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Show A SONG OF HA TE By Dorothy Rothschild in Vanity Fnir XHATE RELATIVES. They cramp my style. There are Aunts. Even the best of us have them. They are always dropping in for llttlo visits. And when you aBk them to stay, They take it seriously. They never fail to tell you how badly you look; And they relate little anecdotes About friends of theirs who went into Declines. Their conversation consists entirely of Insides; They are never out of a Critical Condition. Con-dition. They are always posing for X-ray portraits por-traits Of parts of their anatomy with names like parlor-cars. They say the doctor tells them That they ' uly one chance in a hum The odds aren big enough. Then there are In-Laws, The Necessary Evils of Matrimony. The only things they don't say about you Are the ones they can't pronounce. No matter what you do, They know a beter way to do it. They are eternally searching your house for dust; If they can't find any, It is a wasted day. They are always getting their feelings hurt So that they can go around with martyred mar-tyred expressions And say that you will appreciate them when they're gone You certainly will. There are Nephews; They are the lowest form of animal life. They are forever saying bright things And there is no known force that can keep them From reciting little pieces about Our Flag. They have the real Keystone sense of humor They are always firing things off in your ear, Or pulling away the chair you are about to sit on. Whenever you are striving to Impress any one, They always appear And try out the new words they learned learn-ed from the Ice-man I wish the government would draft all males under ten! And then there are Husbands; The White Woman's Burden. They never notice when you wear anything any-thing new I You have to point it out. They tell you about the deal they put through, Or the approach they made, And you are supposed to get all worked up. They are always hanging around outside out-side your door, And they are incessantly pulling out watches, And saying, "Aren't you dressed yet?" They were never known to be wrong; Everything is always your fault. And whenever you go out to havo a good time, You always meet them I wish to Heaven somebody would alienate their affections. I hate Relatives, They cramp my style. |