Show t J The Tb Constables Constable's By VV V. W. W JACOBS Mr Bob noh sat In time the kitchen with his clad legs less stretched on the tho fender cutler Ills wife's half eaten 1 dinner was sas getting cold on tho the table tahle i t Mr iiiI who Wl was S b badly In need I of up emptied her half- half empty glass glas o of beer heer wiped hi Iii j lips HIs with the back of his hand l. l Come aWa away avny I tell you he called Dye Dc hear bear Come Como away Y You'll uil be beI I lock locked d up if it you OLI dont I He lie gave Ja a little laugh laush at t 1 the sarcasm sar sar- a anti and sticking his short pipe e In I e his mouth lurched slowly to the room oom door and scowled so at his wife as she fhe lurked at the thc hack back of the tho window i watching Int Intently the furniture which was vas being carried In iii next door r Come away or 01 else elso you'll be he looked locked I up tip repeated Mr MI You YIU t r- r mustn't look looh at policemen's furniture its its it's a agin ln the lie law I Mrs 1115 made matIe mm no r reply pl but hut t throwing appearances tb t the winds I stepped to the window until her nose touched as an a walnut sideboard with I 4 1 bevelled glass back hack was rJ borne Inside under the time personal supervision super super- I J I if vision Islon of Police Constable Evans be he a n planner next said Paid the Indignant Mr 11 peerIng peering peer peer- ing from the lie depths of the time room c got one responded his wife ther theres s 's he the end of it up i In the van an Mr 1 advanced and re regarded re- re 4 the time end encl fixedly Did you OU OUi i throw all them tin lii cans and things J t Into their yard wot I told you to o I he demanded lie He picked up tip three of cm cm while I T was sas up replied hl hits his wife I Icard I 1 cat card a reI Mm 1111 tell her hem that hint they'd commie come comein in handy for paInt and things Thais ow coppers r get el on anti and buy huy planners said the lie Incensed Mr fJ sneaking other peoples people's property I didn't tell you to throw f good Jond uns um over o dl did I Wot Yot dye de mean by it II h 1 Mrs ma made e no r reply llly but watched with bated breath the lie tri triumphal trl- trl s I ii l entrance of the time piano Th Tho Tue carman cannon set It tenderly on tho the narrow nano 4 footpath th while P P. C C. Evans F. stooping g low examined It il at al all nil points and 4 r. r Mrs oIls Evans raising the Iho lid Jill struck a afew few fc careless s chords 1 Showing off explained Mrs with turn and ind she's f got bot fingers ers like carrots V Its a disgrace race te 16 to Mulberry gar gardens Carr GarV Gar Car r dens den to ave are a c copper come conic and anh live lI A. A In It II said the lie indignant nant and lo to come and antI live lire next to lo me y that that's s what I cant can't get et over o To 10 come and live JIve next door floor td Id a man 1 wot vot has been lined fIned twice t and anel both I times wrong Wh Why h for fOI two pins Id I'd go so In and smash is Ms II planner first and j E J Im Mm after it He lie wont won't live JIve ere ore long bug i you OU take In my word woid for or it il Why not inquired his wire wife t C Why repeated Mr Mi h Crummit r Why Why becos Ill I'll make the i c plum to ot it to hold him Aint there here enough houses s 's In without Mm un J 1 4 tt ll- ll Jt JR antI livIng next dool 1001 oo to 0 mc me me F a whole week the brain conIn con- con In Mr 11 ls l's shaped bullet I V h 1 worked in vain aln and his temper c t r f. f correspondingly ba bad The da dac day da k c ter er the he Evans' Evans arrival he lie ha had found his yard lIttered JIttered with tins this which he lie recognized as ol old acquaintances an and since that lint time the they had hind traveled backwards backards an and forwards with monotonous monotonous monotonous mono mono- regularity The They sometimes made marle as many as three journeys a day tIny and on one occasion the heavens hea opened to lo drop a battered tin bucket