Show The Fable of the Vacation at Home I 88 By Dy GEORGE AiE ADE C O b by McClur II w wu S u U Cu SCH there was a Slave Plate O O whose 1 much Better Metter half was all feverish h to tn pick ph-k up and goas po go pons as ns far tar South luth us as the Tickets would carry them Slip She hall hail been reading tho those Palm Tree Palm Tree Ads which show how an nn Improved ld mien of Eden Edon decorated With the Idle filch until she he was faIr Cuckoo Cuckoo This Woman had a R lurking Desire to see sec her Picture Inthe tn to the url Section along with n R luster Cluster of those shy camera Celebrities Cel Celebrities rl ties wearing that ruddy Facial Tint which can ran lie teo acquired only In the Locker Room of ot a n high class Country Club She wanted to go n where Night I was turned Into Day flay and Day Ony was as turned Into Inlo a Massage Treatment She Rhe wanted to step ten out Such urh are the C Cold d Facts I In the the C Case Ce e eOV Now V O this Typical American Husband this Hus hand band was disposed to tn give Sweetie 8 lr e everything In or out of Reason Heallon but tint buthe buthe he hI was sitting In a Ii ft Oame rime of High Finance In ID which no Player dared to look out of ot the Window Window or wipe his Spectacles leave Ila alone taking a lon long Ions Journey She Rhe was wn afraid to go alone for fear tear that someone might take her herfor herfor for tor a Widow V and want to dunce dance with her She Rhe could I not dig 11 up a Female Relative or Acquaintance who wasn't want either too Staid Stal and nn C Conservative or orel el else l' l short on Snappy Wardrobe Besides Be Be- Besides e- e sides a Party of ot Two Persons when both holh are acting as ns Chaperons never lr did develop any Excitement so the whole Situation was a II very pry dark Imported Atmosphere The Provider Iro knew v that she he the was as moping over the Prospect of being penned up tip In a Prison with lIh only four Servants to watt walt on en her and no nn Place to go JO except Theaters Moving tag ing Pictures Bridge Parties Par ties Dog Do Shows Art o x hibits and Auction Sales of ot Antique furniture So he hr tried t to tn frame framl up a Scheme to give her rl right ht at home borne I some same of ot the celestial III lIal Delights of which she he was heln being cheated on account of his hili selfish h Ambition to avoid ohl going Into Bankruptcy When he hI had laid all nil of his hla Plans flans he hI divulged them to hf her as ns follows He Ile sold said It was out of ot the QUI Question llon for tor them to think of ot traipsing off to the Tropics but hut he had hael fixed It ft so asto ns as to give he her most of the Thrills which she would get It almost anywhere between between be be- tween Jacksonville Panama Listen Honey he hI began I have arranged with Mr Wilgus of the WI it'll- gus gUR Floral Company to 10 get the use of their urge large ron Conservatory lr We Wf can sit lIt under the high Dome and anti he hI entirely surrounded by hy Palms Plants and Orange Trees The Temperature u u. u will DP tiP well WIll Ninety I so 80 we WI can ran wear our very Iry lightest t June Stuff Including In In- eluding the Straws and White Shoes Shoe When hen we wt get thoroughly Steam Steam- heated and are surrounded by all nil of that equatorial Vegetation the Illusion sinn sion will still he so convincing nit that t we ca can n very fry well lne Imagine our ourselves phell to be he away off yonder In the the dreamy Southland which I Is now just nt as 1111 dreamy as any Holler Factory you ever Er listened to tn You are art certainly mapping out RCa a R alay Ca lay ay Time for tor me mp said RId the Skeptical Missus What hat would be hI the big hi Idea Idl In sitting under n a lot of ot sheltering Palms for tor Hours at a Time Times Fish Jazz and Bell Sell Yin forget he hI reminded her You forget that about once nn an lour Hour you 1 0 would retire to a R small Apartment Apart meat ment furnished with a ft Pine Bedstead Red Bed ell stead two Chairs and a n Calendar and make a n complete Change of Costume clear down to 10 the Rigging I T have arranged arranged ar ranged to build hand Into the Hot House noue an accurate Replica of lit the usual fled fled- room at lit the t typical Tourist 1 lintel Hotel I have e even gone so far tar ns nIl to order a R Cal Cake e of everlasting Soap and alter the Thumbing Plumbing so that the Tub can ran he filled the same Day Oay I 1 may have hn some trouble In locating any Mosquitoes but hut If It they are to be hI had you will get Iet them Also the Setting will be hI so en contrived that by lIy looking In any Direction Direction Di Di- you will see IIII a Stuffed Fish In the Semi Distance half halt concealed by hy the luxuriant Growth will w he be Window