OCR Text |
Show TERWILL16ER WANTS DATA Weighty Problom Before Chicken . Picking Machine Man. 1 - People at Eastport, L. I., and tho neighboring villages of East Moriches Mor-iches and' Speonk report that they havo received in the past week any number of printed notices reading as follows: "Are YOU Interested In anti-fat? It to, you will learn something to your advantage by consulting with TEIl-WILLIOER. TEIl-WILLIOER. EastporU" The wording of this notice has excited ex-cited considerable comment. There Is no mincing of words, no beating around the bush. Terwllllger of East-port East-port hit straight out from tho shoulder. shoul-der. If you are Interested In reduction systems thero Is only one thing for ou to do. It you're not interested, lust throw tho notice Into tho waste-basket, waste-basket, or, If you llvo at Eastport, Moriches or Speonk, Into tho kitchen stove. Ever since Terwllllger; Eastport's most constructive cltlzon, perfected his chicken picking machine, by moans of which a chicken can be separated from Its feathers in three minutes at the outsldo, all Eastportors have been wondering what the inventor would turn his attention to noxt. It seems perfectly clear, in the light of tv notlco and Terwllllger's own remr k, that he Is going to tackle tho welgu problem of avoirdupois. A Moriches man whose curiosity long ago overcame his discretion hurried hur-ried over to Terwllllger's houso the day after" the notices first began to appear to find out what was up. As a pretext he said he was interested in tho subject and had come to consult the Inventor and learn something to his advantage. Terwllllger gazed on him with surprise and disapproval. "Now seo hero, St Cornellum," he exclaimed, "I know darn well you didn't get ono of those notices, for I sent 'em out myself. Besides, how can you be interested you being thinner than a fence rail? "An don't you suppose I know you do corresponding for ther New York papers? You orter be ashamed 'of yourself to butt In like this. I won't stand for any press-agentlng, either. Well, I s'pose since you're hero, I might as woll explain It to you. "You see, it's jest this way. 1 weigh nigh 300 pounds myself, an' my wife, weighs 200. When I was a boy and wont to school I got tired to death being told 'If you don't like so an' so, you can lump It' I got so I used to tell 'em: 'Yes, an' I can lump the whole lot of you.' That usually shut 'em up, for they knew I could lick 'cm with one fist. "An ever bIdco then I've been the butt of sly Jokes about how when I go In swlmmin' 'ther tlu rises six Inches an' all that sortor thing. I mado up my mind I wouldn't stand for it any longor an' as soon as I finished my chicken picker I'd sot out to find an accurate, scientific way to reduco superfluous flesh. "No, I havon't done anything about It ot. I'm Jest almln' to consult with thoss that are truly Interested in the problem with a view to getting first hand data to work with. Now there's quite a few fleshy people In Eastport nnd Speonk, though not so many In Moriches, whero they'ro mostly like you, thinner than a beanpole. "Why, Jest lot mo tell you what happened hap-pened while I was In Now York two weeks aso putting my chicken picker on' ther market. My wlfo and I thought we'd llko ter seo ther sights, and so we got on one of those sightseeing sight-seeing automobiles. "They wasn't a-going to let us on at first, they thought we was too much of a load. But tho chaffer says: 'Ob, let 'em on; put 'em In the back seat, an' they'll keep the machlno from skidding when we take tho corners. So finally they put us In ther back' seat "No sooner had we set down when there was an explosion like a Oatllng gun nn' my wife nearly fainted. One of the back tires had burst. Hy-guy, they was soro, an' so was I to think we couldn't take ther trip. "But that wasn't our only difficulty. The noxt day wo boarded a Twenty-eighth Twenty-eighth street car to go across town. Thor darn car was light weight an' tho moment my wlfo an' I was squarely square-ly on the back platform tho two front wheels tilted clear of the track. "Tho motorman let out a yell, he was so surprised, an a policeman came running up. Ho an' ther conductor Insisted we must get off right away, though I told 'em they could drlvo the car all right as long as ther two roar wheels was on ther track. But ther motorman was superstitious an' said he'd bo gol darned if he'd drive tho car that way, "So wo got off. I was going to pay our fares and sue tho company, but tho conductor refused to tako 'otn; said It would bo a shamo to take the money, or something llko that. "Now you can Jest see what a proposition prop-osition I'm up against, Why, my wlfo hafsn't recovered yet from that trip to Now York, It gave her ( a nervous shock." "So you havon't tpkon any stops toward to-ward solving tho problom?" SI Cornellum Cor-nellum ventured. "No, I'm Jest ngnthorlng data," Top wllllngor responded. "I sent ono oi thoso notices to Secretary Taft, ho lit lng tbo most famous an veil as ono ol tho fattest men In ther country. II stands to reason ho can't enjoy having hav-ing a shapo llko a Big Stick. I cot), fldently expect nn answer from hire ts soon as ho can give ther mallei bit attention. An' I'm willing to bM It'll ba darn good data, too." |