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Show Classifying a Widow. The Wall street broker had been to a dinner where the fizz nzaled mer-rily mer-rily and he was right onto the fizz wagon. 'Hello, old top," a friend greeted him on his way home about midnight; been to Brown's dinner? What kind of a time did you have?" "Fine," he replied, pulling himself together. "Sat next to a gray gas-widow gas-widow who " "A what'" broke In the friend. " grav gas-no." he corrected himself, rubbing his mouth with the back of his hand, "no, a gay grass widow, and she " -Tliafa different," laughed the friend, ana let him finish his story. New York Sun. It Was a Secret. ( "These war bulletins conceal a lot," said Playwright George Cohan at a luncheon at the Players in New York. "They suggest, in their shocking concealments, the case of little Willie. Wil-lie. Little Willie entered the drawing draw-ing room, where his pretty sister was entertaining Mr. Bones, and said: '".Mr. Bones, look at this.' "And he stood on his head cleverly. ' "Ha, ha,' laughed Bones. Ha, ha, ha! Who taught you to do that, kid?" "Little Willie looked as mysterious as a war bulletin as he answered: " 'Sister told me I must never tell'." A Lame Answer. The stupid person sometimes says a witty thing without knowing It. A professor in a medical college had , one very exasperating student: "You see, Mr. Smith," said the professor pro-fessor to this young man one dajv "the subject of this diagram limpB, because one of his legs Is a trifle shorter than the other. Now, what should you do in such a case?" "I should limp, too, I think, sir," replied re-plied the student, with an expression, of perfect innocence on his face. Tit-Bits. Tit-Bits. Half the Fun. "Why don't these luxurious steamships steam-ships abolish the steerage?" "Why should they?" "Then there would be no poor passengers pas-sengers to be roped off." "You don't -understand. The rich, passengers like to see a few poor passengers pas-sengers roped off." Brooklyn Citizen-Had Citizen-Had Learned Why. ; "Am I as dear to you as I was during dur-ing our courtship, darling?" queried, the bride of six short months. "Much dearer," briefly answered, the freight-payer of the combine as he proceeded to audit the latest crop of monthly bills. Indianapolis Star. The Duke's Bargain. "The duke was about bankrupt when he married Miss Millyuns." "Then you' don't think it was a lovs match?" "No; it was a safety match from the duke's point of view." Boston. Transcript. Some Pedigree. The Lady You say the dog has a long pedigree? The Dealer Yes, inarm, 'e has. One of 'is ancestors chewed off th' corner of the Magny Charty, an' another of 'em bit a 'ole in good King h'Alfred. Yes, marm. Cleveland Plain Dealer. Playing Safe. ' Wife, what does the doctor say-about say-about your case?" "He thinks there is nothing radically radi-cally wrong. Still, complications may arise, so I guess I'll spend a month at the seashore to be on the safa side." Too Plain Spoken. , He I wish you'd drop the "Mister and call me plain George. She Oh, but it would be unkind to 2 twit you on your personal appearance f that way. St. Louis Globe Democrat. ' No Sympathy. "Sir. your daughter has promised to become my wife." "Well, don't come to me for svnv pathy; you might know soruethins would happen to you, hanging arounu here five nights a week." Kuusto-Post. Kuusto-Post. Just a Shower. The host-lfs beginning to ra.n; you d better stay to dinner The guest-Oh. thanks very much; but its not bad enough for that. Yale Record. Going Down. Recent graduate (to the man behind be-hind the desk)-What's the chances for a young fellow beginning at the bottom and working up' Man at the desk-Poor. We're con tractors for digging wells. Letter of the Law. CraJ-shaw-Dkhrt , te let me catch you doing that again' Tommy Yes. dad caee6 ' Age and Cle78s. Old LH,ly (meeting two littlo hovs. il t,lllt your little hrolher If bo much cleaner than you ro" 'Ur Johnn e Well vn years younr-rudgr' 'U!'8 '" His Shining Je. on'yo,,b"-mL --''- T "Ihank you, sir, er.. week? :'z::?r nBh, yet."-uutz;e':a mt |