| Show FABLES IN SLANG By GEORGE a ADE Df Iee a r. r r.- r. 1 wa t Y C l r rI I C u. u i 1 Ii ir Yon Sore r i r Benny Made Some Sketches BECOMING BEACH BEACH- BROKEN T IS trul truly said that here In fn dear dearold dearold IT old Columbia the Jim of the Ocean Opportunity knocks once at every mans man's Door and everything everything everything every every- thing turns out great after that unless unless un un- less the Poor Rummy happens to be beIn beIn ben In n the back part of the House at the time Certain it Is that if you will grab ind nd strip almost any Great Executive tive seated at a Mahogany Desk you fou find Ond on his Person the lingering Evidence of Stone-Bruises Stone Cal Cal- louses buses Do Dog Bites fers gers and Immediate contact with a Strap having ha a Buckle Ruckle at one end In other Words the Important Per Per- who sit git In elevated Splendor Splendor dor and rule the World by Phone from ornery Kids living In small Towns Most of them started out with a Village Curse on them and Ind what was supposed to be a Handicap turned out to be the prin- prin pal opal Boost The various Forms assumed by a s little country Tadpole before It be be- tomes romes the majestic City Bull BuIl Frog have e excited the Interest of Many who nho ho write for tor a Living but Howells and ind never told the Half Df of It Every ery self made Rufus Rutus puts on a Drama as he moves In Spectacular Fashion from the Spring Wagon to the Royce Rolls and It Is only fair to add that usually the Comedy Interest Interest In In- terest predominates All of this Blah Blab leads up to a Consideration of the Case of ot Ben Den Flicker who started from Nowhere and can now distinguish between real Russian Caviar and the kind that Is blasted awa away from Sturgeon found round In Chesapeake Bay Day HE FINDS HIMSELF THINKING If It you could have ha taken a reek Peek at little Benny Denny trotting along the Board hoard Sidewalks of Center during the PuIT Sleeve Puff Period and sized up his Sandy Lo Locks ks the honest honest hon hon- est Freckles and the Ostrich Neck you fOU would have said Here is a aLad aLad aLad Lad who will go on and on en working for tor Two Dollars a Da Day until at last he be will have Money enough to per per- mat him to Join the Odd Follows Fellows That would have hove been a reasonable reasonable reason reason- able Horoscope and that Is la how it started to work out Benny completed completed com com- his Education when he could spell most of the Long Words in the flack Part of the Sixth Reader and went to work In the only Factory which had dared to open up in fn Bascom Bascom Bas Bas- com corn Center He lIe bought a pair of Overalls and proceeded to get them themas as soiled as possible and for several Years was just one of the Hands Along about the time that Ice Cream began to be used In Soda Water he scrubbed himself all over one Morning and got a Close Shave and went out ard arid got Married The young Young Lady who took the Long Chance was called TessIe that beIng being betag be be- ing tag her Reel Name Nome and her l Parents arents would have been all right if Ma Ia had hall known how to keep House and Pa bad had not been a Bar Benny Dennl bought a House from the Building and Loan Association You Tou know about the other Ben flying the Kite and Newton being hit by the Apple and end Watt getting Interested In a Tea Kettle Well one day It happened that Benny was tinkering with some of the Machinery Machin Machin- cry ery and the Bean Dran happened to be working and It occurred to him that If the large Dingus coming up under undera a Cog Co Action could be thrown Into a II lateral by substituting an Automatic Approach for tor the hand controlled Lever the Capacity would be doubled and the Labor of One Ont Man M worM be saved THE DISGUSTINGLY RICH Benny Denny made some lome Sketches and sent them In n and got ot a Patent and I built a small Model and nd began Pro Pro- at the rear of a Blacksmith shop In order to insure future Success Sue Suc cess cese he be took Pains Paine to tomake make his Start even more humble and Inconspicuous ous than that of U Ronny Ford Of course the Sequel Is Just as ashard ashard hard bard to guess as the Plot of a Movie Moyle It turned out that Factories Factories Factories Fac Fac- tories in various parts of the World wanted wanted wanted-to to use the Invention and In order to do so 10 they had to po pay Benny so 10 much per Day per Machine which as a scheme for getting collateral col lateral has haa an Edge on all of the theother theother theother other standard Grafts such as aa Bootlegging Bootlegging Boot Boot- legging Beauty Doctoring or getting real Money for Iop Pop All the People in the Universe began began began be be- gan throwing Coarse Money looney at Benny Denny and Tessie and every time they took in another the quaint old Birthplace began to smell worse to them The They had so ao much of the Needful that they were disgustingly dis Rich and the Going was no so easy that Benny Denny had practically ni us Business Hours lIours so they suddenly realized to their Horror that they belonged to that disreputable Section Section Sec Sec- tion of Society known as ashe the he Idle Rich So they began using a lot of Perfumery and subscribed for Magazines Magazines Maga telling about the of the night blooming Spenders They knew that they would have bave to follow Precedents and get In with the Gang They had laad two Youngsters and Tessie had bad the natural nat net ural anal Inclinations of a Mother and shuddered at the Idea of turning them over to Hired Help but what could she do Likewise Benny was wasa a kind of an old-fashioned old Rube Husband and he be was saddened by bythe bythe bythe the Thought that he would have to avoid being too friendly with the Wife or else It would cause Talk They saw a Hard Life ahead of them But Dut they thel could not resist the inevitable Urge to move up to Head Head- quarters and pull putt the Loud Noise Nolle So the two Prairie Chickens got cot ready to be a couple of Golden Pheasants ACTING LIKE THE DEST BEST PEOPLE Next we discover Elizabeth nee ace Tessie trying to Coue herself Into the Belief that she enjoyed blowing Smoke through the Nose and letting the World know what Nature had done for her below the Knees She no longer attempted to keep Tab on Benjamin They occupied separate Apartments with a Long Walk in between Benjamin Flicker soon to be known In the Public Prints as B. B Sturtevant Flicker had bad Joined a aBridge aBridge Bridge Club dub where he was Meal Ticket for a lot of Boys Doys who wore Tortoise-Shell Tortoise Glasses and Spats I and had seen Better Detter Days Das One Reason Rea flea son tor for his bis punk Playing was that he had bad to smoke Cigars which made him dizzy He Ile had been beeD brought up upon upon upon on Lottie Lottle Lees Leea and he be bad had no Chance with a Super Corona but he was a game Bird and took his bis Punishment Pun In the meantime the Orr Offspring were staked out at a select Private School which was laboriously trainIng train train- Ing them to be ashamed of their uncouth uncouth un un- un couth parentage Those of you who study the Rotogravure Rotogravure Roto Roto- gravure Section and have seen the Snap-Shot Snap of Mr and Mrs B. B Sturtevant Star Flicker and their Impecunious ous Guests on the Beach Some- Some where Florida will be Interested Interest ell to know that they now have Pairs l of White Shoes 14 Wardrobe Trunks a Gold Cocktail Shaker and Neurasthenia The Tile smart little lithe Luncheons staged by Tessie are highly spoken of by bl all those who are partial to Free Food FoOl and any Caddy on the East Cast Coast will tell you yon that Benny Denny can play any Club In his Bag Dag except the Woods and the Irons MORAL The The Income Income Taxes TUN are too High |
