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Show And a get rich quick Investor also is born every minute. Mr. Kipling prefers the bagpipef , bul he can also touch the lute. English earls and American poker never have become thoroughly acquainted. ac-quainted. - In the matter of swelling the death rate the late Dr. Gatling easily headed his proiession. There are plenty of men who will never grow round-shouldered from carrying car-rying their brains. ( Some people are already beginning to fidget for fear panama hats may be stylish again next summer. 4 Cornell professors will get pensions of $1,500 per year if they escape typhoid ty-phoid until they are seventy. Kipling's new poem would seem to Indicate that he wants to hedge on the flanneled fools and muddied oafs. The lioness Aesop tells about, you remember, entertained a" somewhat different opinion concerning large families. fam-ilies. Count Boni de Castellane says he is v delighted with America. Evidently the Gould checks have been liberal of late. The news that the author of "All Coons Look Alike to Me" Is a bankrupt bank-rupt should cause genuine regret in Indianola. The Louisville Courier-Journal rises superior to local prejudices in an editorial ed-itorial on the "Value of Kentucky Waterways." Sir Thomas Lipton has served notice no-tice that he is coming for the cup j this time. He is tired of being merely a jolly good fellow. Theatrical managers ' love a full house, but it is a sad sight for the man whose three aces have induced him to pay to witness it. From recent numerous scandalous eruptions in royal circles abroad one gathers that the sarsaparllla market is on the verge of a boom. ' ?7mo ATuert kakaiiimokTltumma kha, last descendant of King Kame-hameha Kame-hameha of Hawaii, is dead. Let us hope he has gone where the good are Great Britain has purchased the cruisers offered for sale by Argentina. John Bull may be a little bit slow, but he rarely overlooks a naval bargain. bar-gain. , i The messenger boys can never expect ex-pect to conduct a successful strike until they invent a scheme by which they can exercise authority over their mothers. Oh, that's only his way," we often hear pleaded in excuse for some one. But when a man's ways are offensive to his fellows he's called upon to alter al-ter them. The big supply 0f smokeless powder that the sultan is arranging to buy in Germany is not designed for toilet use by the female members of his happy family.. Congratulations continue to pour in on Mrs. Ormsby, the mother of the famous quadruplets, while the melancholy mel-ancholy plight of Mr. Ormsby is persistently per-sistently overlooked. A Philadelphia minister advises young women never to marry a man until they have thoroughly reformed him. Why not make sure of him first and reform him later on? A Kansas City telephone girl has been awarded $12,500 damages because be-cause the manager shook her, not figuratively, but literally. Moral- It Is better just to talk to a telephone girl. Count Tolstoi maintains that the accumulation of vast riches is not a good deed, but an evil one The beauty of this theory is that the good deeds will always outnumber the evil ones. King Edward of England has joined join-ed four clubs during the past year Now if the queen doesn't believe him when he gets in late it will simply show that she isn't willing to listen to reason. Baltimore's new city directory gives the city a population of 664,725 155,768 more than the census enumerators enum-erators found in 190H. Evidently the Baltimore directory publishers are enterprising en-terprising people. |