| OCR Text |
Show I THE ROMANCE OF THE METHODICAL MAN. (A Story of a Man With a "System." 1 i Hamlet may havo been just made enough to - malto a little method a dangerous thing, but Col I ' lender (the man In this story) was methodical j . 1 enough to malto an ordinary mortal mad. ' Left to pursue the nicely calculated tenor of 1 his way, he was a peaceable enough dog; take f him at the right time when he had set apart at ' the day's end for "convi villous talk" and there I was scarce a subtler humor or keener intellect I to bo found in a thorough sifting of the clubs and cafes. But encroach by so much as the clink of jj: a glass- on his method-made day and you wore '; ' met with the surliness that amounted to some- l thing very near indecency. 1 This is a true story. Though you muy not , believe that a red-blooded man with plenty of money, in a city like New York, could remain i sane while he did the same thing day in and night Ijj out three hundred and slxty-flve times a year. Yet Collender'H most bitter antagonist freely admitted ad-mitted there were few more lucid pleaders at the Bar than ho. Of course no man could afford to make such a fetish of method who had not been born with a silver spoon in his mouth. In Collender's case , the spoon, though hall-marked "09 8-10 Sterling," was carefully sterilized by the white-capped, linen-cased nurse, who filliped her thumb at Destiny ie proceeded to make a "Now Baby" of Col- H Ho is now thirty-three therefore he was born a little over twenty-five years or so before his i time; wo are all accustomed these days to the "by-tho-clock-baby" and the "now-thought-baby," but few of us have soon it roally "grown up." Col- lender was It. His mother had Bafely "dragged up" two llttlo girls (his own nurse's version) to the tooth dropping period, with the aid of numeral numer-al t ous relays of nurses and gouvornantos, who did I their best according to their unmethodical lights. H j The little girls Agatha and Margaret wore I romping sunbeams, just frequently enough over- cast by "a dreful tummy-ache" to make their I usual sunniness more appreciated, fl I Unto them came Collender a collicky, old- B I faced bundle, and unto him came the "NewBaby" B nurse, soon to dispel the colic forevermore. The B household grew to dispense with clocks; the nurse B was the hour hand and the baby the minute hand Bj of the establishment B As some plants take the color of the soil in B which they are planted so Baby Jack took on a B certain solemnity from the seriously calculated B problem of his existence. Playing was a business B with him from his earliest, just as feeding and B bathing and riot-crying. At school and college B and later in the world he disproved people's first B ' supposition that he was a "ninny;" they soon Bj found he was only the victim of "a system." And B' as he had the strength of a young giant with a B , clear brain to defend himself against ridicule, he B eventually commanded the respect of all who B knew him. B Up to thirty-three he had lived through no so- B rious love experience. The usual courtship would B have meant the downfall of his "System." In flh consequence he rather feared women. B His adoring mother and sisters hoped won- B dors for him. He permitted them to enter the B "System" once a week, when en Sundays he took B high tea with them. When his sisters married B and after many pleadings he broke into his day to do. the proper tbU at the church he was "not fit" for a week In consequence; his only conso-lation conso-lation being the fact that it had been a double Bj wedding and couldn't reasonably be expected to happen again. The "System" jfas very much like this: He had rooms at onejfcf his clubs; at eight his man Bj woke him. After Ringing a shoe and an unprlnt- B able anathema at tlieMad of the disturber of his slumbers he arose, tubbed and went to the gym for a little limbering. At a quarter before nine he sat in the club window breakfasting, inundated with morning papers. Half-past nine found him at work in his law offices. At ono ho went to his luncheon club, where he lounged until two, read ing the English journals or chatting with a co terie of famous men unlike most Americans he believed in a little relaxation in the middle of the day. More work until half-past four, when ho went to "The Arch" to meet his machine. At half-past five, to his club for tea and the evening papers, then a spin in his car until seven t' j hour in which he sought his haven for the evening even-ing a cafe where good ale, steaks and chops were dispensed. Hero he dined his table full of good cheer his pockets full of books. If alone, a book lay always open before him; if in company, the book was put insinuatingly to one side. Everybody who had gained the privilege of dining with Collender Col-lender had learned the wisdom of leaving him alone to read at about nine. At eleven he closed his book and was ready for talk those were his best moments. Ono afternoon his sister Margaret passed on the other side of the Avenue and spied him in his club window at his lonesome tea. She beckoned beck-oned to him with a smile. He came out grudgingly, grudg-ingly, especially as he had to wade through a frothy mass of femininity spouting its opinions of the' monthly art exhibit. His sister eyed him disapprovingly. "You're coming to have some decent tea with me," she announced. Collender helplessly motioned to his car that would get the thing over more quickly. "No we're going to walk you are getting positively fat, sitting in that ongine all the time." Collender