OCR Text |
Show .snwoaspN city. Would Do Many and Varied Things With a Million WASHINGTON. Nothing is more refreshing than a choice bit of idiocy after a day's work that requires a double portion of brains. Which accounts for the hereby quoted proposition: "If somebody gave you a, million NANN'f, --- WOULD WHAT WMn V'H MevER " "EV,ER TCU DO IF fe;' i y (JFJ MftRWED, YAHAD V; AND 1 WOULD dollars this afternoon would you snow up in the morning?" The answers were what dear Mr. ' Venus would caH "vvarlous." . One big youngster, who was keeping keep-ing up with the Joneses, admitted that a sudden million might possibly Induce In-duce him to phone to the chief tor a day off. Another, hobnobbing with a fellow-suburbanite over the feminine inconsistencies of hens, stepped out of his chicken run long enough to make it distinctly understood that it would take more than any little old measly million to keep him from helping to get the best paper ever out on time a statement indorsed by applause. All day Exception had snipped flimsies with the relentlessness of that other fate who does business with shears. And now he was scanning a first issue, hot-caked from the press which was what the others were doing also, because confidentially If your own stuff gets by all right it doesn't matter about the rest of the paper really. And, as Exception read, it needed no seventh daughter of a seventh daughter to diagnose the lines in his face and the good things mentally and humanely they stood for. For that matter, even the one insignificant side comb in the crowd whose imagination wasn't elastic enough to picture a raise in salary and who didn't know Exception's everyday name could have predicted, without cards or crystal ball, that the big half of any fortune that should ever come his way would go toward the honest helping of that universal relative, our brother man and while she was considering Exception had already gone on record. If he had a million dollars he would buy a bean orchard and hoard it for soup like his landlady used to make. Which shows that it Is always desirable to be prepared for the best. No Long Journey Downtown for This Youngster THERE is a special delivery boy In this town who is going to turn out to be either a bright, successful man or a clever crook, it is hard to tell which, but you may form your own opinion after I tell you what bp did the othe day. Educators have a theory that "badness" is often a species of pent-up pent-up energy, and that the same talent for mischief ' shown by many boys. If turned to good channels, is the very talent, that will make the boy successful suc-cessful in after life. (. Remember that In considering the following : ' This young fellow delivered a special spe-cial delivery letter, with the familiar P W DOflT KETCH ) S 3jS? W COIN' CLEAR, p; 11 M oown to His Diue stamp snowing a Doy riding on ' -- y iu(,eny a bicycle on It, to a certain residence in the northwest section. It was an apartment house. The boy rang the bell la the downstairs hall, but, receiving no answer, mounted the steps to the apartment In question. Still no answer. So the boy rang the bell In the next apartment, and when a woman answered the bell he asked if she would take the letter for the absentee. "Why, you had better take that letter down to Mr. So-and-So's office," eald the woman. ., r -r "Yes, mam," said the boy, and departed. ' 4 When he came to the row of mall boxes, he stopped, looked around, and acted. He did not hesitate in the least. His power of decision was very good. Power of decision is a fine thing, too. He calmly tore the special delivery stamp off the letter, and dropped the missive into the proper mall box, making it appear as if the regular mailman had delivered it. i Real Estate Man Thinks Women Talk Too Much 'P WO women were being shown an apartment by an agent. Sure, it Is 1 possible to get an apartment In Washington if you know where. That's the trouble, knowing where they are. These women knew, evidently, -because there they were, Leing shown around TH' ACEhT TVF FOR MY WWPVd by the real estate man himself. As the trio passed up the steps who should issue forth from an apartment apart-ment but Mrs. Smith, friend of the two ladies. - "Oh, Mrs. Smith, so glad to see you," said one lady. "You can tell us about this apartment we are going to rent." The real estate agent had stopped, waiting for the women. He was aboil three feet away. "I sure can tell you about that apartment," said Mrs. Smith, falling utterly to see the agent. And, what was worse, It wouldn't have made any difference If she had seen that gentleman, because it happened that she had never laid eyes on said agent in all her life. She always paid by check. "My dears," breathed Mrs. Smith, "don't you let the agent fool you on that apartment. Ask him about the sink that stops up, and " Then came a whirlwind of advice, which the two prospective tenants took in eagerly as did the agent. That worthy began to lush, It must be confessed, and the two wome-. began to blush a little themselves, but innocent Mrs. Smith kept right on. "You know," she continued, "that apartment is exactly like mine. What Is he going to charge you for it?" "Sixty dollars," 6aid one of the two ladles. "I pay $30 for mine," stdd the all-revealing Mrs. Smith. Pet Polly Went to Gladden More Lonesome Person A MAX In search of congenial companionship went to a bird store to buy a parrot that could talk. There were no conversationalists In stock, so he tacked off In another direction for a specially suggested Polly, but. disap- pointed, returned to first base. The ownw of the store, always ready to Dlease a customer, considered the case apart from Its financial aspect: "Come back later, colonel, and I'll see if I can't find a talker for you." So the colonel man went off and returned at the time set, to find a knowing green polly posed near the counter on a perch. And of course the man extended social greetings. "Hello, Polly!" The parrot responded with the tome Jovial spontaneoasness. Hello, colonel I That settled the deal. And for a long time there lived in tills town a lonesome man person and a .knowing pan)t who called out to each other at every coming and going'; "Ilellu, Polly!" "Hello, Colonel !" It wasn't much, of course, but It van .something. And Itie r;.!onW.wa old enough to have learned that every little counts. Ami lie was entirely satisfied v.ilh the social gifts of bis two-worded -,'rlend until Just a little while ago he found a lonesomcr person than himself, who was blind ami wanted a parrot that could talk. So, after a battle that would have made tin: Medcs and Persians look silly, lie, turned the bird over to a new owner and now In this tov n there Is a lonesome old woman who calls out to her com anion ; "Hello, Polly" |