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Show Uncertain, Coy and Hard to Please By JAMES J. MONTAGUE 'TTY0 J77: ' 1 They ain't no reg'lar bath tubs, but me an' John every Sunday strips off, shipboard an pours buckets of water over each other. "Yep," said the old boat builder, "brother John an' rue is out of the tourist business. We figgered, there bein' not much doin' in our own line that we might put up log cabins on the old place for folks to stay in overnight, or mebbe a week at a time. Most everybody that's got a piece of ground between here an Machias does it, an' makes money, so they tell me, but I guess the women folks does the most of the tenrtin' to it. I thought once that puttin' a boat together to-gether so she would ride the water like a duck was quite a leetle trick, but It ain't nawthin' to fixin' up a camp so it will please a woman. "Bein' mechanics from boys up, buildin' the cabins wasn't no trouble. We just drew along the rud a piece an' see what the shacks that the farmers had built was like ; then we come home, got the lumber from town, an' built us five of 'em. There they be now. Take a look at 'em an' tell me If you ever seen anything that could beat 'em for the right draft an' beam. They's everything into 'em. Hot air Btoves for chilly weather, pictures of the world's biggest battles that we got out of a history book our grand dad left us when he died an' an' all the tin ware an' chiny anybody needs to get a meal together with. "Just to give the place a home like touch, we took a trip around some of the farms an' got some things to pretty 'em up, like tidies for the chairs an' artificial flowers an' wall mottoes. When we had everything ready an' invitin' we put up a sign: 'Camps, night, day an' weeks if you want 'em' out by the big rud and sure enough right away folks begun to come in. "But they was a kind of folks that was different from any me an' John had ever see. The first was a woman about sixty with a husband a little older. Before she would even look at one of the camps she began to ask questions of me. " 'Are these places clean?' says she. rrhey don't look It.' " ' 'They're bran new, ma'am,' I says. TS'ever been lived in.' " "'Are the furnishings adequate?'" " 'They're the adequatest furnishings furnish-ings money can buy,' I says wonderin' what she was talkin' about." "'Very well, I'll look at them.'" "I was goin' along, but she waved me away. Til let you know our decision,' de-cision,' she says, an' takin' the bunch of keys I give her off she went, her husband trnilin' along behind her." "I was just thinkin' how pleased an' surprised she'd be, when back she come, hot foot." " 'There's no bawth In that first cabin,' she says. 'Have any of them bawths?' " " 'Well, no, not exactly.' " " 'Just what do you mean, by not exactly?' " " 'I mean they ain't no reg'lar bath tubs, but me an' John every Sunday strips oil, ship-board fashion an' pour3 buckets of water over each other. They ain't nothin' like it for givin' you a appetite for breakfast.' " "1 don't know yet what made the old dame so mad, but she just reddened red-dened up like she'd been Insulted, says, 'Come on Henry' to the man, an' oft they go to their car. "I felt pretty low about the business busi-ness for a while, an' then pretty soon another couple shows up. " 'We want a cottage by the shore,' says the woman, who was young an' kind of movin' pictur' lookin'. " 'Not too near the shore,' says the man. " 'As close as it can be. What's the use of coming to a place like this if we can't see the river?' " 'You won't be able to see the river for the fog in the morning, If you don't take that shack up on the hill.' " 'Very well. You can go there and I will take the cunning little one by the beach.' " 'Just as you say. But don't expect ex-pect me to rescue you if a bear comes snooping around.' "Then what does the girl do but bust out crvin' an' snvs rhe feller is a wuss brute than any bear, an' as soon as she can get to a railroad station sta-tion she is goin' home to her mother. So she hops into the car, an' he climbs after her an' that's all of that. "It was beginnin' to look as if the business wasn't goin' to go so well when along comes two old ladies chuggin' down the road an' one yells to us If we have a camp empty. "When she finds we has five of 'em she an' her friend starts to look 'em over, an' by an' by we hear high words about the furnishin's. "It seems one of 'em was sore because be-cause they wasn't no hooked rugs on the door, an' the other wanted a fire place. They thrashed that out, by an' by decidin' to go back to the first cabin they'd looked at, an' there they got Into a dispute about whether the cook stove would draw or not. After ten minutes they decided to find out by llghtin' a fire Into It. It drawed all right, but the old one claimed It only drawed because the wind was blowin' down river, an' would smoke like a volcano when the wind shifted. "Then pretty soon, when they had moved to another cabin we could hear 'em arguin' over why they ever come here at all, an' one of 'em said the other should of come to the place that was recommended to 'em by her Cousin Alec, an' the other said that Cousin Alee was only about three-quarter three-quarter witted, an' that his trouble seemed to run In the family. "Then they both of 'em comes out of the house single file an' stalkin' right past us they gits into the car, squabbles a while about who was goin' to drive, and then up the rud they go. "It was two days later before anybody any-body else showed up, an' then it was a woman with three daughters, who was pleased with the first cabin we showed 'em an' real sociable. They was all over the place, makin' friends with the dog an' the cow an' askln' all sorts of questions. They stayed the fust night an' would of stayed the second all right if it hadn't turned foggy. It was about midnight when they was a rap on our door an' there was two of the girls standin' there shiverin' but terrible mad. "Before I had a chance to say any-thin' any-thin' or ask 'em anythin' the oldest spoke up an' says: 'Why don't you do something about that cow. Listen to the poor thing.' " 'I don't hear no cow,' I said. 'The only cow we got is in the barn.' " 'Well, it's somebody's cow, and we just can't bear to hear It crying that way. You must find out about it at once, or we shall leave.' " 'Well, I'd heard other fellers in the business say that guests must be pleased at any cost', so I slipped on some doe's an' went out with them. We started down the rud without hearin' nothing, an' then we come up over a little hill an' one of the gals says. 'There she Is now, poor dear.' "'Where?' says I, pretty puzzled. " 'Eight out there. Do you mean to say you don't hear It?' "Then of a sudden I knew what it was all about. Three miles up the river the fog horn was goin', an' them gals was out on a errand of mercy to get me to put it out of Its misery. "The next day I says to Henry: 'Henry! Tomorrow you an' me is goin' to take down that sign on the rud an' retire from the outdoor hotel business. That feller that said that women Is uncertain coy an' hard to please was smarter than Solomon an' Dan'l put together." CoDyritrht. "WNU Service. |