assured her that the vibration of the car successfully combats any inclination to the accretion of adipose tissue. She sniffed daintily. "Well, then you'll be all the better able to gorge on the good cake we'll get In the 'Joy of Japan.' "' She marched him some streets down into a little lit-tle low doorway hung with fragrant blossoms. It was really an artful tea-room not a cheap helter-skelter helter-skelter jumble of "Americo-Jappo" ware, but the well-chosen output of real artists in Japan. The room they entered was one great pergola, all soft gray-green and violet; in the interstices of flowering vines could be seen guant, snow-capped mountains, with long-legged birds hovering in a Japanesesey heaven. Collender and his sister sat down at ono of the little vJne-wreathod tables, where they could see and not be seen. The tea, served by a maiden in a silken kimono, was delicious. Collender took a second cup unheard of! And the cakes, which melted away at the first bite and tasted like nothing noth-ing known before, had to be replenished three times. As Margaret munched the last cake she said: "Now, Jaok, own up, isn't this nicer than your musty old club?" Ho cautiously confessed It wasn't so very bad. "Well, then, promise you'll come here every afternoon for your tea and tell your friends to come too you see I own some stock in tkeso rooms and I want to boom the enterprise." Collender saw no cogent reason for refusing, The club with Its Incessant exhibitions was being more and more overrrun with women in the afternoon, after-noon, anyway. So he made the change and survived the shook to his "System." But ho did not tell his friends about his new find; that would take away just After his day in the world, when he often had to be arbiter In all kinds of woes, this quiet, scentau spot grew grateful to him. He had kept the same table, which somehow no matter what the hum at the other tables always contrived to be un occupied when ho came in. Also the guardian o fthe kettle had' learned to a nicety just what -mixture ho liked and the proper strength. And never did a jug of cream offend his sight, but always a saucer of thin lemon-moons everything quite right without a word. Ono afternoon as he was feeling particularly O raw over a case that had unexpectedly gone amainst him, he sank down at the little table, pleasantly expectant of comfort. Suddenly a voice which hold a distinct trace of Sixth avenue rasped at him: "Lemon or oream? Ooolong, Orange Pekoe, Russian Caravan, Mixed or English Eng-lish Breakfast? Crackers or cake?" (Continued on pago 0) i j The Romance of the Methodical Man. (Continued froin pago 4) Collender looked up, really hart, and for the first time realized how pretty the olive-skinned ether-girl had been and what a tender voice she had the few times she found it necessary to talk to hinl? And how daintily she had worn her kimono ki-mono of lustrous pink) wisteria embroidered! All this and more he remembered suddenly, his nerves a-quiver from the red hands, the tower-Hfce tower-Hfce proportions- of the loaning pompadour and the cheap cotton-crepe wrappings of his present interlocutress. Collender was so upset lie wont to the play a Cockney farce played with a Bowery accent-that accent-that upset him more. The next day he slipped glnerly into the "Joy of Japan;" perhaps it had been a mistake a bad dream the pink kimono would again hover over him quietly in appreciative solicitude! But no the Sixth avenue sprito again went through , her parrotty Inquiry, and oven then managed to forget for-get his order. Collender had stonily requested Russian Caravan with lemon she brought him Orange Pekoe with cream! When he pushed the tray away in disgust and rose to go she mutterod with a vicious twist of the pompadour, "Well, I never It's tea, anyways, ain't it how can a girl he expected to keep all them orders straight, anyway?" Collender was gone. The. "Joy of Japan" know him no more. He went back to his club a sadder if a more self-enlighteriod self-enlighteriod man. He often thought with a swift quickening of the pulses of the peace-pervading girl in the pink' kimono. Once ho found himself ruminating on the pleasantness of finding a gentle, gen-tle, methodical creature like that opposite one at breakfast. Then, as he had a normal sense of the funny, he laughed aloud, inwardly anathematizing anathema-tizing himself as "an ass of many adjectives." Ho dismally reflected that he knew very well what ho would have called another fellow who missed a girl whoso features were only a nebu-lous nebu-lous pleasantness in recollection, a girl of whose mere pretence he had flever been distinctly conscious con-scious until it was removed from him. Ho dined much alone the next few weeks, his Hofid burled in a' big tome labeled "Anatomy of q Melancholy." One day, soon after, his sister spied Win again in his club window. He came out to her &s before. be-fore. "So you've given up the 'Joy of Japan?" Bhe quizzed. "Had to no system." "Oh, Jack, you'll bB vanquished by that 'System' 'Sys-tem' yet. But you are right; the 'J. of J.' is horrid hor-rid now I tea'd thoro today ami it's my last, you see, we've sold the 'Joy of Japan' and are opening rooms farther up. That's our 'System: we furnish the rooms artistically, start them going, go-ing, then sell them at a big profit and open others. It's great fun all our set is going in for it; glvos Q us- something to do and we give the money to tho Babies' Guild." "Where are the new rooms?" asked Collender Collen-der tensely. ( ' ( (( "Why, you're