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Show "That was the most miserable evening even-ing I ever spent, my friends, and I have never forgiven . the people who took part In that uprising. And yon may be sure I'll never treat another man as I was treated." THE SURPRISE FARTY 4.TVjD sinS,efoot going to celo J brate his golden wedding tomorrow," to-morrow," said the assessor; "we are planning to give him a surprise party, and would like you to go along." "You couldn't drag me there with a team of govern-SSfs! govern-SSfs! ment mules," re-fMATk re-fMATk plied the village r patriarch. "About ? v. ttie meanest trick you can play a man t is t0 spring a sur-Prise sur-Prise party on him. I of course the ma- lxXJ jority of surprise f-A i; parties are. fakes, -f V The victim has ?sl sf-l been informed ln i'fe VkC-l advance that he Is CV'l going to be ara- bushed upon a cer- 'tsmm taln datei and he makes his preparations accordingly. Then when the visitors arrive at his abode he pretends to be immensely astonished, and says he never dreamed of such a visitation ; but the fact that he is. wearing his Sunday shirt, and has his hair parted in the middle, gives the lie to all his protestations. "There is no serious objection to a surprise party when the victim is warned in advance, although, as I have shown, it encourages skullduggery and hypocrisy, for no man can be, thoroughly thor-oughly honest who pretends amazement amaze-ment over a visit he has been planning plan-ning for. "But the genuine surprise party Is in outrage, and people who resort to it should be severely punished. There's nothing' more humiliating to a self-respecting self-respecting man than to have a whole neighborhood blow into his dwelling . iieu ne isu i looKmg ior it. "When I am at home I sacrifice everything to personal comfort. I take off my shoes and collar and necktie, neck-tie, and roll up my shirtsleeves and slip my suspenders down over my arms. I don't care how I look if I am feeling at ease. If I am expecting visitors. I go to my boudoir and fix myself up so I look like a bridegroom. My wife has theories, similar to mine, and doesn't believe in being arrayed in purple and fine linen all the time. But she wouldn't be seen looking slouchy for anything. "Some months ago my wife casually remarked to a neighbor that my birth-Say birth-Say would occur on the following Wednesday, and that neighbor, being a confirmed busybody, got busy and organized a surprise party. I never received the faintest . hint of the scheduled s catastrophe, and on the evening of my birthday I was lying on the floor of the sitting room, with about a hundred newspapers around me. My wife was wearing an old wrapper, and was popping corn on the kitchen, stove. There was nobody else In the house, and we had no Idea vlsl-tors vlsl-tors would come, for it was a bad night., "About eight o'clock, just when I was thinking of going to bed, there wan a knock at the front door. My wife thought It was some boy on an errand so she went to the door with a atovehook in one hand, and the corn popper In the other, and she gave a shriek of anguish when she saw the mass meeting on the front porch. The minute the door was open all those delegates pushed themselves in, smiling smil-ing and giggling as though they were doing something mighty funny. "Our house hadn't been in such disorder dis-order In twenty years. It looked as though a couple of amateur teams had been playing basketball In It. My wife and I began apologizing and explaining, ex-plaining, as people will do under such conditions, although they know that nobody will believe what they say; the guest assured us that it was all right, but I could see them squinting around and making mental notes for future reference, and Inside of a week the story was all over town that our house was a fright, and no respectable cow could lh'O l 't |