on the lie back of ill Mr 1 as he was as tying his bootlace Five minutes later he spoke of the outrage to Mr Evans who had come out to a admire the sunset I heard something fall faU said al the constable eyeing the 1 pall all curiously You throw threw It said Mr tIr I breathing furiously Me Nonsense said gald the lie other easily I 1 was having tea In the par par- r. r lor Jor with my may wife wiCe and my mother ln ft law and my may brother Joe an and his histo to 1 young younS lad lady t An Any more of or em em demanded the hapless Mr 11 aghast at his list of oC witnesses for fOl an alibi It aint a bad hael pall Pail If iC you yui ou look at H It properly said Iho tho constable I I should I keep It It Ir I was you ou unless the he Owner offers offer reward r a for it H. It'll HII hold enough h water for your OUr wants J I Mr flung Indoors and amid af aten a- a f ten tel wasting some ome time lime concocting conceding Impossible impossible ims im Im- im- im s possible measures of or with his partner went oft off to lo I discuss affairs Hh his Intimates af at the time Bricklayers Bricklayers' Arms Time The company S. S although h unanimously a agreeing that I I Mr Ir Evans E oll ought ht to be bo boiled were wre t miserably deficient In Ideas as to lo the he means b by which such a Ll desirable end was to be attained a stock la that's thal's 1 h the best thing said an elderly i The Te police dont don't like hike being laughed at t l Ow demanded Mr 11 t with some ome asperity Theres plenty o ways said raid the he theold old manI man I r should find em ern nut out fast enough if I ad a it bucket dropped on 01 m my back I 1 know Mr iiII made a retort the V feebleness of which was somewhat t balanced I b by Us Its ferocity and subsided J i Into inlo glum silence Ills Ibis Jack hack still t ached but bUl despite that thai aid to lo Intellectual Intellectual Intel Intel- effort the lie only wa ways he lie could Imagine of making time tho constable look Ionic i t foolish h contained an all almost certain t risk of haid labor for fOl Ho lie pondered the lie for a i welt week and ancI meanwhile lie Iho tins to lo the Iho secret t o ot of Mr Mm Evans Evans- remained untouched In his hils yard ard For Forthe r the whole shohe of the time ho he went about f. f Jool looking ln as Mrs 1 expressed sed It It I. I as ns though his dinner had disagreed r ell L with him T Ive been talking to old Bill Smith 1 i he lie said suddenly as ns he came came caine in iii one nl night ht j lr l MrS looked up and po- po 10 5 iced with wifely pleasure that hint ho hu was wasi i looking almost cheerful f t lies Hes given mo inc a tip Ml said Mr r with a a. faint smile mlle a n cOpPer cOp cOp- y per mustn't como come Into a horn free 1 En Englishman's lIshman's unless hes he's Int In- In t Vot Wot of or It It Inquired his wife 0 m You wa wasn't nt thinking of asking him In Inns t t was ns you 1 f 1 Mr r 1 regarded her almost I V playfully If a n copper comes conies In without with with- eo out being told to to he continued ho Jt r gets ets Into trouble for It Now dye see Bce cc J But UtH he wont won't e caine corne said tho the l' l sled d Mrs 1 t t Mr 1 winked Yes Yea e will If IC you scream loud enough he retort retort- Wheres heros the 1 ed d stick copper-stick I t Have you OU gone gomie one mad mati demanded lila his If wife or 01 do ito you OU Oti think I ave are a 01 You Vail J go up tip Into tIm tho bedroom m said MI air emphasizing his hi rf reT ro- ro T f marks with Ith hl his hiM forefinger l' l I come up till and 1111 beat boat the lJ bed bod cl black and amid blue bluer f r with the flick copper you scream for fot inert inert- an and amid call out help Murder y and timings things s like 0 that Don't Dont cn call on out Police cos BUI aint sure about that tha port Evans conies comes bursting In lii to m e our life life ill Ill I'll leave the door hoor 0 on th the latch latch amid and there you ou are an lies He's Mirto Mir amine to get Into Inlo