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Show H tff0i fe ItvOtftigation Committee B Arrit)ej. B From the days when the pioneer primordial B jugged his hand cart into the Salt Lake valley, B every visitor of distinction has been clasped to B the bosom of the church, as it were, chartered B with oratory and music, and then sent on his way B surcharged with the firm conviction that the Mor- B mons have been the most belibeled set of saints B in the universe. Such was the fate within recent B months of Ella Wheeler Wilcox and Elbert Hud- B dard, of lesser fame, who left here with Elder B Penrose's resonant tones ringing in their ears B an(j indiCi.od amplified pages of fulsome flattery of Hj the misused Mormons. B It is possible that a similar fate awaits B the senate investigation committee, which will be B here in a few weeks to indulge in a thorough prob- B ing of the Smoot case and incidentally the general B political machinations of the Mormon leaders. The B distinguished senate committee may not allow it- B self to be absorbed in this way, particularly if B the piloting of Senator Dubois, who has an abid- B Ing resentment against the church on account of B favors not received in Idaho, will avail anything. B But tne saints have never failed yet to com- B pletely monopolize supposed investigators, and B they may not fail in this instance. B It is probable that committees have already B been named at the president's office to take B charge of the visiting investigators, about as fol- B lows: B On Reception: President Joseph F. Smith and B Elder Penrose. B On Music: President Smith and Elder Pen-B Pen-B rose, with J. J. McClellan associated. B On Inland Sea: President Smith and Elder B Penrose, with N. W. Clayton associated. B t & t& H At the station the Senators will be greeted B by Elder Penrose and his liquid smile and driven " B to the Deseret News building. Here the editor B Avill make the preliminary argument for the church B and coo hUlabys of denial and unique inuendo un-B un-B til the visitors feel like a bevy of enraptured B school girls at a bargain counter. Hj The next feature will be services at the Taber-H Taber-H nacle, where Editor Penrose will call everyone to Kt repentance, especially the "hireling preachers," and H explain the glories of the gathering of Israel. H President Smith will then announce that the B Mormon church no longer believes In polygamy; H that the Constitution of the United States Is a H divinely inspired insrument; that the authorities H never influence the political opinions of the faith-Hi faith-Hi ful, and that buzzing bishops are practically in H chains immediately preceding an election, so that H the "will of the Lord" on political matters cannot H he made known to the saints. It will be made Hj Plain that Senator Kearns was elected because H the church didn't need the money and on account H of the deathless popularity of the great Park City H statesman. It will likewise be made quite ap-H ap-H Parent that had Apostle Smoot been a gentile H who had sworn to bombard the Temple with ar-H ar-H tillery he would have been elected just the same. H The choir will then sing, "We Thank Thee, O God, H for a Prophet." H & & & H In the evening Brother Stephens and the choir H and Brother McClellan will break into the festivl- H ties with a grand concert at the Tabernacle. No H Investigator can ever get away from here without H a grand concert at the Tabernacle. H Wliile the investigators are still thrilling with H the vast harmonies of the big organ and the H lofty choral strains of "Hozannah," they will bo H greeted by Colonel Clayton, who will vouchsafe H the- news that a special car is in readiness to take H tllem to Saltair, and they will wonder mightily H J' that ereat resort, where the only available re- H lreBhment is provided by the breezes. O, it will be a lovely trip for the Senators. And when they return to Washington, unless mayhap may-hap they conclude to abide forever beneath the shadows of the hills of Israel, their report to the Senate will be about as follows: "Your committee, appointed to investigate political po-litical conditions in Utah with particular reference to the election of Apostle Smoot as a member of this body, after a thorough and searching investigation, investi-gation, beg leave to report as follows: "1. That President Joseph F. Smith of the Mormon church Is a man of splendid physique and very hospitable. "2. That Editor C. W. Penrose is a polished diplomat, who provided us with invaluable information in-formation we were seeking. "3. That the Tabernacle organ has been recently re-cently enlarged and is a marvelous instrument; that the choir is one of the most remarkable organizations or-ganizations of its kind we have ever listened to. "4. That Saltair Beach, around which a lake, of a remarkable saline quality, has been placed, Is a beautiful resort. "5. That nowhere, in all our travels, have we seen such inspiring mountain scenery. "All of which Is respectfully submitted." |