Show o. o I r ALPHONZ TELLS ABOUT ZE GAME f Scene I. I Kitchen in Gas Alphonz-Gas- ton residence Alphonz busy over If I stove L t r Gaston To Black Cat We VVe 3 must hasten supper Alphonz will fi soon be here unless he is killed Ah Ali I hear hear his gentle quickstep on the sidewalk Door opens He is alive and safe Enters Alphonz ex excitedly Alphonz Oh Gaston you ceri certainly certainly i did miss it I played veil vell so soI t. t I did Everee von says it vas a star game and I zink so too I vas vasi vas vas- i Gaston Well wait one minute What's the score Alphonz Zero to nothing in our u favor It bin twice so more moreover moreover I over but zay stopped ze game before ber before be be- r j fore ve made another touchdown t But I haf a lonesome feeling in my Iny Let us eat and zen vill villI r r I tell you all about it They rush the grub on the table and sit down Gaston I will thank you for forthe the meat Alphonz Alphonz After me my dear Gaston I am so gaunt I cant can't tell whether I haf a pain in my mick or a back And my left lefthand lefthand hand floating rib iss so veery tender L 1 I Gaston You did get hurt then r Alphonz Yes But it vas in ze first part of ze game before I learned zat zere is always room on il top I vas about to interfere with three or four of the Frats ven I Imet k met McBroom coming in ze direction Before I could get F out of ze vay he had knocked me down jumped on me and vas avay avav aj again like a flash of greased light light- ning A vile afterward some someo o or of ze Frats in ze excitement zat I vas hurt and zay piled on me mein mein mein in in spite of all I could do to keep avay Zat made me mad and after zat I jumped on ze whole bunch at ivery Vill you pass me some more meat Gaston Well how did the other other other oth oth- er fellows play Alphonz Excepting Holmes was probably ze best man manon manon manon on ze te team m. m He know ze game pretty veil but he made by letting ze other men throw him down ven he lie had ze ball Riser does veil yell for a young boy but he doesn't stop to which is ze best vay to run and many times he stumbled over our own men Professor Professor Pro Pro- Professor fessor Stewart ought not to bin in it at all He vas in my vay all ze time No matter vich vay I run zere vas ze professor I vas delighted after ze game ven he fell over ze fence Gaston Oh tell us about it Alphonz please do Alphonz Veil Vell you see Stewart felt so elevated over ze zat he challenged Toronto to a footrace Avay zay vent across ze campus shorty throwing mud in Toronto's Toronto's Toronto's To To- face all ze way He fIe didn't see ze wire till and zen it vas too late He Ie revolutionized around it a few times and finally landed on the track about four yards avay It vas almost a case of race Oh it vas 1 j j ful spinning He do justice as a flywheel Gaston And where was Toronto Toronto Toronto To To- all this time Alphonz He joined ze rist of us in giving Stewart ze laugh horse-laugh zen he begun to calculate how many turns ze professor could do doin doin doin in a minute After ve had laughed till ve had split ourselves ve vent up to ze gym and had a rub Gaston A rub-down rub What is isa isa isa a rub-down rub Alphonz Alphon Zat's vat ve football men call a bath You just stand under undera a made home-made storm rain-storm till you are tired and zen dry yourself with piece of emery-cloth emery called a ruff towel Zat's a rub-down rub Gaston Well what is it for Alphonz Oh you ignorance Its It's for nothing It iss just a habit the American athletes have got into But come now Gaston and vash the dishes I vill retire Followed by Black Cat he goes into the other room from whence there soon issues issues a series of loud loudl l snores French and German SC SCENE ENE II 3 J N Bedroom at 3 A. A M. M t V if Alphonz Oh I I Gaston ohi r tl jJ t. t You Get your toes out of my J A ribs Groans pitifully 1 S ys i i r t 1 Gaston wal waking ng Oh my dear l e r Alphonz are you in pai pain i Alphonz No Ze pains pain's in In me Oh oo Get ze liniment Ive I've got 1 all Oh L ze over oo PI b be e care careful f u I G Gaston aston Oh Oh 1 oh dont don't move so suddenly v Gaston slips from bed and gets the l J liniment fl q M I Gaston I vill rub you Alphonz 1 Begins the rubber treatment i Alphonz Oh a more J i gentle Im I'm awfully tender oh I oo I wonder if my rib is broken Gentlee Gaston gentlee Zere zat vill do dear Gaston I vill try to live till morning Be careful ven you get in bed Vill you assist assist assist as as- me to turn over Oh mercy oo 00 Zere Gaston you If I see you drowsily I no more more more- morein in zis zis- zis life life life- good bye r I die in a good ca ca- ca Snores fill the deathly silence Vl d r I j l 1 j U r r 1 1 f 1 I I rr L E i J J E. E 1 4 DO DOES S 'S A WIRE WIRE ST r n ft i I 1 s P I 4 A t. t jf j- j I J i r f 1 1 t j i |