quite animated!" "You know I believe in baby-culture." ' "Well, if you are really interested I'll let you come to some of our meetings; but the new rooms don't open until next week." "You know my 'phono number," said Collender Collen-der as they walked down her street. "Well, good-bye, bruvver-boy by the way, Jack, if you care to drop in tomorrow 'round five I might know definitely about thai Guild meot-ing. meot-ing. I'd be awfully glad to get you I am having some tea and a prince and a diplomat, to say nothing of the American aristocracy." "I'll come," said Collender. Tho rooms- were amazingly suggestive of the "Joy of Japan." "I'm so glad you've come," said Margaret. "Are the rooms pretty?" "The rooms are all right," observed Oollen-der. Oollen-der. "I want you to talk to my Minister. There isn't a man here equal to it and the women all 9 prefer the Prince you can see for yourself." Collender looked and caught a glimpse of an exaggerated frock coat peeping from a surging tide of enchiffoned and befurred femininity. Further Fur-ther on he saw a great square figure sardonically gazing on the scene. To this1 figure Margaret led him, admonishing. admonish-ing. "Be good, now, and talk to him nicely afterward I'll see myself that you get your tea. He's the Minister to Oh, never mind what he's to." She made the men known to each other and left them with a sigh of relief. The two soon found a level of quiet understanding. A Later Margaret separated them both reluc- . tank The "Minister to" was carried off captive by a chemlng debutante; Collender was led to the tables by his sister. "Will you have tea, chocolate or punch ? Cake Vt or" she began, when a voice which sent a ,L poignant shiver of remembrance upand down his j spine interposed "Mr. Collender takes Russian Caravan, acidulated, with a dry blsouit and it's a quarter hour boyond his tea-time!" "Oh, if you know each other that well, I shall leave him in your hands, Gracia," Margaret flung out, trailing off. "Isn't your tea right, Mr. Collender; have I forgotten anything?" Collender was drinking her in forgetful of his tea seeing her for the first time. And what he saw made him glad with a great triumph over his blind self which came so near going on foreversystematically for-eversystematically not seeing her. To have missed all that charm; the clear-gazing, clear-gazing, golden-brown eyes with their piquantly slanted brows, the straight, slim nose and luscious lus-cious mouth, the rounded baby chin above the stomlike throat whioh lost itself where the first wisteria grew on the shimmering pink! In a flash ho knew that to have missed he would have been to miss All. He gulped his tea. "Your tea and you aro just right, Mis Graoia." "Gracia Laurie," she vouchsafed, ignoring the twofoldedness of the Imputation. "What a pretty name sofe like your voice." "You haven't had your second cup, Mr. Collender," Col-lender," she put in quickly. "I haven't had my 'second oup' in a long time I missed you so." "Really? Why, you never knew I was there." "I never knew you wore there till you were gone; that made it worse." The girl bubbled deliciouBly. "Oh, I'd heard about you and your 'System' from Meg and Gatha, 0 so when you camo to the 'Joy of Japan' I served you myself to be sura you'd get everything sys-I sys-I ttmatioally. You see, I have a kuaok for man- j agement, consequently they make me do that part of tho work for the Guild until the rooms ' get started." ( "I was a blind Idiot," Collender told her. "If you had been anything else I mean if you had noticed mo, I couldn't have continued to servo you. I never servod anyone but you!'.' Collender, in hi manly egoism, thought that the Bweotest sentence man had ever heard from woman's lips. "Aloud he said: "Mii Laurie, do you mind a fellow's telling you something?" "Not if it's nice." "It is nice." "Well, then?" "I think you are the prettiest girl I over saw in the world!" he assured her solmenly. "But you're notoriously blind," she mocked, i though the cup in her hand olattered for some- r thing in his gaze. There was a pause freighted' with many things, but the pair were obvious to their surroundings. Miss Laurie, to escape his eyes1, poured herself her-self a cup of tea. "Now, I call that sociable," he said. "Can't we sit down somewhere and have it comfortably?" "Oh, I couldn't leave the table what would Meg" "All these maids what are they standing idle for? Leave the table with them. I want to ask you something very important." Now, there are three things a woman is unable un-able to resist; first, "to bo told;" second, "to toll;" and third, "to be asked." So Gracia left tho table with a beribboned maid and led Collender to a curtained window-seat, window-seat, which proved a grateful santuary after the hum and rustle outside. "This is very unusual," she smiled. "Unusually nice." v "Now for your great quest'.oh?" "What will the new tea rooms be called?" "Oh is that all!" she pouted. "All for the present," he reassured her. "Well, that one is easily answered wo shall call It 'Nippon's. Nest!" "Will there be a place for mo in 'Nippon's Nest?"" She nodded, her clear skin suddenly merging to the color of her kimono. "And will you serve me there yourself?" Again she nodded. "Always? Promise say 'Always!'"' ''Always," she said, "providing I don't interfere inter-fere too much with your 'System."" "Oh," murmured Collender, eybaritic'ally sipping sip-ping his tea, "I've just inaugurated a new 'System' 'Sys-tem' that is why I am here this afternoon!" Alice Leah Pollock in Town Topics. |
