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Show Kotesof a A'cu) Yorker: An Argentine official was address lng a gathering of Col. Peron's offl- cers clique. He shouted: "The pluto- ! crats who are responsible for this war must not go unpunished! The Yankee and British imperialists who are trying to squeeze our beloved ! Argentina to the wall attempted to i do the same to Germrny. That is I why the German nation under j Hitler struck back at their enemies. ! Nor can we allow the Jewish-Bol- j shevik alliance (which emanates ; from Moscow) to hem us In. We, too, must try to 'save the world ; from the Red menace!' " At that moment a messenger placed a slip of paper into the speaker's speak-er's hand. He glanced at it and read, "Argentina invited to World Security Conference." Startled, the official cleared his throat and resumed: "And so, in conclusion, gentlemen, I say, 'Long live Democracy!" Eat-Your-Own-Words Drp't: Edward Ed-ward R. Stettinius, in a letter to Rep. Jack Anderson of California (dated January 28, 1945) wrote that toe U. S. "should not enter into normal diplomatic relations with the Fascist military clique which is in control of Argentina." A couple of dainty debs tripped Into a swank bar. "I never drink in the afternoon," said the first, expertly expert-ly settling herself on the stool, "but I'm simply beat. Gotta have something some-thing to pep me up." "Me, too," moaned her friend, "What were you doing?" "Oh, gahd," was the reply, "I just came from the most awful cocktail cock-tail party." At the Metropole Cafe folks discussing dis-cussing the pro-and-conference news mentioned that "Frisco" isn't the term San Franciscans prefer when referring to that great city. "Hmmmm," remarked a wag, "whaddaya hear from Joe San Francisco lately?" A San Francisco gazette of the crime ridden Gold Rush period carried this item: "Some contend that there are really no laws in force here but the divine law and the law of nature; while others are of the opinion that there are laws in force here, if they could only be found" . . . Newspaper men of that day hurled insults both verbally and in print Some wrote satirical satiri-cal verse. They took sides In political quarrels to the point of fist fights and duels. One editor hung a placard over his desk, reading: "Subscriptions received re-ceived from 9 to 4; challenges from 11 to 12 only." In the course of one of his lecture lec-ture tours, Mark Twain made a stopover at a small California town. Before dinner he visited the barber shop for a shave. . . . "You're a stranger in town, aren't you?" queried quer-ied the barber. "Yes," Twain replied. "This Is my first time here." "You chose a good time to come," the barber continued. "Mark Twain Is going to lecture tonight Think: you'll be going?" "Oh, I guess so." "Have you bought your ticket? If you haven't you'll have to stand, cause everything is sold out" warned the barber. "Doggone!" cussed Twain. "I never saw such confounded luckl Every time that fellow lectures, X save to stand!" A west coast war plant baa discovered a unique way of checking absenteeism. A labor-management labor-management committee Investigates Investi-gates all employes whe do not report for work. If It Is fonnd that an Individual has beea needlessly absent, the following follow-ing payday he receives some Jap currency In his envelope and a note which reads: "The extra money Is a bonus sent by the Mikado. It Is nirohito's personal reward for your fail-ore fail-ore to report for work. He was glad to pay you for not making mak-ing the war materials our sol-dlers sol-dlers need." The mother of a bnbbysoxer had a rude awakening the other day. She learned her daughter was no longer a child. The daughter's friend had planned a gathering for a group of youthful sailors, just recently re-cently pressed into the service. When the teen-ager was leaving the house, the mother said, "Have a good time at the pnrty. dear, and be a good girl" To which daughter quipped: "Oh, mother, make up your mind!" Gelrtt Burgess edited a magarlne called "The Lark" in the 90s. One of Its famous contributors of non-; non-; sense verse was Carolyn Wells. It was in "The Lark" that Burgess' classic, "The Purple Cow." appeared, ap-peared, and also this one: "I lovft to go to lectures, and make the audience audi-ence stare, by walking 'round upon their heads and spoiling people"! halrl" Burgess was wise. He ditched th magazine while It was still thriving, explaining "I wanted It to die young and In Us freshness." |