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Show 1 Qath-crecl Smiles CIRCUMSTANCES. She waa only a atnall girl, but even little people can be nauKhty soma-tlmea, soma-tlmea, and thla waa one of the occasions occa-sions when Mabel had kicked over the traces. Naturally, mamma waa terribly angry, an-gry, and Mabel waa dispatched to the reasons aloft where, In her mother's bedroom, she waa bidden to alt upon a certain chair, pending further Instructions Instruc-tions from headquarters. The particular Instructions were long dlayed. from Mabel's point of view, and after half an hour she ventured ven-tured to query In childish treble: "Mamma, may I come down now? I promise I'll be good." Ilead'juartera waa atlll huffy and wafted up the etalra the reply: "No, you ait Just where yoa are tlli I call you." "All right." came In slngaong tone from the bedroom, "all right, mamma, only I'm sitting on your best bat!" Oulf Statea Presbyterian. Courted Stranger. "Although I was traveling Incognito." Incog-nito." muaed Plodding I'ete. "I was received re-ceived with marks of distinction too numerous to mention. People of wealth and position vied for my attention." at-tention." "What are you doln'T" asked Meandering Me-andering Mike. "Dreamln out loud?" "No. I'm talkln' about when I was In Kansaa pretendln' I waa a farm hand loo kin' fur work." SURE. The Hoarder You advertlaed thla place aa being a aummer reaort Why, the thermometer hasn't been any lower low-er than St decrees aver, alnce I've been here. Mra. De Wiser Well, ain't 90 degrees de-grees summer? Sure. What's better than A holiday For the marking man? A rain In pay. Getting Instructions, "My wife la learning to cook by correspondence cor-respondence course. She writes and aaka how to mil biscuits, and tbey reply by return malt." "What If the biscuits are in danger of burning after abe geta them la tbe oveor "Then abe telegraphs." Do You Know Thla Kind? "I)o yeu know, I. like that girl what a sweet voice she baa whan she slugs, besides, to me, her talking voice la Just aa sweet." "Well, there s yet another thrill In atore for you. old chap. Wait till you get to knowing ber better and she calls you up some time and atarta to cootof to you over tbe telephone." St Louis Republic. DlfTeeant Directions. First Customer I wish to select a Vane. Floorwalker Tea, madam. James, show the lady to tbe crockery department depart-ment Second Customer I wish to aelect a vawt. Floorwalker Yes, madam. George, show the lady to the brtc-ebrao department. de-partment. The New M. D. Miss Oosslp What's this I bear about the doctor s being no gentleman? gentle-man? Miss Matter of Fact Yes, that'a true. Mlaa 0 "Tell me about it What did he Mlsa M.-o.F It'a a lady doctor-Pennsylvania doctor-Pennsylvania Punch tiowL Horn ef Llteraturs. "I thought Ilueton waa such a literary lit-erary town." "Have trouble while you were there V "Had bard work finding a book atore. and when I found one they did net have a bartender'a guide." Boa Office Art. Jonee Well. Smithy, how did yoa like the ehnw last night? Smith Oh. fair. Jonea What waa tbe plot? Smith Don't know. Think It waa between the author and the manager to get 12 out of the audience. Life. Rh In That. "And what," be angrily demanded, "am I to have In return for all tha money I fcav spent on you?" "WeM ;ouv got the experience." She relml' "epU4. . FORK OVER. Mr. Holdtlte I wonder where the money's coming from for that new hat of youra? Mra. Holdtlte From the mint. I suppose. sup-pose. I'd bate to think you were a counterfeiter. No, Never. The mermaid Is a favored soul. Kite's clever and she's sweet; Hut If she cannot have her way She never stamp her feet. Father's Consent "Sir," began the young man nervously, nerv-ously, "I wlah to aak your consent for my marriage with your daughter." "Eh?" quickly rejoined the parent. "What of your Income? Is It sufficient to support a wife?" "It la," boldly returned tbe allghtly nettled aspirant, "and, what la more. It's aufflclent to aland an occaalonal touch from my wlfe'a fatherl" "Then she's youra, my eon I "London "Lon-don Anawera. Keeping Up With Providence. In Amerlcua, Ga., there la an old, man who haa quite a record for marrying. marry-ing. Four wlvee have died on him and be baa married tbe fifth. After the fifth wedding a neighbor met tbe old man'a son and aald: "Well, John, I hear your father baa married again." "Yea, air," aald the boy. "Every time tbe Lord takee one the old man takea another!" Saturday Evening Poat Wily Old Sea Serpent First Sea Serpent What's the new of fooling around away out here? Why, we're at leaat five mllea frfm ahore. Let 'e swim In, ecare tbe butch and get our namee In the paper. Second Sea Serpent Aw, what' the uae? Tou know yourself last 1 ear we weren't within 2.000 milea of thla coaat, and yet all up and down It they ran our plcturea and gave ua the beat writeups we've bad atnee we've been in thla business. Not for Ornament "It la a mark of distinction for a Chinaman to wear a yellow jacket," aald the summer boarder who trlea to entertain with bits of information. "Yea." replied Si Slmllng; "I've heard tell about tbe amart things the Chinese do. tlut there'a nobody kin make me believe that a Chinaman nor anybody else kin tame a yaller jacket ao'a to make It do fur an ornament" Thrifty Lover, "I aee where a young man wanta girl who jilted htm to reimburse blm for the note paper be used in writing to her." "Well, why doesn't he add addition al charges for pen and Ink?" "He confesses that he always bor rowed a fountain pen." POOR MAN. Henderson Wouldn't you like to be rich enough to do what you pleased? Henpck No. I'd rather be rich enough to do what my wife pleased. Varloua Plana, Ma will eumaner In tha hlUa; la ahmad will roam. Fa. who haa to foot the bllla, Summers her at horn a. A Wlee Pareon. Mr. Wealey Croeecut You're aur. ly not going to be away Wednesday night! Dont yotl remember that la tbe date Deacon Bunco haa aet for our pound party? Rev. Wesley Crosscut (firmly) I do my dear; but I prefer the ounce of prevenllona. Puck, Very Muoh S. "Did yen ever come in touch with aoclety clrclea?" 'Oh. yes; I've been knocked down eace or twice by their autoa." |