Show i iTHE I THE SYSTEMATIC LOAFER f J I His Department There are so man many many funny things things in i in life life- Stand on a street corner corner for five j minutes ride half half a dozen blocks block in a acar a acar car keep your eyes and ears open opel between between be be- be tween classes then laugh and grow grow fat ft a i J She She hated t to to sew My daughter r v said the gentle voice y your ur sl sleeve sleeve- v ris is ri ripped ped Had not b better you sew up those seams Seams mother I know I w not pot s seams arns she answered Then she buried her her nose once once onee more in her if Hamlet and Jet Jether let lether let her po poor i old mother do o the t work or rh They y were discussing Helens Helen's Babies He was simply bubbling over with over with some thing She observed d it it and gave an an anre e encouraging Well With a twinkle he responded I never drink but it it just occurred ed to me that if you would Budge I I. might get some Toddy And her hair tt turned ned white whit in about fi five seconds s. s What are you reading an Ephraim- Ephraim r i ite asked me the other day Paradise Lost to I ans answered ered Oh Oh yes he said with the air of a aman a aman man who knows the whole hole hole- thing hing by he heart rt A pause then h he he asked i inquiringly inquiringly s I Is Is there any English history in it i ji Rolling along on my my- bike one day day dayI I saw a lot of carriages in front of a h house use I dismo dismounted close i by I. I a son of Erin Erin d who j JI le leaning ning i v upon pon L I if hi his nis IJ LJJ pick I t thoughtfully c watched the proceedings A A- dignified young young I fellow 0 str strolled 1 d up up a and d ask asked asked- d the he theman theman heI man Who's dead Well sor was the answer I Id s don m know sor but I think hink its its it's the man man in inthe inthe inthe the hearse sor r V The teacher was Vas passing the evening with wit about twenty of f her pupils and t. t forfeit games were played recklessly What shall the owner do to redeem this was was the question as a d dainty bit bitof bitof bitof of of cambric with the teachers teacher's initials on oil onit it was was' held before the penalty ser She shall excuse me if n I dont don't know my history lesson Jesson tom tomorrow was the ready answer And the teacher teacher had to promise before she got back her hand hand- kerchief 1 It was rightly called a a a m meat market I for people met there frequently This particular aft afternoon they were were discussing whether or not the children children in the same lot should be allowed be allowed to continue their foot-ball foot practice Customers are afraid to co come e ne near near r said the butcher Now all all' in in- favor of clearing the premises of of these little nuisances say ay Just then a vigorous vigor vigorous vigor vigor- ous OIlS kick from one of f the young athletes outside sent the ball b bounding through the open door It struck the meat-block meat a and d bounced up into the hutch butchers butcher's rs r's f face ce There was a hearty laugh and then and then th theman the theman man man ma continued solemnly H The eyes and the nose both have it m'S S 'S i j jA m A queer thing ha happened ned on on Valentines Valentin sr day I i. i Ma exclaimed ed the daughter of the home those little hoodlums will knock the house down When children are not sending valentines there is no sense in t their ki kicking king all the doors down just t to to make a disturbance That front door will be com comp completely ruined 9 1 i J I Ill J J 4 J j l I a Bout But the kicks kick I c came me hard and heavy Talking ing was no good it was a time that needed action I Ma Ma shrieked the dau daughter from her upstairs study Get Geta a dipper of water and stand behind the thedoor thedoor thedoor door until you hear the next one coming then open ope the door quickly and throw it itin itin itin in his face The d doting ting mother followed the advice advice advice ad ad- vice but with disastrous results The 1 next next one coming happened to be a ayoung ayoung ayoung young man caller He told a friend next ext day that he was nearly drowned by bythe bythe bythe the cordiality of his reception rk What is the matter with Johnnie asked the fond mother one day at the dinner table He looks mournful The practical father rejoined He is ts And the roast beef jumped from the platter of its own accord and walked a away in in deep di disgust gust f 3 f fI I was brushing b my little sisters sister's h hair ir Not being used to the business I thumped harder arder than thap was w s necessary ary Goodness Joe oe she said I wish you would would brush brush like you you walk when you are late for church How is that I asked It Slow and s steady eady I A few days ag ago I heard one boy say sayto sayto t to to another another- I I dont don't know what it was but I beli believe ve that cigar made me sick ck Im I'm not us used d to smoking Never mind old fellow Never was addicted to the habit myself but its it's no disgrace for a man not to smoke The first time I tried it I was still in skirts that that is all kilts on anyway The neighbors neighbor's boy had worn knickerbockers for a year and smoked dry leaves rolled up in paper for two weeks The neighbors neighbor's neighbors neighbor's neighbors neighbor's neigh neigh- bors bor's boy was ahead of me in every every way But I was going to catch up So I sat down by the d ditch and crossed my legs as he did while he fixed the smoke 1 j v J. J 1 He had He-had had unusual luck that morning A Apiece Apiece Apiece piece of butchers butcher's paper paper and some tobacco smuggled from his grandfathers grandfather's bag made a fine cigarette This he generously generously generously gen- gen I passed over to me after taking the first pull I did not like it the smoke got into my eyes and it tasted nasty However I puffed away perseveringly perseveringly perseveringly perse- perse until conscience in the shape of my mother smote me heavily with her hand and a short but vigorous argument argument argument ar ar- on the part of my stomach caused me to throw up smoking forever S. S SL L. L |