Show FABLES IN rt SLANG ADE A df AW 1 HE NEW FABLE OF THE LIFE OP OF THE PARTY one night a complimentary dinner dovas ae given to ft a captain of industry ty some friend looking for orders the chairman of tho the arrangements committee was a popular wino wine push er consequently tho the volunteer starch parties were out for three days alter after cathering sa ath cring up tho the dead along about 1030 when every per feet gentleman was wits neatly stowed tend brid each chandelier was doing a sinuous fial salome orno in timo time with the hungarian orchestra a man alan connected with the jobbing trade got up to ta bay any a fow few worde words lie ile as keyed to concert pitch and the audience was piped and all tho the old surefire sure buro fire hokum bokum at 0 a sentimental nature simply killed them in their flae when ho he concluded the hilarious hun vun brothers with the mussed up hair and the twisted shirt bosoms arose to their feet and waved napkins and gave tho the orator what bo he described bribed to his wife at 2 A M as A Voya novation tion another good roan man was spelled after herman made this gosh awful tilt flit with the souses he became con vinced that he was an after dinner wit i ous gus thomas and mind simeon ford had nothing on him whenever ho he found himself seated nt at a table with other people and food dicing being served ho lie began to euck suck lozenges aad classify his anecdotes and try to appear unconcerned all tho the timo ic c was simply waiting tor the main alain fluff to come up from behind tho the and say wo we have with us this evening then for ohp quiet introduction lead tag ng up to the sparkling botand tho the tremolo stop pulled all tho way out on wn the pathos ana and a couple of debows to put them in a good humor con eluding with a hypodermic of hot af mush ush it tho the bunch sat back and refused to fall tall for tho the wartime war time favorites ho he would console himself by telling around that ho he was up against tho the low brows he lie knew that ho he was a dinger be rause he remembered bow how the mag hag incent assemblage stood and cheered bim fir five minutes therefore his sounded to him good deal like the boston symphony oay orchestra playing Rubin steins melody in F whenever people sat down in front of the decorative canape caviar and got of ready to endure the horrors of another hotel gorge they would glanco across I 1 cross tho we snowy expense of white dotted with plump california olives and cold unfeeling celery and seeing ll herman erman seated opposite would re anark Stun stung gl 1 he ile could not have been kept in his chair va with ith a ton of coal in each tall pocket rocket and it the ladles ladies welo ei 0 present that was where here ho he worked in the calls and ordered out the TwIn twinkling liling store according to the expectation tables of e the insurance actuaries probably he will vill stick around tor for 32 years anoro and never find out that he Is a pest rest MORAL those who bemoan the decline of at oratory should re m abor hat oratory never was known knon to de do w dine line THE NEW FABLE OF THE HONEY MOON THAT TRIED TO COME BACK once there was as an art couple that would get got up every G M and nd put on the five ounce mitts and rait wait for the sound of at the gong long each was working for the champion ship hip of the flat and proved to bo be n glutton for punishment every time he landed a crashing haymaker hay maker on her family she countered with a short abort aam jolt on his Vers persona onal ppe urance both would retire to the tho corners breathing heavily but still full of combat he loved to start out the day by finding in the paper what a professor connected with tho university of chicago had said about the american woman being it vain and shallow parasite with a fer ebrum about the size ze of an english walnut she would ret retaliate allate by reading aloud t 3 9 special in regard to a husband goa ang wife with ax ar while under a the he influence of liquor after which for 16 or 20 minutes minu toe tho the dining room would bo be juit just an a and quiet as a camona camorra trial sometime sometimes ho he would get first 1 blood but juet just as often ebe she would fiddle around for an opening and then right on the conk and him stalling to escape further punishment abin nightfall came they would still be edging around the lung changing wha nging away for each woe was too to be a quitter their married life which out jut with american beauty roses 12 li 2 every vaso and a long piece in the paper now settled down to a thirty years war with all 0 of the attendant horror horrors the only time the dove of peace really lit was ahrn n they had company then they would dear eich ench othe othet until tho the promises became sticky and she would even coax up a hippie ripple of 0 fake laughter when ho he pulled some wheeze that used to go great tho the year they were engaged but the moment the last guest closed the front door the dove of peace would heat beat it and another domestic gettysburg would drav the servants to cover after this bad had been going on for bev cral eral seasons ho he happened to get got hold of a powerful work written by a pop 04 04 11 I 1 4 4 put on an the five ounce mitt mitts and walt wait for the gong ular novelist unmarried who made a psychological dissection of a wom ans soul and then preached a funeral sermon over the dead love that once blossomed in the heart of at the heroine after he read this tragedy of flickered romance he ho felt like a pup he lie perceived thai that he had been in the wrong the novelist taught him that his cue was as to bear with the weaker vessel and to keep the honeysuckle of true affection pruned and watered by devotion and sacrifice therefore be he made one cone large vow to cut out the rough stuff next 11 morning orning when the queen cf ct the amazons put on her paint and feathers and began to beat the big war drum there was mas nothing doing he lie refused to enter the blood talked i arena and when she camo came at after t e r him win he fell over and took the count before a punch had been de livered vered ll before starting for the office he kissed kissel her a v couple of timer and gave her sime massage Alas sage treatment around the shoulder 1 1 1 z and called her Too toomb tb a term of endearment which bad bon rusting on tho the shelf ever since thoy used it at niagara falls she was aas so dazed by this reversal of form that she peeked from the front window and watched him clear to tho the corner convinced convince ct that he was wa on his way ay to meet another woman he ile came homo home that evening with i a jar of candled candied nuts and when mr mrs simon legree demanded the name 01 ol the hussy ho he simply pulled a yearn ing smile and invited her to go ahead and use him as a punching dag next day she put a newspaper around the bird cage and tied up the geranium and took the unfinished tatting and blew blow when sho she walked in on an her own people with the declaration Decla mUon that all bets were off they wanted to know how about it and she said a spirited woman keep on rooming with v guinea pig MORAL contempt breeds lama abety vaa |