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Show B LA UGHS IN "THE DUMMY" H "The Uummy" by Harvey J. O'Higgins and M Harriet Ford is now playing a successful en- H gagement in Now York. Here are some of the M lines that pull the laughs: Hj Corcoran It's just as bad for a detective's M business to be notorious as it is for a crook's. H COrcoraniSay, the big crooks advertise an' H get away with it, don't they? Ever read the H Wall Street ads? fl Corcoran Every job a man goes after nowa- 1 days he finds it's a case of women and children H H Babbing I'm worried about you, Cork; you'ro H oatchlng cold. M Corcoran Then there's some one in this de- M tective bureau catchin somethin'. H Phlipps The theory that diet moulds the H character is completely upset by statistics from tM ! Paris. H, Frapps What statistics are you thinking H; about? H, Phlipps Parisians eat 100,000 pounds of snails H daily, and yet the people are considered fast. H Babbing You couldn't possibly be as inno- H cent as you look, could you? Because you'll have H to do some quick lying, you know, If he suspects H anything. H Barney Well, I told a He once! H Rose I can't be cruel to that child more'n I H1 could to a dog. H Spider You're a scream of a kidnapper! H Rose You ain't goin' into kidnappln' for a H profession, are you, Piggie? H Spider Take it from me, woman, I ain't goin' H into anything the police ain't in on. H Rosle I ain't as good lookin' as I was, am I? H Spider Oh, I don't know. One of the boys H was the other night asking of brunettes H Rose Why, Piggie my hair's Titian red. H Spider Well, that was last week! H Rose There's only one fault I have to find H with you, Piggy, you ain't a bit demonstrative. H Spider G'wan, woman, I'm shy! H Sinker She's cried all over me till the color's H run out of me clothes. H Geoghan When it comes to housework I'm H a vaccum cleaner. H I Rose Pat, you're the only man I ever saw H that had any consideration for a woman. H Geoghan Sometimes I think that's why none H of em's had any consideration at all for me. H . Geoghan You're the first woman I could ever Hj get to notice I was breathln' the same air with H Spider (entering from the flooded cellar) H That's what makes this place' smell so musty. m Spider I say, you talk as if you didn't intend H to get married yourself. H Geoghan I've intended it often enough, but, H as me mother used to say, it takes two to make fjfl a marriage. BS Spider What makes you think that with Rose HE and me it takes three? B Geoghan Sure, a child is an addition to any Q family. Now, In our family we had thirteen. B Spider That's not addition that's multiplica- H tlon. HmwhhhhhHQMIHHHHHHIHHHHH Spider If you want to keep on livin' don't you make mo jealous. Geoghan Be reasonable, man, be reasonable. Consider, now, it might be well to have me to take care of her if anything unexpected should happen to yourself. Spider You needn't start buying orange blossoms blos-soms for my funeral. Spider You go along and marry somebody else's widow. Geoghan Faith, I'm afraid it's me only chance. I'll never be able to compete with a live one like you. Spider Well, J don't mind your being so slushy about my wife, Pat, but if you keep on feedin' her up this way we'll neither of us be able to live with her. Rose Who spilled the salt? Spider Aw, sit down. There ain't any more bad luck than we've had. Beryl And I'm tired, too. Barney Aw, you're worse'n comin' home from a picnic. Barney Where's your pockets, kid? We'll take dis along to feed the squirrels. Beryl ! haven't any pockets. Barney Gee, what do you wear clothes for? Beryl Oh, I don't want to go. I'm afraid. Barney D'yuh want me to come back fer yuh wit' a baby carriage? Gee, dis is worser'n bein' a married man. Corcoran By jinks! It would be a great story for the Sunday papers. When I heard about it I laughed so hard I broke up my cold. Barney Now you gotta clean mug comin', an' your mother comin', an' your father comin', an' grub comin', an' certainly everything cdmin' your way! Babbing Well, Chimmie, they tell me you're an awful little liar. (Barney CDey had me in a place where de trut' wouldn't have helped me. Rose (handcuffed to Spider) This is what marriage means. If you got a husband you got to go to jail with him. I wish to Gawd I'd stayed single and minded my own business! |