trouble for or It It Bill salt said PO so o. o He's Hes made a study o o that lint sort o o 0 ot thins thing t h Mrs pondered this lila simple plan so lon long bug that lint her husband lib to lo lose c patience At last against he her Letter s sense n sh she Io rose e sod and fetched the weapon In question A And 11 you oll be he careful careful what youre you're hitting she he saul said as th they w went nt upstairs up 11 stairs to 10 o bed hed Wed better helI have Igl words first I You pitch Into me mime with your OU tOI tongue ue said 11 Mr tr amiably i Mis m a. a nl first t likening to tn taI sure ule that the lit the constable and Ii hl Is wife ere lre In II the lie bedroom th time the other sub side Rile of or the he flimsy wall ahl wall compiled and a n tia that rose iose o e gradually r to a piercing fal old oM Mr th things l that had been rankling in her 1111 foi ome omne months Sh She raked up ul misdemeanors I that h he lie had hail lon long sin since shire forgot forgot- ot- ot I tiMi tn ii and anti not content with wih that had a afling afling fling II at time tho entire family beginning with wih her hem law In amending and am ending with wih Mr 11 youngest cst sister Ister Time The hand hanel that lint held the cop cop- itched stick per Any more moro to say my de demanded Mr MI advancing ad upon her hier Mrs Mis emitted a genuine j and Mr d r. r suddenly 1 re remembering me- me m himself stopped short and attacked the tho lie bed hee with wih extraordinary I fury ury The room Ioor with wih blo blows and lie tho efforts of if Mrs wore were verca a re revelation to lo lien her husband I can caim UI hC hear l' l im jm moving inuring ro whispered Mr li h pausing to lo take tale breath Mur tier Muir walled his wife Help Ilp I Help elp Mr 11 n. n chal ln the he stick in inIn into In- In to In hl his him left lef hanoi hand halll renewed tile the tle attack Mr 11 whose hose voice was vas bo- bo a a. v relief 11 in moans moans Is lie deaf he deaf panted pante the time beater or wot sot He knocked over o a chair anti and Mrs Mr contrived another frenzied scream eream A loud knocking soun sounded cd on 01 the wall vahl wall lid lp Ip Id moaned Mrs oIls there came the voice of the lie constable Why hy dont don't you keep that baby quiet We e cant can't get a L wink of oC sleep Mr oi tIm dropped the lie stick on omi the bed and amid turned a dazed face to his wife He hes he's HeheR he's hes aC afraid afraid to al to to come Iii in h he lie Kec Keep Keel It I up imp old gal ul He lie le took tool up the stick again an and Mrs did lien her best hest hut but th the heart ha had gone SOle out of or tile tho te thing thins and he lie was about to give iii up 1 the he task as a hopeless when the tIme door below was as heard to open with wih a bang Here he lie is cried the jubilant Now 11 Ills wife responded and at the flame ame moment the tho l bedroom choom door 1100 was vait Slung flung luns open and her hen brother who tho had hal been hastily hasty fetched by hy tIme iho nel neighbors neigh neigh- h- h hors bors on the lie other oIlier side burst Into th the room and with one heart hearty blow sent Mr 11 sprawling Hit Hll my sl sister will you YIu du he lie roared roared roar roar- ed cd as the astounded 11 Mr rose Take Tako that that Mr took tool It I and amid alel several other favors while his 1 wife rife fe tug tugging lugging ln at her brother endeavored to explain It I was not not however howe until ill Mr 1 Grum GIum mit claimed the lie usual sanctuary of the tl defeated fl by hy refusing to rise that thai she could make herself heard Joke Jolet repeated her brother In In- In credulously Jol Joke e Mrs in a husky ol voice co ex ex- Her brother passed from Incredulity to amazement and from amazement to 0 mirth He lIe 10 sat gt down gurgling and anel the tIme Indignant face of the Injured only ahle added to hl his Best nest joke I ever evem heard In my Ifo life 1110 ho said wiping his eyes Dont look at mo mc like hike that thai