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Show Some New Ones on the m Buzz-Buggies A California auto enthusiast pleads guilty to the following, and it is really too good to miss. It is submitted here for the benefit of Chief Pitt's rapidly growing Association of Low-Gear Scorchers, Scorch-ers, most of whom will be familiar with the terms, while rank outsiders may be interested: Machine Automobile term for automobile when spoken of by a real automobile owner. Car See machine. Negotiate Climbing the side of a hill without being pushed. $ Pusher One who aids in pushing the ma chine up hill. Spark plug Small thing of unknown dimensions dimen-sions concealed so carefully in the body of the machine as to be lost about half the time. Carburator See spark plug, and ask the man. One lunger A machine with one cylinder and a hacking cough. 1 Gearing That portion of the machine which sounds like a boiler shop, and acts like the devil. ' High gear Used to break city speed limits. , Low gear Used to prove an alibi in the police court. Speedometer Used to prove anything. Tonneau Professional name for back seat, and always to be used when talking with the real thing in goggles. Bad tire Condition of the contents of the tonneau at the end of the first century. Transmission Connecting line between the team of horses and the machine when the latter i is being towed into port. Transmission case Place where the towing line is concealed when not in use. Chauffeur Man who lays on his back under the machine and pounds on the gun metal with a tack hammer pronounced as if you were saying say-ing "gopher," only different. "" Chiffonier Term facetiously applied to chauffeur chauf-feur when filled up with Peruna. Peruna Liquid carried in a bottle and imbibed im-bibed surreptitiously by passengers behind back of chauffeur. Gasoline See Peruna, also cause of all kinds of trouble. Grief See chiffonier. Driver See chauffeur before and after filling. Brake Used to stop machine after accident; also used to throw visiting members into the air suddenly at unexpected intervals. Broke Ultimate condition of man who owns machine. fit Shop Place where the man goes to get broke. Automobiliitis Ossified condition of con- science incident to the owning of the best machine. ma-chine. The best machine The one belonging to the man who has the floor. Frame Sometimes known as frameup, and relates re-lates to agreed statement of trip to be given the outside world by those who tripped. Headlight Brass lantern with beveled glass, fastened to front end of car and intended to burn bright holes into the night, but deterred through lack of water in the dinkey tank. Tail light See headlight, only worse. Scooting along Dropping down' a 45 per cent grade with everything wide open and an unconfirmed uncon-firmed lunatic at the wheel. Steering wheel The only thing between you and sudden death. Cap Leather covering worn by driver to displace dis-place his cap. Water cooler Tank used to boil the water carried. car-ried. Scorch For city limit purposes exclusively, and not used when going anywhere. Load Passengers carried by the machine. Loaded Thanksgiving service condition of surviving passengers at the end of day's journey. Loafing in Walking about six miles to the next stopping place after the final breakdown. Siren Used to comfort team of farmer man in buckbrush. Reverse Used to run rear end of machine into fence posts, wagons, foot passengers, other ma- Motor-Held. ? chines, and the surrounding scenery. jfl Muffler Hurried expulsion of steam coughs incident to meeting farmer man. aH Reservoir Place where acetyline gas ought to be, but isn't. 'IH Oiler Distinguished from other human kind jjH by thick outer covering of grease. flH Crank See driver also used to skin shins, ll break bones and raise contusions by the back- Jl action proross ll Shaft Hole for final resting place of uusus- 4PH pecting victims. I i Lubricator See Peruna some more. H Chain Used largely for breaking purposes. ' jk Flat wheel Rubber with the air pumped out. M |
