Show Kathleen Norris Says Real Women Turn Trials Into Lessons Bell Syndicate Features J w e l y I fl 0 1 a 0 e 1 co d e a 0 0 0 0 J u 0 0 o l v o oi a i 1 I y I rL DouG tt t My mother in speaks peaks to my babies as though they were her oun olm When their doctor comes in she takes charge of oJ him too But flu I 1 am peter neier consulted I By KATHLEEN NORRIS RENE FOSTER has an efficient efficient efficient ef ef- I IRENE affectionate well- well to-do to mother-in-law mother and she feels that she simply cant can't stand home conditions any longer Yet there are many women who would change places for awhile anyway with Irene My oldest little boy is 5 writes Irene He was born when I was just 19 The younger young young- er baby is only 7 months old I Iwas Iwas Iwas was delicate for some time after Robert junior was born and Bob Boband Boband Boband and I stayed in his mothers mother's home with her because it was comfortable comfortable comfort comfort- able economical and saved me all responsibility Bonny as we call caU her her Is 61 but very young and active active active ac ac- ac- ac tive for that age Just listening to her sometimes tires me out Bonny was widowed 20 years ago she likes to run things and she runs us all aIL I 1 have bave no more to say in this house than the baby has I If I ask the cook or the upstairs girl girt for anything they always refer me meto meto meto to Madam Bob was 38 and a bachelor bachelor bache bache- lor when I married him he has always always always al al- ways lived here no other place he says would ever be like home His fathers father's books his mothers mother's glass glassand glassand and china the old rugs and lamps and chairs are arc a part of his life But they arent aren't part of mine and sometimes I feel fecI I will suffocate itI if it I have to stay among them much longer Bonny Takes Charge My babies live on the third floor with a little littIe nurse of their own Bonny Bonny Bonny Bon Bon- ny speaks of them as though they were hers Im going to have his tonsils tomUs out next Winter vinter and Im not letting Mollie take the baby out today at alL aIL I If the childrens children's doctor doctor doctor doc doc- tor comes In in-he in he is her ber nephew by bythe bythe bythe the way and she runs him too too too-l I Imay may go upstairs with them and Usten listen listen lis Us- ten but Im I'm never consulted He tells her that little littIe Dicks Dick's formula might be changed and she tells teUs Mollie She treats me as though I were a child Bob she respects and consults consults consults con con- but even Bob will tell her she is a mule for determination She only laughs at him bim She calls caUs after me to ask what coat I am wearing reminds me of my engagement with the dentist tells me to ask Jane or Nancy to come to lunch I cant can't ask anyone to the house without without without with with- out her permission and she will as likely say No not Saturday as That will be all aU right riehl If I suggest to Bob that he and I give a dinner he says Fix it up with Bonny dar dar- ling And Bonny may say I wouldn't cultivate those people dear Sooner or later you and Bob will have to drop them The result of all this Irene continues continues continues con con- is that I dont don't feel like a human being at Dt all I get up I go through the day I 1 see seemy seemy seemy my children when Mollie and my mother-in-law mother are willing for me to see them I dont don't have any duties except filling fining vases or driving down downto to get Bob I dont don't know what's comIng coming coming com com- ing on my own table for dinner a sort of spell is over me an invisible cage and I cant can't get outLast outLast outLast out Last week Bonny went to visit her brother who Is a Detroit doctor I At the last moment she decided to take my older son She stopped outside my door that morning and said to him bim Run in and say good-by good to Mummy I That was the first I 1 knew of it it I let them go but when Bob got home for lunch I 1 went went- into hysterics and said a thousand things that have been bottled up In my heart for a long time He was wonderfully wonderfully wonderfully won won- kind but he treated it as BI a LIVE LINE WITH IT ITAn ITAn ITAn An axiom popular with young oung doctors is Live with your jour disease I If IJ f you OU cant can't cure it learn to endure it That is what Kathleen Norris urges Irene Foster to do Not disease but kindness is killing killing killing kill kill- ing Irene She is being stifled by the unwanted kindness o of oj ojan f fan an overly capable mother-in- mother law lazy But the treatment is the same Irene cant can't change the situation but she site can learn to tomake tomake make mahe the best o of oj f it Be sure to read this touching story o of oj ofa oja f fa a girl with Hith whom you perhaps perhaps perhaps per per- haps would gladly change places childs child's outburst and told me that evening that I mustn't ever think of it ft again and that he wouldn't either Smothering Kindness I 1 said then that I was going to find a house of my own and for two days I did house hunt But we have no furniture no kitchenware or linen or curtains and it does look like a abig abig abig big job to start with nothing and also find some woman who will be part cook and part nurse Bob hasn't referred to the matter matter matter mat mat- ter again I am writing you to ask whether you think I am justified in trying to break away from all this smothering kindness and service and try to stand on my mV own feet as mistress of my own home Irene my dear my advice would be that you abandon the idea of findIng findIng find find- Ing a real house with curtains and chairs and pots and pans in it it and build bund instead the house of the mind and soul and live in that for awhile We all have to do this i if we are areto areto areto to grow up spiritually and mentally Some women refuse and go on to years of loneliness and bewilderment bewilderment bewilder bewilder- ment wondering how and why they have missed everything worth while But real women turn their trials Into lessons into tests of strength and endurance and finally into blessings Must Free Difficulties Whether it is poverty disappointment disappoint disappoint- ment physical disability or or-as or as in your case the case the inflexible necessity of living with those who arc are not congenial congenial congenial con con- genial who impose upon us and cripple us we must accept something something something some some- thing along with our dally daily bread If it is not a husbands husband's faults and limitations it becomes the infinitely infinitely infinitely in in- finitely worse conditions that follow divorce If it isn't an over-officious over mother law its it's an idle useless one who never picks up her cigarette cigarette cigarette ciga ciga- rette ends or remembers telephone messages Or if U it isn't either its it's very vert apt to be the third sort who pays no attention to her daughter daughter- law in-law but expects dear Robbie to listen to her complaints every day Most women have money shortage as a D worry Most husbands have havethe havethe havethe the mismanagement or extravagance extravagance gance of wives to think about as they walk to the office Thousands of mothers today have deeper agonies of spirit to face the face the helpless helpless help help- less longing that comes when the boys are far away and in danger This woman knows that deafness is coming upon her this other one knows that in her ber middle-age middle she has lost her husbands husband's love and he be wants to be free And many are arc alone living In boarding houses working hard for tor just enough shelter and food to keep life within them wondering why they live at allAn alL alLAn allAn An axiom very popular with young doctors is Live with your dis dis- ease ease Failing eyesight missing teeth certain chronic nerve and heart and kidney alI affections for which we have no cures simply must be faced and borne |