Win VIn- dow dew Dummies draped In late IntI and expensive expensive ex tX pen pensive l e anti and exceedingly brief Clowns of ot the most summery Description You can see Ee what whet my Thought Is to Is-to to provide you with every po possible Reminder Reminder Re Re- minder of ot an overcrowded Caravansary Caravansary Caravan Caravan- sary at the Height of a hectic Sea Sea- son It doesn't sound like much persisted per listed his wife Am I supposed to sleep In the Room Boom during durin this Ihla Imag Imaginary inary Visit to the Land of Sunshine You know It I And you will have one Pillow which will be all right unless unless un un- un less you happen to get It Into your Ear Car What's What'll more morl I T will see Ie to It that many giggling Night Hawks lla Ight stand outside of ot your Door noor nn and talk most of the Night r Everything Is going to be Realistic While I am going through with this Idiotic Performance am 1 I supposed to meet any People or Indulge In Conversation Con Con- she Inquired That has bas all been heen provided pro for While you are sitting slUIng there amur among the Nuts Cocoa I J will Ill turn loose one of ot these new fan new tangled led Talking Machines which Is just twice us as loud as Paul taul WhIteman It Is Impo Impossible to Chat ChatIn In the Presence of Jazz so you will be Just as well off as os It If you were pre entirely surrounded by hy the Elite mite of Omaha South Routh Bend encl and New ew York City As Asa a Substitute for the Talk which Is usua usual I at nt every Center of ot 1 I will permit you to read the Ratings of all nr First Families as U set lItt ft down In n Dun DUD and Bradstreet As As a further Preventive e of Ennui I 1 will have hue a Colored Colored Col Col- ored Boy Dor In a lilac Blue Uniform come and stand In front of you eTer every few Min utes For no Reason whatsoever you rou will hand him Two wo Hits Bits Or If you wish to hear him say MY Thank you It will be advisable to slip hIm One Huck Ruck That Is le not my Idea of a lark said 1181 she hiring nell Hell Hops flops to go 0 away away Just Jutt Just a Good Coed Idea Gone Wrong It IP Isn't nt any ones one's Idea Idla of a I lark ark hut but It Is one of the large Incidental Features u rIll Rut But ut dont don't become Imps Imps- dent tient You haven't hn heart heard the Half of ot It As we sit lIt there basking In the Warmth I 1 will have ha several Culles wiggle by In their Piece One Suits Snits This will give you fOU an excuse to say to tome tome tome me What are arc the Young People of these Days ays coming to tot to Then In order order or or- der to keep kerp right up with you foU I will say MY I dont don't know which will be the Truth and also about as III Important as os most of ot the Remarks overheard at ata a Bathing Reach Brach The Scenario does not appeal to me said sale the Wife giving him one If of those thoM looks Ah but you haven't even enn yet learned of all the alluring Details er E Every once In a while I will say lay to you I can lan let you OU ha hiss have t Five Fire Hundred Feet with an Ocean Frontage for Eight t Thousand nl Dollars a n Front Pont Foot whereupon you will w Yawn and say ay No No 0 If I 1 build at all I want ant a Rig Big Place Bear Rear In mind too that It Is III Just t ns as fa easy y to send out Colored Post rost PostCards PostCards Cards from this synthetic Paradise as n asIt asIt nit It would be from any of the Places you wish to visit And you dont don't have haTe to travel Hundreds of Miles Mlles In order to eat on the American Plan I will see to It that while you are on this suppositious suppositions Spree you w will subsist sub lIst entirely on small Side Dishes nishI's of or Canned Goods floods and float your Cereal In Milk which Is made by hy melting a White t Powder Yon Von will he be expected to complain complain com com- plain about the tho Service In fact If you enter Into the Spirit of this Thing Thin wholeheartedly you will he he pleased to tG learn that practically all of the usual Experience I can be he manufactured right here In the Frozen North Before I married you said laid the Good Woman All of my Relations warned me that you were Eccentric but I do not recall that anyone tipped It orr to me that you were plum Gone I 1 w was ns afraid It wouldn't go through said he hI very try humbly The trouble Is I couldn't work In a long Railroad Ride or a Mess of Scandal or employ a n sufficiently large Corps of Gin Peddlers Rut But ut cheer up I Maybe May be he we can ran go ItO next Year what youve you've said every ery winter winter win who ter since the War By Hy the Time you get r ready there wont won't be Standing Room MORAL lIORA r You cannot get a n Sunstroke Sun Sunstroke Sunstroke stroke out of a Radiator |