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Show ,, ' ; Careful. ' -i ''"T P Wall iiect K riot -low to catch BP I'nn prsfoii- that .happens to strflje I "if. fancy' or "that can be twisted into: -something resembling a joke. I r Just now the brokers are having a I wee bit of fun out of the pmueldxase,. f as was-shown when two of them met I in front of the custom house yesterday. yester-day. "Well, old man." said one, '"how's business? How do you make it go?" "I decline to answer, on the ground that it would tend to .incriminate and degrade me," was the grave reply.. Facts Contradicted Sentiment. "George," she whispered softly, "mark yonder breath of cloud, strech-ing strech-ing to the utmost part of the heavens a boundless, infinite sea of nothingness." nothing-ness." "Nothingness?" he echoed. "Why, goodness . gracious, Maria, there's a quart of rain in every foot of that cloud!" ,. The Cause of Woman. Joys of Flat Life. - "What time of night was it?" asked the judge, "when you heard the pistol shot?" "Between 1:30 a' m. and 2," replied the witness. "Have you a striking clock in the house?" "No," "You say you had retired early nd the room was dark?" "Yes." " r "Then how do you know what time it was?" "Because the people in the flat above had just run up the dumb waiter to put .their milk bottles on, and the family in the flat below had not shaken their kitchen flre yet." Brigham Little Takes Offense. Brigham Little of Salt Lake City, a pillar of the Mormoli "church, did not know that it is customary in China after the first greeting to say, "And I trust your honorable wife is enjoying good health." "Sir!" he exclaimed, when thus greeted by the "well-meaning Li Ting, "I'll have you understand, sir, that all of my wives are honorable, you yellow-faced he-laundress!" Very Busy. Miss Parkins "Mr. Charlie, what a rattling pace you are going at this morning!" ; , Mr. Charlie "Aw, yaas, Miss Parkins. Par-kins. Don't detain me. I'm hard at work. This Is the busiest season of the year to me." Miss Parkins "What are you doing?" do-ing?" Mr. Charlie "I'm dodging' my creditors. cred-itors. Good morning." Why He Hesitated. During a big revival a sinner was greatly worked up. While the preacher preach-er was exhorting the sinner arose in the audience, and, with face flushed with emotion, said: "Dear friends, I feel the spirit moving mov-ing me to confess what a bad man I've been, but I can't do it while the Grand Jury is in session." "The Lord will forgive you!"' shouted shout-ed the preacher. "I know it, I know it," said the sinner, "but he isn't on the Grand Jury." Atchison Globe. '( The P L . s - 'it .' he physicians, were ridding a consultation con-sultation besit'e the cot of the man supposed to hive appendicitis concealed con-cealed about his person. "I believe," said one of the surgeons, sur-geons, "that ,1," i should wait and let him get stronger before cutting into him." - " Before the other prospective operators opera-tors could reply the patient turned his head and remarked feebly: "What do you take me for a cheese?" Keeping Her Down-. Mrs! Lowerten Well, Sally, I' s'pose we've got to call on that new neighbor. Just take your scissors and cut some sort of a hole In the middle of our visitin' card. " Daughter What fer," maw? What does that signify? Mrs. Lowerten It dont mean anything any-thing that I knows of, but she'll think . it does. Heartfelt Sympathy. Mrs. Womans Wright No one could expect a mere man to show any interest inter-est in the cause of woman. Mr. Wright Well, what was the cause of woman? Adam's rib, wasn't it? New York Sun. Placed Under Bond. Mrs. Subbubs "The new cook's got such an awful big trunk It will be almost impossible to get it into her rcom." Mr. Suhbubs "Shi We must strain every nerve to get it in there." Mrs. Subbubs "Why is it so important?" im-portant?" Mr. Subbubs "Don't you see? It . we get the trunk in and it's such a tight fit she may never be able to get it out again." Womanly Sympathy. "To prove that I love you," wrote a Georgia swain to his sweetheart, "Im about to drink carbolic acid for you, an' carbolic acid is the most painfull-est painfull-est of drinks." To which the youny woman replied briefly and with sympathy. "sCt you hain't already done drinke'd it, an' your mind is made up, why don't you come up to the house an' let dad's mule kick you? It's more sudden, an' what's more, you'd never know it." . Sending Lightning to Jersey. Franklin was advancing his theories on wireless telegraphy. "I have made an electric current go beneath the Delaware," he exclaimed. "Yes," replied his fellow scientists, "it's very interesting, but we can get all the Jersey lightning we want without with-out that much trouble." And the great philosopher went his way weeping. - . Victim of Experiment. "Wha-a-t's the matter, John?" gasped gasp-ed Mrs. Torque; "don't you lika the new dishes I've cooked?" "Where did you get the recipe?" "Out of the cook book, of course. Why?" "Don't you think that you happened to get the cook book mixed . with some dialect story this dish tastes like it." His Stock in Trade. "The first thing necessary," said the dentist, as he probed around the victim's aching molar, "is to kill the nerve." ' "No, you don't," groaned the patienlj as he jumped from the chair. "I'll let the old tooth ache rather than have my business everlastingly ruined." . Note He was an Insurance agent Sympathy. Girl with the Gibson Girl Neck Isn't it strange that when you get something in one of your eyes the other eye waters, too? Girl with the Julia Marlowe Dimple Oh, I don't know. When Jack Honeywell kisses you on one cheek the other cheek blushes Just the same doesn't it? Her Conscience Saved. "Yon disapprove of some of the conventional con-ventional fictions?" "I do," answered Miss Cayenne. "And yet I have heard you exclaim to a number of people, 'I am perfectly delighted to see you!" "The remark was perfectly true in each case. I shouldn't care to be blind you know." ' No Armor-Piercing Watch. A. Did your watch stop when you dropped it on the floor? B. Of course it did. Did you ttink it would go through? The Lady If my poor mother had only been alive, I should have gone back to her long since. The Brute No one deplores your poor mother's untimely death more than I do, my dear. It Didn't Work. Johnny Say, ma, our teacher told us to-day that "through nature's providence" provi-dence" a cat always lands on its feet when it is dropped, so it won't be hurt. Mother Well! Johnny Well, I went's up on the roof and dropped our cat' off, and I guess she'll have to be picked up with a piece of blotting paper, |