at the ones the Russians miss'd I've come to the conclusion sad That Nazi generals die "in bad." The Indoor Hat-Wearers' League We are glad to hear that Bill Knudsen works with his hat on. "It helps me think," he says. We are a charter member of the League of Indoor Hat Wearers, and have stood for much criticism through the years. We wore our bonnet as a boy editor of the New Haven Register. We wore it constantly on the copy desk of the old Globe. We have never taken it off at work since. To remove it for a minute means a complete com-plete stoppage of thought and confidence. con-fidence. It is good to know that a man like Mr. Knudsen belongs to our club. Mickey Rooney is now a married mar-ried man and it makes millions of Americans suddenly feel old. It Is difficult to imagine that Mickey, the Number One Kid of the Movie World, now has to bring home groceries, help hang pictures and do his part in selecting new wall paper. We hear that Mickey may now play the judge in the Judge Hardy series, with Louis Stone playing the kid part. Ima Dodo got one of those sugar ration stamps the other day. But she says she put it in her coffee and : it wouldn't even dissolve. Buy Defense Bonds I ADD WON" DERM EN. No. 8756 I An able man ' Is Jeptha Beans: He knows just what The budget means! The Office Pessimist says the thing to begin worrying over now ' is the Emergency following the Emergency. t "Roosevelt wants to create the i impression that the United States was attacked by Japan, which is not i true." Berlin newspaper item. Just imagination, eh? ... j This country will spend a billion bil-lion dollars a week for war. It is just pin money, the idea being ! to pin the Axis to the mat. 1 |