Bob Dob I 1 cant can't bear beam bearIL It It- IL Get oil oft or ome onie responded Mr Mm 11 glowering at him Theres a crowd outsIde and amid half halftime he time doors in the tIme place open said the other othe Well its it's a good job joh theres there's no harm hiatt don doii done So long bug long He Be le passed massed beaming down the stairs and Mr Mn 11 GIUl ella drawing neat near the lie window heard hi him bun 11 explaining In a broken voice to lo the lie neighbors outside Strong men patted palled him hini on the lie back and urged him gruffly rufy to say what whal ho he had to say y and antI lau laugh h afterwards Mr 11 turned from the window and andIn andin ant In a slow antI and stately fashion prepared to lo retire for the lie nl night ht Even en the lie sudden sud sud- den and startling ell disappearance of Mrs as she got gol Into Inlo bed failed failed fail fail- Cal Cal- ed etl to lo move mo e hll him The TIme beds bed's broke c. c Bob nob she aim said sall salt fain faintly by Beds wont won't lat last for over ever he lie said shortly shorty sleep on the floor n Mm clambered out and after aner some trouble secured the lie boot bed clothes and amid made up a lIed bed In a cornet corner of the thc 1001 room In a a short time she waC was wa C List st a asleep hut but her husband broad awake the lie In iii further fur fur- ako spout spent night devising cle ther Impracticable schemes for th Hit lit dl discomfiture of tho the foe next door donI He lie saw sw Mr Mi 11 Evans F ans next morning as ashe ashe ashe he passed on his way to work Th The Ilie constable was at tIme the door smoking In iii his sleeves shirt and Mr oIl felt el that ho was walling waiting there thereto to lo see him passI pass pasc I 1 heard hanl you OU last night said the time constable playfully playful ly My word Good grad gracious otis ot the lie mailer mater with you ou II demanded de do- nU 11 Mr Im Mopping short short This lw constable stared at him She has been heen knocking about he lie gasped Why It I must ha lU been you OU screaming then lien I l H It sounded sound sound- sund- sund ed etl loud Wh Vh Why dont don't you 01 an and 1 gc Je get it a i summons ana anH nave have nor her ler l upI up I should bo lla ell to take her her Mr faced him quivering with passion Wot Vot would It cost 1 if IC I 1 set about you 7 ho Ito deman demanded etl husk husk- ii My Ih Two wo months said ld Mr Evans smiling serenely three three Come Como out In Iii tho lie road rone said Mr 1 tr with wih su sudden tn violence Its Is agin tho ho rules said sid Mr Evans sorry orry I 1 cant can't Why not nol go o and aul ask your wife's brother mother to oblige y you u He lie went In laughing and atal closed cosed th lie tho door OO and 11 Mr alter after a fren ren- ren stool outburst proceeded on his wa vay returning the tho smiles of such buch lances as r he lie passed with will an Icy stare star or a strongly otTer offer to make mak them hem laugh tho time other othel side feldo of or face Cace ace The Tho rest of or th the tue lay day ho spent In workIng work work- orl lug Ing Ins so hard that lint he hc had no time t to reply to the anxious inquiries of or hi his fellow Ho UP came caine homo home at nt night glum an and silent th the Lie hardship of or not being able ahl to give JIe Mr Mi 1 Evans g hl his dc deserts rt without Incurring hat hard labor labO having weighed on his spirits all 11 da day To a avoid th the annoyance of or the piano idano next loOt door door which was wu slowly and reluctantly yielding up imp Time Tho ThC Last Ro Rose e pf cit cf Summer Sum Sum- m mer I note ote h by note noh he hue went out at th thin tho hack back aunt and the lie first tIming thing he aw was I Mr lIi 11 E Evans mending iii his path loath with wih tins Un and nt other othel Nothing like Ia it I It said sall the constable looking lP imp up Your Yom missus gave em er to tous 1 us this his morning A little gravel sra on I toP lop and there you Ol arc He lie le turned |