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Show Home-Span yarns. Old Cap. Hunt lives somewt'jre in the suburbs of Malad the Beautiful. He is not seen in Malad very often. When he does come , his exploits scintillate scin-tillate on the pages of local history. When the Cap. dashes into Malad on his beautiful beau-tiful pinto pony it means that he has a large par-, par-, eel of wealth tied to his waistcoat which ho pur-poseth pur-poseth to invest. His investments are all in perishable per-ishable goods, Rye preferred, and when, in his masterful fashion, he becomes Car gone in drink, weird demonstrations follow. With' a six-shooter he attempts to puncture the stars by night and by day he sleeps on the bar room slough tables. When the last piece of bullion disappears from the wallet, the Cap. becomes a strategist and enlists en-lists the support of the pinto pony. When a man needs a drink, he must have It, says the Cap. Some unimaginative thirst problem prob-lem under such circumstances might hurl a fit in front of the bar room door. Not so the esthetic Cap. he Cap. lovingly mounts the pinto pony and ostensibly rides out of town. The Cap. comes back with the pony. He rides leisurely to the nearest bar room, and whispers to the pinto as he dismounts, and thereupon the uony proceeds to throw the weirdest and most spectacular fit ever enacted. He hurls the glebe a hundred yards around and snorts like an expiring walrus. The Cap. dashes in the bar room, calls for brandy, gets it, and rushes back to the girating pony. The pinto knowing the signal leaps up, the Cap. jumps in the sadde, and "Your very good health, gentlemen," says the Cap., as he takes a gurgling libation from the bottle nd the pinto speeds for the suburbs. t5 c5 a Ed Dillon made a new mark for a hundred-yard hundred-yard dash on a crowded street the other day. Ed had purchased a bull terrier l:ora Sid Hooper's fish fai'm, and was leading "the canine proudly up Main street at the end of about ten feet of tape. Spectators smiled at Edward. Finally he met a friend and asked if he had seen his bull terrier. The friend had not. Edward pulled on the tape and about five feet of It swun; in front of him; but no. canine was appended to it. Brother Dillon Dil-lon is not essentially a mild mannered man. He started back down Main street at. a terrifying speed and was just in time to ee a man, five feet of tape and a dog disappearing in an alley. Soon after EdwaVd came back firmly clasping the dog, and so bespattered with mud that Aunt Eliza could not have recognized him with a micro- I scope. "0, I don't mind that," saij Ed afterwards, 1 as he surveyed his streaked attire, "but I'd give I a restaurant to know just how far I carted that piece of tape after that d d pup was gone." I O O i7 jH George Morgan wonders why the mayor should look around for an ideal man for chief of police. He says he knows one. Also his name is George Morgan. He calls attention to his magnificent figure, and says that his long sxperience in the restaurant business has given him an acquaint- I ance with the most notorious sure thing men H in the country. He also calk attention to tho fact that he has ejected 3,000 of them without losing a single case, or an arm, or anything else ho prizes. He also promises tr at the first act of his official career will be to arrest Dillon. Mr. Morgan's claims, like his consomme, should be H well digested. H cv t2 M Maitre Lahore, chief counsel for the Hum- H berts, says he could make much scandal by pub- H lishingthe names of people who were intimate H with the Humberts, and desire that all the com- H promising papers be made public. A better plan B would be to refer the whole matter to the com- H mittee on sanitation. H tv 5 tj H The fire chief of San Franc 'sco has been pre- H sented by the municipality wl h an automobile B with which he expects to chase down the fiend of H fires. He ought to succeed, but if he does not H create more havoc and kill mo e people than the H fire, .the record of the automobile as a premoni- jH tor of disaster will suffer greatly.- jH |