Show a I The TIe Gallery FRANK c CONDON Dr I in jn Meat a i I r I 1 e q 1 m mt i t r I N They simply stroll Into one of the new chain sawdust shops drop a dime In la the slot clot By FRANK CONDON CONDOM PEOPLE who are forced to toA A wrestle with the weekly or monthly grocers grocer's bill bill and and that means menns everybody will everybody will willbe b be amazed and delighted to know about the news that has come from Harvard University University University sity which is located in Cambridge Cambridge Cam Cam- bridge Mass That news is what I call real news It concerns concerns concerns con con- cerns the thc latest scientific advance advance advance ad ad- vance as explained by the celebrated German professor to the other admiring professors sors The Thc applause was deafening deafening deafening deaf deaf- ening when the German ceased speaking Briefly it U Is la this They have finally finally final final- ly after many years of laboratory struggle succeeded In making sawdust sawdust saw saw- dust edible In a very short time we shall be able to feed our families families lies using nothing but the lowly and despised offspring of the whirlIng whirl whirl- Ing lag saw and end the unresisting tree and naturally that is a matter of Jubilation for the doe entire human race as many persons have been going hungry In recent years and have been fed by their governments We dont don't have to understand how they do it as long as they can do doIt doit it it so the best way is to accept the thc word of the renowned German professor professor pro pro- fessor and be happy for sawdust is just about our cheapest commodity commodity com com- and always will be There I Iare are too loo many trees for sawdust ever ever to get expensive May Balance Budget Over in Germany they are already already al al- al ready feeding sawdust In edible forms to the ilie farm animals and with elegant results Horses so fed pull far heavier loads cows give more milk pigs squeal with greater gusto gusto gus gus- to to goats butt harder and the ducks honk in two tones The effects of this new deal Inhuman in inhuman inhuman human diet will spread over the world and all classes will wUl share It means genuine economy and a settlement settlement set set- of economic problems for if we dont don't have hav to pay so much for our meals then perhaps we can balance our national budget and perhaps Europe can pay oil off her war debts Consider the tha father of a family of ot 12 now struggling hopelessly on sn small all pay to keep his little flock full tull of beans potatoes milk and bread On the way home from his factory job he will be able to stop in at the carpenters carpenter's shop and pickup pickup pick pickup up a bag of sawdust from Joe and then go cheerily on home with enough sustenance to feed the tamy family tam fam ily lIy for five days If the carpenter happens to be out of sawdust at atthe atthe atthe the moment the tIle old man simply borrows a saw and a two four and saws himself a small heap of good solid meals Try Eating Nails Nalls Or take the case of the young city clerk who would like to escort his sweetheart to dinner and the the ater He lie cannot do it not under our present food regime as the double double dou dou- ble bill blU is II too much for his delicate delicate deli dell cate purse lie Ho can pay for the theater tickets but the restaurant charge overwhelms him especially if U his girl Is healthy and likes steaks salads desserts and the trimmings In a nice restaurant this is about seven dollars not counting the tip But under the coming sawdust system system and and mind you science willbe will willbe be able to produce any form any kind of food from soup to nuts nuts nuts- the they simply limply stroll into one of the new chain sawdust h shops drop a dime in the slot riot a mere rover cover charge harge and fill up on the rarest sort of cf Vi viands d delicacies fruit fruits and assorted vittles topping lopping the meal oft oil with a steaming beaker of sawdust coffee and sawdust Ice ic cream eream The new discovery Is Indubitably one of the most important In thelast the thelast last ast hundred years and may change the course of empires As it stands stand today we cannot grow coffee but Brazil can and Brazil cannot grow trow wheat but we can So we are forced as nations to swap products using hundreds of ocean freighters freighters' and thus wasting coal and man- man hours lushes Dishes of Ever Every Country France ships us u. Napoleon brandy and in return we send France California California Cali Cali- fornia peaches Turkey ships us tc to b bacco cco and we ship Turkey Oregon apples Russia sends over caviar and we send back potato chips and the thc whole process is expensive but when the new sawdust era dawns all this foolishness will come to an end for then we can walk over to the thc nearest lumber dealer buy a barrel of fresh sawdust and sit down presently to a table groaning with the rarest and most delectable dishes It certainly Is a cheery prospect and proves what many people have often said that said that civilization would never have advanced thus far without with out the helping hand of science without the aid of those noble and self effacing men who toll silently in laboratories for the thc betterment of mankind Of course man being the thc Imperfect Imperfect Imper Imper- feet crea creature ture he Is the future may not be all skittles and beer It maybe maybe may maybe be that grasping and greedy capitalists cap will step in and corner the sawdust buy up all the forests and woodland down to the last quivering aspen tree and then go ahead boosting boostIng boost boost- Ing prices and making us pay through the nose Graft GraU In Sawdust Industry Selfish politicians may side with the speculators and the day may come when a citizen will not even be allowed to walk into a shady woods Then we shall have sawdust sawdust saw saw- dust boot loggers and sawdust speakeasies with possibly a grim repetition of the whole unhappy pro pro- scandal You may not beable beable be beable able to buy a saw without a police pollee permit or carry one on your person person per per- son even a little jig saw You can even Imagine a courtroom scene on I Ithe the day after Christmas with a are re respectable respectable re- re but downtrodden citizen facing the judge and trembling What were you doing with the Christmas tree Your honor I was just taking Ithome it ithome home sos so's to hang up a few toys I for the children a few glass glau balls and arid some imitation snow I II I They found a saw in your house didn't they Yes your honor but but but- Just another sawdust thief Sixty Six ty days Next case Some second rate saloons like to have sawdust on the floor but this market is comparatively small andIs and andis is growing smaller since ladies took to sitting in bars It seems ladles do not like sawdust on the floor The other use Is to pour sawdust Into Icehouses ice to keep the ice from melting and that also was a trifling market All An Is changed Families that own forests in this country will do well to hang on for a rising market mar ket for one single lingle pine tree may contain the makings of hot hotdog dogs dog 6 0 and a dozen New England clam boxes banes Heavy eaters and plain gluttons I who overstuff at al the ta table le had better bet bet- ter let watch their steps and go easy as it is rather embarrassing for a glutton to be walking down the i I street full of 01 sawdust and chasing chasin off the wood peckers I S v Cell Syndicate Section S |